I will try not to make this too long. There is a long back story though, leading to a point where I am essentially NC with my elderly father, emotional abuse going back to childhood, massively impacted my ability to form adult relationships, almost broke my marriage etc. Father is now 87, in poor health.
Anyway, to the current issue. Father had a business best part of 30 years ago which involved children's play equipment. When he retired, he kept some of it, which my kids used when they were little, before I went NC. Husband had some of it checked by an expert about 10 years ago, was told it no longer met H&S requirements. Father refused to let us dispose of it, but wouldn't take it away either. It is still stored at mine. It is large and heavy, I cannot move it on my own. I am sick of it cluttering my home.
I contacted my brothers, told them I plan to take it to the dump. They are both outraged, telling me I need to return it, that it is not mine to throw away. That I had no right to keep it, ignoring that father wouldn't take it back. Ignoring that we are talking about a broken, inanimate object. And that I am NC with him, that father cares nothing for human relationships, just 'stuff'. There have been other similar situations over the years, where old broken crap is a 'family heirloom', and disposal gets used as an excuse for more abuse of whoever did the disposing. Grudges are held for decades. He still berates my mother for accidental breakages over 40 years ago.
Older brother is classic golden child, but doesn't see it. Younger also been NC on and off for over 20 years but gets sucked back in. At the moment, he is in... and just sees him as a frail old man, has forgotten all the years of damage, the irony being that the final straw for me was father laying into this brother the last time father was at my house and I told him I wouldn't tolerate it, before kicking him out. Apparently father asked about this item 2 weeks ago, so I suggested brother collect it and take it back. He won't do that.
They are insistent that it is easiest all round if I return it. But that is not easiest for me, as i want nothing to do with father. Husband will not take it, he hates my father even more than I do! I have also suggested to them that one of them could store it at their place. They won't do that either. They won't even contact him and ask his permission to throw out. It is madness. Whatever I suggest, gets pushed back to me. It feels as if they are trying to manipulate me into seeing/contacting father.
I love my brothers dearly, but cannot get sucked back into this dynamic for my own MH, and for the currently still very fragile state of my marriage, which we are working to fix. Interaction with my father is not an option. They simply do not understand because their experience growing up was so different to mine. And despite the fact that when my younger brother has struggled with his MH, guess who was there for him? Put a roof over his and his partner's heads for months, allowed them to store their stuff with me for years on end.
Not sure I have a specific question, more of a help me navigate this ridiculous mess!
Yes, I should probably be on the stately homes thread!