Help me get a grip

[Wahtnow]

I've been single for about 3 years now. I've had a few mild flirtations, but mostly I've spent the time building a really lovely single life for myself, a good mixed set of friends, some hobbies and hobby groups and plenty of travel.

I've actually discovered a whole new personality, I thought I was quite the introvert before. I'm now starting to feel there might be room for "someone", although I definitely don't want it to be an all consuming give up my new life kind of relationship, rather add to it.

Personally, I'd recommend anyone building this time before embarking on new relationships.

However (you knew there'd be a but) someone I know has fairly recently split with his wife. He confided in me at the start of the year that they were struggling, she wanted to leave, he was devastated and determined to save it. I haven't talked to him much about it since, but it hasn't worked out and they're now separated, but still living in the marital home (yes, that old chestnut).

I find myself thinking about him a lot. I don't really doubt that they've separated, but I'm not going to get involved with a married man still living at home. Also my advice to him would be to enjoy being single for a while. But I can't shake him out of my head.

Also, he'd fit right into the friendship group I've built, he's a nice man in a similar situation to the rest of us. Really what I should do is invite him to join us on a few things platonically, thaw's how weve all arrived in the group, someone did a kind thing and extended a hand of friendship at a tricky time...but I'm not entirely sure I can be trusted!

What to do?

No advice? I'd like to invite him along to the next social, as a nice thing to do, I'm just not sure if I'm doing it for him or me.

Nothing stop you to be her friend, just that. You need to apply your own advice to yourself.

Nobody knows about the future but you already know that his present is passing through a separation/divorce and I think you had worked very hard on your own life to get involved in such a mess. Even the more amicable splits are messy.

You don't want that, you are also not a life saver, you are just a woman that like and enjoy her life.

I wouldn't get involved romantically with him at this stage. Also it seems like he is or was reluctant to the split, that is not good he may be still in denial about that relationship, or try in the future or whatever. What I meant to say is that you don't need that, do you?

Invite him because if you do and he turns it down then you know where you stand. If he comes you can see how well you get on.

Basically you fancy having him as a shag buddy? Is that it? That's what it sounds like.

No, it's not that. I fancy him as a partner where we maintain our own lives and don't live in each other's pockets, which I think is fairly common for people starting out again in middle age. I just know it's not the right time for that with him now.

I also like him a lot as a human being and friend and he's had/having a rotten time, so I'd like to invite him to join us socially sometimes. Unexpected people reaching out to me like that was invaluable when I was in a similar position.

Go find another man who is single, and available.

Leave him alone.

Cut all ties with him. Only exchange minimum greetings, in public, nothing beyond. No conversations.

Don't invite him to anything, nor befriend him.

He is married, and they are living together.

Don't be inappropriate and disrespectful..

There's billions of men out there, stop being lazy( it's lazy when a lot of people intentionally go after married person..just because that person is there and may be nice to them)....when there's plenty of single people out there) and find a single available man...even to platonically befriend.

I don't disagree that's what I should do for my own sanity, but how is any of it inappropriate and disrespectful?

You don't genuinely know his situation. You only know what he's been telling you.

Don't get involved. Don't invite him anywhere. Leave him alone.

If he's still living in the marital home, and so is his wife, he's not "separated", by definition.

They've had some kind of conversation about intention to separate perhaps. Maybe even sleeping in different rooms. But they aren't separated. There's been no separation.

That's my opinion anyway

You want to invite a man you're attracted to, who still lives with his wife, out, platonically?

What's wrong with just... not doing that?

He's a married man, living with his wife.
That you've been fantasizing and obsessing about a lot. You also want to invite him out so that you can slowly or rapidly make a move on him.

Under the first outing disguised as a "support group". .

You are wanting him.

Stop being lazy and get a single available man....

or do you just like to go after men in relationships...because perhaps you feel it's exciting and will add excitement to your life?

You know that it's wrong. You know why it's wrong.

If you do invite him and you develop stronger feelings for him then you're in a real mess.

He's not even fully out of a serious relationship, let alone had the time to reflect and build a new life as you yourself believe is so important.

You'd be risking your current happiness. For what? Are you being honest with yourself about how strong your attraction is?