Is this a rut or already over?

[Emmajohnson28]

I’ve been with my partner for 8 years. Had lots of good times and now we have a child. He’s a great dad but I do have to nag at him to do normal things like change nappies. Everything is in a minute as he will be on his phone. Nothing is ever a priority and he won’t just get up and do something, he needs telling constantly.

Lately things have been getting worse. He does no housework, without me nagging. I also work and do most the childcare. He had a day off on his own a week and just uses the day to relax.

His mum came to stays for a few days and he made constant brews and food on demand. If I ever ask for any help it’s in a minute and 30 mins later he’s still sat in his phone. I just don’t feel valued, appreciated or respected.

We haven’t had sex in months and I don’t feel anything for him now. I think the years of nagging has ruined our relationship.

I have told him this and he said he will help more and I’m not unhappy I just had a bad day/week. He never takes it seriously. We had been in the process of buying a business before this was all happening and it’s a lot of money we are putting down. We have to sign in a month so if we cancel now we just have to pay solicitors fees. Now I’m having doubts that I’m going to be making a terrible decision and this isn’t just a rut.

I really don’t know what to do. He’s really hard to talk to and just seems to get personal and thinks I’m just after an argument when I’d happily move out, I just want my child to have a happy home and wish we could work things out.

I don’t know why I’m writing on here, maybe for opinions or advice. I’ve told my parents parts but don’t have anyone to speak to properly as our friends are mostly couples that know him too and I don’t want to worry my parents.

I could have written this myself (minus the business buying!). I'm afraid I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and run. Hopefully someone comes along who's been in this position and come out the other side x

How's he a great dad if he won't change a nappy without telling?

I presume it's a very low bar such as being playful and cute with the child, rather than actually parenting.

It doesn't sound like you're married? So I would not get more financially entangled with a man you're not happy with.

Better lose solicitors fees than find yourself financially enmeshed in a failing relationship. I hope you've had financial advice independently of him, if you're supposed to be putting money in?

He is not a great dad and nor is he a great partner.

He does not respect you at all and he’s a dreadful role model of what a parent should be to their child.

Do not bother going into business with him because by the sounds of it your workload/life load will increase and he has shown you he cannot be relied upon

Dont keep doing this to yourself. New year. New start!!

Well, you've got a sure fire way to make him take you seriously. Lay it on him that you are having second thoughts about buying into the business, as you don't like the way your relationship is. Let the bomb drop and sit with him. If he needs your financial input for it, he will take it seriously. ( I'd drop the bomb then walk out the room if he's that hard to talk to, but that's just me) hopefully it should prompt serious discussion.

You would be crazy to buy a business with a man like that! Why would you do that?

He's completely useless and he's not present in the relationship. You can do far better than this.

Why would he put anything into a relationship with a wife that nags him constantly, wont have sex with him and trades personal insults with when angry. Hes not making an effort, you're not making an effort. He has checked out, you've checked out. Sometimes this happens.