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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When to go NC with a parent

3 replies

whattodoso · 08/12/2023 20:17

Hi
This is about my dad. For context, I am mid twenties with a toddler.
Parents divorced when I was perhaps around 5, I'm not 100% sure. My dad was okay with us until I was around 11 years old, when suddenly it just all stopped. I remember waiting around for his calls and he'd say he'd visit and then never came. We had moved two hours away from him.
Ever since then, it's felt so forced. He doesn't talk to me (or sister) unless we start the conversation and he doesn't visit. I haven't seen him in many months and he doesn't speak to us anymore unless we reach out. My mother has always tried to keep him involved but he doesn't instigate anything.
I've forgiven him time and time again (with no apologies from him) for not being there but I'm just reaching my last nerve with it all. I gave him a chance again recently and reached out, however he engaged in a chat for a little while and then ignored me. No message in months.
I feel the ups and downs aren't worth it anymore. He's a good man and funny, everybody who meets him thinks he's great. He's been this way with his other children. I don't know 4 of my siblings because of him and his ways. He's been like this with all of us Sad
I'd hate to go NC and then something bad happen to him, but I also don't want this relationship any longer. I'm not sure at what point you decide which is healthier for you.

OP posts:
MinervatheGreat · 08/12/2023 20:36

Just keep contact minimal.
Send birthday/Christmas cards with a note of some news.
If you think of him whilst on holiday, send a postcard.
In other words keep the channel
open but apart from that keep your distance. At least he can never say you’ve not been in touch and might put him in an emotional place you find easier to accept.

whattodoso · 08/12/2023 20:43

I think this is probably the most sensible option, but I just feel so angry. I don't feel like I want to send him anything or update him, I feel like he doesn't deserve it and he doesn't care. He doesn't bother with me at all so it's hard to find it within myself to be kind Sad
I haven't expressed how he's made me feel and all I want to do is send a message explaining what he's caused

OP posts:
fulawitt · 08/12/2023 21:11

YOu could do it, but will it hcange a thing. It seems he has already nc you and basically you are now understanding it and acknowledging it.

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