Fed up with having to facilitate ex seeing children and dreading Xmas.

[Whsthappensnow]

My ex husband was abusive. I try to be civil for the sake of the DC but the truth is breathing the same air as him is challenging and actually traumatic but I put on a brave face.

If I don't he either refuses to see the children or stops paying maintenance or both. He is constantly pleading poverty and lives in a house share he doesn't want the DC to see.

Recently he went for 5 weeks without seeing the children because he was depressed. He's living a mile away from us and has a good job.

When he sees the children he says he can't afford to feed them or take them out so most of the time I cave in, offer him food and let him play computer games with the children leaving me feeling on edge and uncomfortable in my own home.

After they have seen him the children are badly behaved and extremely unsettled. I don't know what to do.

He has 2 weeks off over Xmas. Didn't make any plans because he hasn't got any money. My Parents keep telling me I ought to let the kids see their dad but I'm fed up with him lurking like a bad smell and expecting me to take pity on him and I'm fed up with pretending everything is OK. Apparently he's even telling my mum he's going to try and win me back.

I'm feeling very stressed by the whole situation. I wanted to enjoy Xmas this year.

He's told me his salary is 22.5k
He pays 800 a month to rent a room. I have told him this is too much but he said he can't get anything else because his credit rating isn't good enough.

That seems really expensive for a room in a shared house. Do you think it's true?

I'd have thought he could get a room cheaper than that, and he doesn't need a credit rating to rent a room off a private individual on spare room.co.uk or similar. They'll just make moves to chuck him out if he doesn't pay.

I live in NI, where salaries are low and 22.5 wouldn't even be bad; and my two bed, quite roomy, terrace house rents for £500!

Why is his credit rating so bad ... Again it's like you suffering for his shitty, irresponsible behaviour. Same as the fact that he can't stay with family and can't even host his kids at his parents house - because they've disowned him.

Did he seriously come on to one of your child's friends mother's at her birthday party. No wonder, in general, that you couldn't bring yourself to stay with him/shag him etc

Maybe he'll find some victim to cock lodge off soon and actually have somewhere to take your kids.

He works quite a way from where we live and it's not accessible by public transport. He says most of his cash goes on running his car

Why doesn't he try to get a job closer to home.

but I think he smokes and drinks a bit too

Well that seems like a more likely explanation for not bothering to see his kids for 5 weeks, than because a former friend he hadn't seen in 30 years passed away.

If it's his mates mum's house he'll probably get her confirm the massive monthly rent. You might mention that HMRC would be interested in this probably unmentioned income being gained by friend's ma.

@EyeInTheSky23 we're in the SW. Small town between 2 cities 5 miles inland from a very touristy area that's seen better days. I know he could get cheaper rent. I pulled him up on it again and he's now saying it's cheaper this way because his bills are included in that and wouldn't be anywhere else.

His salary does seem low for what he does. I have questioned that too.

But today he took the DC to the park, didn't spend the pocket money I gave them and agreed to boxing day so didn't want to cause any further upset for the time being.

However he's told me he's only got £70 to last him the rest of the month and hasn't mentioned Xmas presents for the DC yet.

The credit rating thing he says it's because we lived abroad for so long but I didn't have any issues at all setting anything up when I moved back.

The thing about the other mum at DDs party 2 of the other mums told me but I didn't hear it from the horses mouth as it were. I was actually a bit gutted she blew him out as I genuinely think they're well suited!

Sort if money or not I still think he is taking the piss. I'm glad you are starting to gain control of the situation and leaving him behind.

So he pays me £400 per month and the CMS based on previous earnings is £298. I would struggle on the shortfall but I could make allowances for it.

what about the months he doesn’t pay? £298 is more than zero