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Original poster

Trouble with DP friends. Help!

15 replies

creditdraper · 07/12/2023 23:47

I’ve posted about this couple who were my DP’s friends before he and I got together. They are insufferable to be around. I dearly love all DP other friends and get on really well with them.
I’m still at a loss regarding how I cope with them. During the Covid lockdown we didn’t see them at all for ages and I was so happy, stress free, without a care, lost weight and was motivated to eat and exercise well. Now that we have to see them again I am comfort eating, have no motivation whatsoever to do anything, have gained weight and feel awful.
Everything they do is “marvellous,” and so much better than anyone else you know. The woman fat shames others in public including me and is very critical and controlling. The man is stubborn as they come, always right and never admits if he is wrong (neither does she) and never apologises. He has weird beliefs and she is very tactless in our company.
I cannot stop seeing them as my DP won’t and I would never want to tell him who to see and who not to see, he even becomes depressed over them and refuses to answer his phone if his male friend rings. My DP has a serious illness and I don’t want to stress him further by refusing to see them but ……aaaaaagh! Help! It’s ruining my quality of life.
Thanks for reading if you’ve reached this far. I only wanted to rant to someone who doesn’t know them. I’m not really looking for a solution because at the moment there isn’t one. 😭

OP posts:

JimBeamCoke · 07/12/2023 23:53

If your DP wants to see them then he sees them. There is no forced obligation to also have to go. Make an excuse next time why you can’t attend the next meet up and slowly withdraw from the relationship. Life is too short.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 07/12/2023 23:53

Let him crack on and see his friends and just don't join in on meetings etc

He can either like it or lump it.

Tinkerbyebye · 07/12/2023 23:59

You don’t have to see them. They are his friends not yours just don’t meet up and let him go on his own

Minglingpringle · 08/12/2023 00:04

You must see them an awful lot for them to affect you this badly. Why do you let them get to you so much? Why do you not just think “well, these people aren’t very nice”? Why does your husband see them if it depresses him to do so? Why do you agree to see them at all if you dislike them so much?

All you need to do is decide not to see them again. Your husband would be well advised to do the same. He can tell them, since they’re his “friends”.

Minglingpringle · 08/12/2023 00:06

If you genuinely think that stopping seeing these horrible friends that neither of you like will make your husband’s illness worse, then just disassociate yourself from them mentally. Tell yourself they are not your friends and nothing they say matters,

Rogue1001MNer · 08/12/2023 00:26

I just wanted to pick up on this point in your OP...

I was so happy, stress free, without a care, lost weight and was motivated to eat and exercise well. Now that we have to see them again I am comfort eating, have no motivation whatsoever to do anything, have gained weight and feel awful.

And just from this comment, you are giving these people waaaaaaay too much power.

They might be evil cunts (or perfectly nice people who you don't happen to like), but you have agency and choice about your body, who you spend time with, who affects you, etc.

Opentooffers · 08/12/2023 00:46

You can't blame others for your own health problems, that is down to you. Sure they are a pain, but how you deal with it is on you and maybe you should seek some counselling as you seem over-affected by them, when really, meeting people you don't gel with is just a fact of life, it happens now and then.
Meantime, while not stopping him going out with them, you don't have to tag along. Avoidance should be possible.

ChateauDuMont · 08/12/2023 00:53

'During the Covid lockdown we didn’t see them at all for ages and I was so happy, stress free, without a care, lost weight and was motivated to eat and exercise well. Now that we have to see them again I am comfort eating, have no motivation whatsoever to do anything, have gained weight and feel awful.'

I have read some ridiculous things on here but that takes the biscuit!

What do this couple do other than be irritating, opinionated rude bores? Put a gun to your head and tell you to scoff doughnuts?

You simply choose not to mix with them if you can't hold your own with them.

Let your partner see them on his own.

mindutopia · 08/12/2023 11:30

Truly, don't see them! I generally really like all of dh's friends, but now that we have hit the stage in life where all of us are coupled up and most with young children, it's become like a 'couples' meet up every time. I really don't want to be the 'entertainer of friends' wives' so I say, nope, I'm busy. That doesn't work for me. You go see them and have fun. Oh, they're coming over? I'm out that day, you sort lunch for them then. If he is unwilling to socialise without you or insists they must come and stay at your house for the week, actually he's controlling who you can socialise with. If you don't like someone and they are unkind to you, you don't have to be around them and your partner is being controlling to insist that you are. He can still spend time with his friends without you around.

skibiditoilet · 08/12/2023 11:36

It’s a shame that two people have such a hold over your life. But this is only because you let them. Become less available and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!

Cosywintertime · 08/12/2023 11:40

I’m at a loss. Let him see them, you go out, don’t join, whatever, you’re a grown up, as is your partner, you can make independent choices.

BranchGold · 08/12/2023 11:42

Yeah, I’m not understanding why this is enforced upon you.

your social life and wellbeing is your agenda. I’d make myself unavailable for the next few meetings.

Adropofink · 08/12/2023 12:56

I can’t imagine ever being in this position so it’s hard to give advice. I can’t understand why your DP wants to maintain the friendship when it has such a negative impact on him. If I was you, I’d just stop joining, let DP see them alone, make your excuses and leave him to it. I certainly wouldn’t be spending time with people that made me feel like that.

Starchipenterprise · 09/12/2023 18:16

Dontbeme · 09/12/2023 18:59

What does your DP say or do when his friend fat shames you? Just stop seeing these people, start being very busy with a new hobby when your DP wants to see them, if he questions it, just be honest that they are rude to you and you don't like them.

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