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Original poster

Pregnant and homeless

18 replies

Namechange78903 · 09/12/2023 16:04

Ok so my sister has ended up homeless due to her having a history with drugs she has now been clean for 6 months she is now 3 months pregnant has a range of health conditions she was only meant to stay with me for a weekend it now just over a week. I have 2 kids and really don't have the room for her but the main thing is she doesn't seem to be doing anything to get help with housing and any time I phone on her behalf to even get her temporary accommodation she always starts crying and saying she feels so sick and has bad headache. My kids are having to share a bed so she has somewhere to sleep she's getting showers at 4am and waking my kids up so they are shattered in school. I just don't know what to do any advice is greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 09/12/2023 16:55

OP - she has only been clean 6mo. Is homeless and had no way of supporting herself.
She is in no shape to be having a baby.
It is very simple.
You are being manipulated and the way it’s going you’ll have a newborn there in half a year.

You need to get tough with her - to protect your kids.
Abortion first. Let her stay for a bit to recover and as its holidays. - but only if she cooperates and had an abortion.
Then she goes to a refuge or a shelter.

confusedmum16 · 09/12/2023 17:03

MMmomDD · 09/12/2023 16:55

OP - she has only been clean 6mo. Is homeless and had no way of supporting herself.
She is in no shape to be having a baby.
It is very simple.
You are being manipulated and the way it’s going you’ll have a newborn there in half a year.

You need to get tough with her - to protect your kids.
Abortion first. Let her stay for a bit to recover and as its holidays. - but only if she cooperates and had an abortion.
Then she goes to a refuge or a shelter.

You can't blackmail her into having an abortion!

Viviennemary · 09/12/2023 17:06

Give her a week to move out. As long as you are a soft touch she'll stay. Put your own kids first.

vjg13 · 09/12/2023 17:10

Do you think she may be eligible for a Mum and baby or pregnant Mum type of foster placement with her history where she will get some support during her pregnancy and with the baby? Worth looking into.

billy1966 · 09/12/2023 17:12

Viviennemary · 09/12/2023 17:06

Give her a week to move out. As long as you are a soft touch she'll stay. Put your own kids first.

This.

You and your children do not deserve this.

Pineapplewaves · 09/12/2023 17:13

She won't be entitled to emergency housing while she is living at yours. While she is staying at yours she has a roof over her head and is not homeless. You need to tell her to leave, first thing Monday morning. Tell her to go to the council housing office and tell them she is homeless. You may get a phone call from the council asking you to change your mind about asking her to leave and to take her back due to there being a housing crisis etc. You need to stand your ground and stick to your decision to ask her to leave.

Hopefully she's be placed in temporary accommodation. She'll get referred to social services by the midwife due to her drug issues so hopefully they'll be help from them too.

Pinkbonbon · 09/12/2023 17:37

Why is she keeping the baby if she's not got a roof over her head?

Unless maybe she thinks it'll keep her off the drugs?

Tbh I wouldn't have taken her in. You have kids to think of. They need to come first.

But now she's there - set some ground rules. It's your house. Have her go to the council first thing with a suitcase and tell them she's homeless and pregnant.

MMmomDD · 09/12/2023 20:02

@confusedmum16

This is not blackmailing her to have an abortion. This is being clear on boundaries.
And - telling her to come back to reality.
She is not in a position to have a baby. Barely off drugs, pregnant by accident, no way to support herself..
That baby has no chance in life. Child shouldn’t be brought to the world to keep her off drugs. She needs to actually be clean and make responsible choices before even considering having a baby.

OP needs to kick her out and so that she starts to take responsibility for her own life.
But if she lets her stay now without at least setting this boundary - she’ll end up with another kid there

Anotherparkingthread · 09/12/2023 21:02

MMmomDD · 09/12/2023 16:55

OP - she has only been clean 6mo. Is homeless and had no way of supporting herself.
She is in no shape to be having a baby.
It is very simple.
You are being manipulated and the way it’s going you’ll have a newborn there in half a year.

You need to get tough with her - to protect your kids.
Abortion first. Let her stay for a bit to recover and as its holidays. - but only if she cooperates and had an abortion.
Then she goes to a refuge or a shelter.

I've read some shocking shit on this website but blackmailing your own sister into having an abortion, allowing her to stay for a bit 'as it's the holidays' then kicking her out into a refuge anyway, has to be the single nastiest most disgusting, of them all.

Original poster
Namechange78903 · 09/12/2023 22:46

I would never make anyone have an abortion but I stood my ground and I have phoned the out of hours housing and spoke to them we have to ring before 1pm tomorrow and she will be put into temporary accommodation have told her she will still have all the support I can give her but my kids will always have to come 1st

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 09/12/2023 23:57

OP - of course you can’t make her have an abortion. But maybe she’ll listen to a voice of reason? It’s clear your sister is in no mental place to think rationally.
Babies are not new cuddly toys.

Do you really think it’s fair for a baby to be brought to life this way? What sort of life would be they have?

confusedmum16 · 10/12/2023 00:24

MMmomDD · 09/12/2023 23:57

OP - of course you can’t make her have an abortion. But maybe she’ll listen to a voice of reason? It’s clear your sister is in no mental place to think rationally.
Babies are not new cuddly toys.

Do you really think it’s fair for a baby to be brought to life this way? What sort of life would be they have?

She can get help from social services who can support her if this is what OP sister wants. It's not OP place to suggest abortion

GotTheTshirtx1000 · 10/12/2023 00:37

What support does she have for her recovery? It's she going to meetings (CA or NA?) She needs as much support as possible you can also get support from co anon.

She does need to move out because it is impacting your children.

She does sound manipulative but addicts often are in my experience.

She can get better, I'm in recovery myself so I know it's possible. If you want to private message I'm happy to speak to your sister about my recovery.

Its far from ideal to bring a baby into her life at the moment but it's her decision, is she mentally in the right place to give her child a good life, is she prepared to put the work in to stay clean? Where is the father?

Original poster
Namechange78903 · 10/12/2023 09:49

Aww it's all just a nightmare she all ready has one child who she isn't even allowed to see. She has been told her best option if she didn't want an abortion was adoption which I think is the best way forward and have told her this as many out there aren't able to have kids and would be a blessing for them. I had to get an ambulance for her last night as she was having fits which the paramedic informed me that they are definitely not epileptic like she has been telling everyone. Found out she actually turned down temporary accommodation because she didn't like the location so as it stands now I have informed paramedic (who was absolutely amazing)of everything and he said hospital will contact a social worker and that unfortunately its hard on family to help when the person doesn't even want to help themselves.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 10/12/2023 09:55

I'm sorry OP but you will have to step back from her I think.

Original poster
Namechange78903 · 10/12/2023 10:15

@BMW6 I agree with you I have my 2 kids and my own health to worry about only so much I can do I have gave her all the details she needs to sort out accommodation.

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 10/12/2023 10:50

Put your own kids first. None of you deserve this.

MrsKeapp · 16/04/2024 21:01

Anotherparkingthread · 09/12/2023 21:02

I've read some shocking shit on this website but blackmailing your own sister into having an abortion, allowing her to stay for a bit 'as it's the holidays' then kicking her out into a refuge anyway, has to be the single nastiest most disgusting, of them all.

Edited
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Some of these women on Mumsnet are absolutely vile. It’s like an incel echo chamber for women.

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