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Original poster

Ignored on purpose gut feeling

13 replies

hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 21:27

Hi ladies so I have been dating someone for about 4 months. I had been single about 8 months after a very bad emotionally abusive relationship. The guy I'm seeing did seem almost too good to be true. He's overly nice and I'm now realising it's too nice. I disagreed with summit yesterday and today. He's give me silent treatment. I messaged him and for 4 hours the message didn't even go through. I messaged him and said is your phone on airplane mode. 20 mins later message went through. 2 hours later he replied saying his son had put his phone on airplane mode. But I could tell he was off. So I just left it. Then he messages me asking if I'm ok. So I've basically just said what I've said here.

Now he's like I don't no what I've done wrong but I'm sorry.

Now I'm confused and feeling like an idiot and I'm not sure if it's gas lighting all over again or I'm just bat shit crazy 😭 my gut is telling me he was in a mood with me but I ignored my gut for so long in previous relationship.

I think I probably need to end this because if it's him or me I'm clearly not healed

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 09/12/2023 22:08

If this is the first time he's done it I'd be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

If he did it again (or if this is a repeat pattern with him) I'd tell him to get lost.

Original poster
hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 22:12

No he lied to me about taking cocaine on a night out. He lied and lied then someone told me he said it was because he didn't want to lose me. That was his last chance. Hes just got angry saying what exactly am I accusing him off I said I'm not accusing you of any thing other than your we're in a mood over summit and your ignored me on purpose. It's just all the same pattern.

Hes just said it's wasn't like that but now I look like a nutter but my gut I'm trying to listen to it this time

Maybe I am just a nutter

OP posts:
Original poster
hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 22:12

There has been times were he's ignored me for hours then makes an excuse but I can tell he's upset. This is the first time I've pulled him on it tho

OP posts:
brokenbitbybit · 09/12/2023 22:16

You're not a nutter!!!!

Listen to your gut, honestly, sack this one off!

brokenbitbybit · 09/12/2023 22:18

How many times has he done this? @hardwork86
Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. So he does that for hours, then gaslights you into doubting yourself.. honestly 4 months in and he's like that I'm sorry but it'll get worse

Original poster
hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 22:24

No I know you're completely right. It's hard to say. When I'm with him he's looks at his phone even if it's an email beep. But there's times he's ignored me for hours then says oh I was doing this or so.

Now I completely get can't be at my beck and call. It's hard to explain I can't just tell if he goes quiet he's off with me.

Maybe like 3 or 4 times. I know I need to end it I think I know deep down it's gas lighting because now he's saying he loves me so much and trying to completely change the subject that I've called him out on it.

I let last guy emotionally abuse me for 3 years and I got worse and worse. I feel so rubbish

OP posts:
brokenbitbybit · 09/12/2023 22:27

So add love bombing to the list too..

You don't deserve to be put through that again. If you stayed he'd end up using that as a form of control, you please him so you don't get the silent treatment. I've been there done that and binned the TShirt.

I know it's a shitty time to do it but you so deserve better, time for him to go!

Original poster
hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 22:33

The last guy took every thing from me and left me I was a shell. I know I need to end it. Thanks for making me see I'm not crazy it really is a big fear that I actually am x

OP posts:
brokenbitbybit · 09/12/2023 22:36

I promise you're not. Sometimes you get similar ones who can come alone and see the vulnerability.

I guarantee you you are clever kind funny and a great person. That's why they want you so low you'll think that you can't ever leave and they have you like a possession.

Don't put yourself down you should be so so proud of yourself for actually realising it and listening to your intuition. You'll be ok, x

Opentooffers · 09/12/2023 22:46

Yea, let him go. If he's sooo lovely at the start, probably a lovebomber. These types are great until you disagree or disapprove of the slightest thing, that's when they shut you down. Mixed with the cocaine, just don't bother.

Original poster
hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 22:53

Thank you ladies. No I know I deserve better. So the last guy was a confident self assured prick. This guy was shy sweet but too nice if that makes sense.

I know I was in complete denial last time and blamed my self for it all.

I have counselling and in such a better place. The other guy I would and did beg and beg. This one I'm more angry.

Just now worried on how to end it with him. Because he's denying it I know he will cry and cry and make me feel guilty why I give him one chance after cocaine.

Going to have to be decent and do it in person as well 😭

OP posts:
Falalalalaa · 09/12/2023 23:09

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

You can end it by text, you don’t owe him anything.

Did you do the Freedom Program after your last relationship? If not I strongly recommend you do it now x

Original poster
hardwork86 · 09/12/2023 23:13

No I haven't done that freedom programme but I have heard about it. I will have a look at it.

You're definitely right it's a good time to do it. I know I need to stay single fully work on my self

OP posts:
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