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Original poster

Ranting

10 replies

meghanlovee · 08/12/2023 00:54

Hey y'all I'm just here ranting. Recently my mom and siblings became homeless. This is something that I have been talking to my boyfriend of 2 years about for a long time. I have always told him I will help when I can and that's what I plan on doing. A little back story when my grandmother passed away she left her home to my mother.

She has been in that house over 9 years. One of her sisters who had a bigger percentage recently sold the house. So now that they are packing and moving things out I tell him I can't not help my family. I would expect for him to help his folks if they needed it.

But no he tells me she's a grown woman and it's time to make her fend for herself. He even starts naming all the things we will no longer be able to do. But this is my home and I pay all of my bills. I feel like his response is selfish because I would never say or think of the things he said to me.

He has now started to pack his things because he'll be coming here for no reason. And nobody is here they are in a hotel at the moment. He will say things like excuse me for thinking about our relationship first as if I have not done that. He didnt plan on being in a long distant relationship and IF they need to stay with me for a while how will this work for our relationship.

I have been wanting to buy a home and planned on doing it next year. He said sarcastically so when you move out you gonna look for space for everyone? Now he does not live with me he comes and stays with me when he is not working. I have no words for him because his reaction is ridiculous. And they are not even here yet.

This is my family how can you take that stance I don't get it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/12/2023 01:10

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and tell him to fuck off. Permanently. Who you see now will only get worse.

Usernamechange1234 · 08/12/2023 06:33

Get rid of him, he will not change.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 08/12/2023 07:54

Of course you help your family and put him in the bin.

JimBeamCoke · 08/12/2023 08:41

So your bf comes and stays with you and does not contribute any money? It sounds like he might be more concerned about losing out on his free lodgings.
Make sure your boundaries are clear and your family also don’t take advantage and come to rely on your free hospitality long term.

Hbosh · 08/12/2023 14:39

I absolutely understand you wanting to help your family in their time of need. My family went through a bankruptcy a few years ago and I drained my savings account to help them out.

However, I have to ask. How can it be that your mother was living in that house, knowing it would be sold, and not plan ahead to find another place to live? Why are you the one having to fix that problem?
Can you honestly say that your family has done everything they can to try and fix their own mess? Or are they just used to you fixing their problems every time?

I'm asking because, yes, your boyfriend should be understanding when you need to help out your family.
But, it's not strange for a boyfriend to try to tell you - for your own good - that there are limits to how much you can and should be doing for your family, at your own expense. Especially when you're trying to build a life for yourself and that keeps getting interrupted because you have to take care of others first.

DidiAskYouThough · 08/12/2023 14:46

It's precisely none of his business.

No need to keep meeting up with him, he sounds incredibly thick and pointless.

Pinkbonbon · 08/12/2023 15:00

He contributes nothing to your household. He doesn't get a say.

However, I wonder if you are prone to codependecy.

There's nothing wrong with putting family up but, just pointing out that presumably they knew the house was going to sell and they now have money from the sale. So why were they not looking to rent somewhere?

Maybe they just weren't able to find somewhere in time?

But I'm just asking because you've clearly tolerated too much mooching from this guy. And it makes me wonder if you have form for that?

Original poster
meghanlovee · 08/12/2023 15:09

Hbosh · 08/12/2023 14:39

I absolutely understand you wanting to help your family in their time of need. My family went through a bankruptcy a few years ago and I drained my savings account to help them out.

However, I have to ask. How can it be that your mother was living in that house, knowing it would be sold, and not plan ahead to find another place to live? Why are you the one having to fix that problem?
Can you honestly say that your family has done everything they can to try and fix their own mess? Or are they just used to you fixing their problems every time?

I'm asking because, yes, your boyfriend should be understanding when you need to help out your family.
But, it's not strange for a boyfriend to try to tell you - for your own good - that there are limits to how much you can and should be doing for your family, at your own expense. Especially when you're trying to build a life for yourself and that keeps getting interrupted because you have to take care of others first.

She said she has been looking around and not able to find a place because rent is so high. I understand that part because rent is high. I am not able to permanently help but I can for a couple of weeks. The family has not received their payment yet for the house. This is about all I can do. I've discussed this with him. That's why I was so upset with his response.

OP posts:
Original poster
meghanlovee · 08/12/2023 15:17

Pinkbonbon · 08/12/2023 15:00

He contributes nothing to your household. He doesn't get a say.

However, I wonder if you are prone to codependecy.

There's nothing wrong with putting family up but, just pointing out that presumably they knew the house was going to sell and they now have money from the sale. So why were they not looking to rent somewhere?

Maybe they just weren't able to find somewhere in time?

But I'm just asking because you've clearly tolerated too much mooching from this guy. And it makes me wonder if you have form for that?

Yes she is still looking but is having trouble because of the prices of rent. And other places that have a waiting list have not called her back yet.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 08/12/2023 15:21

Yeah fair enough, so long as its not out of the frying pan, into the fire.

In a relationship, things like this happen sometimes. So long as it's just a few weeks whilst they sort something out, he should suck it up.

Especially if he contributes nothing financially and it's your home!

But if he's that sort of person then of course he'll continue to be selfish.

He's probably paranoid your family will tell you what a user he is. Leeches usually don't like our friends and family because they know these people have our back and will point out their bullshit.

Turf him out ASAP.
Don't take him back.

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