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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Atmosphere for days after any sort of row

5 replies

LookingGlass89 · 09/12/2023 20:17

Two days ago we had an argument and the atmosphere has been so tense ever since. Even if he's the one in the wrong, and he really was on this occasion, he acts like the wronged party. He'll sit there in silence then try to have me believe it's all in my head when I call it out. He will give the silent treatment all day then tell me to my face that he hasn't and that nothing is wrong.

That's the worst bit for me. It makes me second gues myself and wonder if I'm being neurotic when actually he's clearly sodding stonewalling me and has been for days.

It drives me mental.

Edited to add, he refused dinner today because apparently he "isn't hungry" when I can virtually guarantee it's some sort of protest.

OP posts:
beachcomber70 · 09/12/2023 20:48

A typically childish reaction. Sulking and an inability to accept responsibility when in the wrong. Immaturity, which means communication is poor and it blocks any chance of talking things through and finding resolutions both now and in the future. It is understandably upsetting for you. Don't second guess yourself, it's his behaviour which is the problem.

My ex H was like this. I would feel so upset as I couldn't get any sense or know what I'd done or was expected to say or do. The tension was awful. It meant we never resolved any problem and he was in denial as to him having any part of the fact was so very unhappy...and it was affecting our 2 innocent sons who picked up the atmosphere [which was the last straw].

ScaredAndPanicky · 09/12/2023 20:55

My STBXH used to do this.
It never improved and we were married for over 20 years. It was always my fault. And until I would have an in depth conversation he refused to speak. I'm still not sure how I was meant to get to an in depth conversation if he wouldn't even look up when I entered a room or spoke to him
Anyhow when he started doing the same with our teenagers and didn't speak to our eldest for 2 months after they had a row I decided it was time to leave

Original poster
LookingGlass89 · 09/12/2023 21:15

Ugh so they're a type then. It's a ploy to get you to pander and be the one to make the peace isn't it? I hate arguing but I much prefer it to the stonewalling.

You are both well out of it by the sounds of it.

OP posts:
Ebokebok · 09/12/2023 21:44

It's called gaslighting. A well used tactic to make you believe it's all your fault. Anyway....the only way to deal with the silent treatment is to harden yourself up. Don't beg, plead, ask, discuss or acknowledge what they're doing. Just don't engage with it. Go out or get busy doing something, anything and let them fester. Never lower yourself to begging them to please talk to you.

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 21:46

I'd leave if you can, it's not going to get any better

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