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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bullying husband

7 replies

Newmum888 · 07/12/2023 20:03

Since having children, my husband has turned into a bully and I’m just lost as to how to deal with it. He constantly criticises my parenting but yet spend no time with me or our three children at the weekend instead plays sports both days for long periods of time. We both work full time. He challenges me if I hug our son and play fights with him to toughen him up as according to him he’s too soft. This is not true at all, our little boy is lovely. Last half term, we went to a park and he spent the whole time following game around chastising me for helping our son go on the slide or swing etc as he should be doing it for himself. He’s two and I was simply helping him. Last month, we went to a preschool tour and I was bending down playing with my son with some of the toys whilst talking to the prospective teacher and my husband says stop playing with him, let him go on his own. I could see the preschool teacher look embarrassed. He has this thing about our children being seen to be the most sporty or the toughest and if they’re not, it’s my fault. He took our youngest to swimming when he was about six months and stormed out of the changing g rooms after he wasn’t good enough or well behaved. He was six months old. I am so flustered by keeping the peace all the time but I feel like I’m living with a bully. ☹️

OP posts:
Santaiswashinghissleigh · 07/12/2023 20:06

The best thing you can do for your ds is get rid of that man. He seriously sounds like my ex. We had 3 ds's. He was a crap df.. When I left him he saw them because his dps made him. As pre teens they went nc. He never bothered.. He was a bully to me and them.

MummytoAAandX · 07/12/2023 20:06

Honestly, that doesn't sound like a nice life for you or your DC and you all sound like you might be happier without him. Have you talked to him about how you feel? Would he engage positively with that discussion? If nothing changes I think you might need to separate

Newmum888 · 07/12/2023 20:07

He won’t engage with any dialogue surrounding his behaviour. We are always in the wrong. I fear leaving him though I won’t be around to keep the peace and my children will have to endure it alone.

OP posts:
AllrightNowBaby · 07/12/2023 20:20

Tell him straight that you’ve had enough of him bullying you and the kids and you want a divorce.
Start from there!
Protect your children and do not leave them alone with him, his behaviour could affect their mental health, both now and in the future.
What are your living arrangements?
Rented? Or owner?
See a solicitor to see where you stand and tell them exactly why you want a divorce.

StrawberryWater · 07/12/2023 20:32

Leave.

Seriously, before he starts damaging your children.

Newmum888 · 07/12/2023 20:44

Last summer, my youngest son got a friction burn on a slide in soft play and was upset, wanted a cuddle. My husband was furious and kept goading son saying even girls can go down that slide. My son wanted comfort and went to sit on my knee and my husband refused to let him. He was only three. I look back on these things and can how wrong it is but at the time, I was just so taken aback by his behaviour and trying to placate him. Outwardly to others, he is charming and attentive.

OP posts:
DazedandConfused1234 · 07/12/2023 20:48

A bully and a misogynist to boot! Please OP, if he wont listen to your concerns about his behaviour, leave him. Otherwise, your DS will grow up with the same attitudes, and come to treat you with as little respect as your H does now.

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