Around one year ago, my mum met her new boyfriend online. He was nice and chatty at first but quite loud and obnoxious. He was kind of overbearing, honestly, but it was one of those things I got used to as he was around our house a lot. Myself and my mum have lived here for over a year now, it was once our safe space, and we used to do everything together. I'm in my mid-20s, and she broke up with my dad when I was around 18. Ever since she got herself involved with controlling men and broke up with her last long-term ex of 5 years when she found out he was cheating and he walked out. It seems like now she has repeated the same patterns and is going for men who are worse and worse than her last.
Her boyfriend grew more and more clingy til now, when he is around the house almost every day. I started to notice abnormalities in their relationship when he started to show a controlling and possessive side. He would constantly be contacting her when we were doing things together. When we went out for drinks, it would constantly be ruined or dictated by him. He started giving her curfews for when to be done spending time with me and even suggested a monthly schedule for the time she could spend with me.
Before this, we used to do everything together.
It has gotten worse since then. At least once a week, they argue in our home, which just forced me to escape to my room. One night, things got so bad and he was shouting and swearing at her. I went downstairs and told him to leave and never come back. He refused. My mum asked him to leave, and he still refused or tried to talk his way out of it. He drinks a lot and is a non-functioning alcoholic, in my opinion. He speaks slowly and sways from side to side, even during the day. So that night, I told my BF the situation. He came to the house and asked him to leave, to which he still refused. So my bf had to remove him physically. At this point, I was in tears and shaking with anxiety, as that is the way I feel most of the time when he is in the house.
There are all sorts of things I've heard them speak about, I've heard that he has allegations against him from his ex; he also has a driving ban from drinking and is serving community service. He has also hit my mum.
Recently they bought puppies together (me and my mum recently lost our family dog of 13+ years). I think it was to try and salvage their sh*tty relationship. They are mostly at our house. My mum was meant to go out at the weekend, and I noticed he was getting overly drunk again on the days running up to it. They had a major argument the night before, so I left that night. He then refused to look after the dogs on the day my mum was meant to go out. He went home and dropped a bag of my mum's stuff outside, saying they were over and that she was cheating and not loyal. He then threatened her with thousands of pounds (because he is currently helping my mum out financially with work matters). Her friend was understandably furious as she cancelled last minute.
I think around a day after this, they were playing happy families again, and he is back at the house.
For me, I think my mum has an escape from this shitbag. She has loving family and friends who care about her and only want the best for her. But she refuses to listen to our points of view about this vile man. The worst part is how it has affected our relationship, and I never get to spend time with her anymore without him turning up. She has isolated herself from her friends as they cannot support her relationship anymore.
She's now trying to make amends with me and is asking to spend time with me next week, but I think I have been treated unfairly. I've tried talking to her about my opinions, but she shuts it down and goes on the defensive. Saying things like "we are working on our relationship" and that I'm judgemental, disrespectful and spoiled. At this point, it's a joke. I just don't know what to do as it's my mum at the end of the day, and I want to spend time with her. But I feel hurt that she has put me in this situation as my mental health is deteriorating, and I've started getting anxiety attacks in my own home. She has completely changed in the last year, and he's turned her into a different person.
Thanks in advance and any resources or information for support are welcomed.