Hello
I’m feeling really sad, and guilty right now and i really need advices cause i think I’m becoming crazy. I wanna know if i took the right decision, and if i should continue with him, or let him go?
So, i met this guy online (24) and I’m a female (20), 7 months ago. We are long distance, but live in the same country, so it would be easy to meet. At first he was replying texts so fast, asking me to play a game with him, was flirty. After 2 months of talking we both admitted we liked each other. We have a super good connection, and talked really deep. Some things at first made me wonder, he said the kind of things like: “i don’t want stability in a relationship” but i let that go and didn’t thought more of it. But he did want a serious relationship and me too, but we wanted to meet IRL first before starting anything (something we both agreed on)
Then, after those 2 months, he started to answer less my texts, was not flirty at all anymore, don’t initiate anything. He still asked me questions about my day, things i talked about so that was great! But all the romantic side was over. After those 2 months, he never tried to flirt ever again, and he never expressed his feelings. I told him a few times, and asked him why he seemed to answer less (sometimes not answering for a day but being on social media, i didn’t stalk, i just saw his posts on my timeline) and he said he was struggling with things and busy, and i understood! So i gave him time. But then even after few months nothing changed, so i asked him again. He did say he still has feelings for me but was really busy so again i understood. But then he was really giving no efforts. Texts for me are not enough, especially with the fact we were long distance. So i asked for calls, and he said he was busy, he would tell me when he could call. But he never did, cause i always has to remind him again and again. In September, i had enough and i told him it’s better if we stop this between us. He wrote me a paragraph saying he was sorry, listing all my qualities and finally opened up to me. He said he always struggled about serious relationship, and most of the girls he dated left him and said he didn’t take anything seriously. I was sad cause i felt bad for him and told myself we could work on it together then and he said he would take time to think about it! But i had to remind him to tell me his decision and he didn’t bring it up himself, but he finally said we could try (we even called for it for the first time. I said what i needed in a relationship, that i want him to flirt like he did before to create more intimacy between us ,to plan calls so I’m not the only one doing it, and take me more seriously. Also he lied about one thing.
For 2 weeks he was good. He tried to answer more fast and he planned calls, (still treated me like a friend thought and didn’t flirt or initiated emotional intimacy, but i was ok with that) but it didn’t last long. He stopped doing it after and said he was too busy to calls and all, and i was understanding cause he is in uni, but still sad he could not give even 1 hour of his time during the week to call. We tried to text everyday but it was always not that long. He was ok with not talking to me that much and it hurt me. I felt constantly hurt and unimportant for him over time. I was always initiating things, reminded him of things we planned, being the only one creating emotional intimacy ect, and overall he was not invested at all, to make an effort to keep me. I asked him to tell me if we could meet during winter break (cause I’m always the only one talking about planning to meet) and he said he would tell me and never did, i had to remind him again and left me hurt) And then, 4 days ago i asked him “i know you are busy right now, but do you think you would have more time for me next year if i wait for you?” He was honest and said he didn’t know , cause even in summer he will probably be busy even if school ends. So i said to him, it’s better if we stop things now cause i want someone who will give efforts, make time for me. He said again sorry, that he did like me but he said most of the girls he dated said the same thing i told him : “i don’t know what you think or feel”. And he said he wish it didn’t end like this and he is sad about it. He said he will try to work on that in the future cause he see how much of a barrier it is for relationships. And said he was sorry cause he know he could not give me what i wanted right now. And 3 days ago we finally decided to end things. I know he was hurting me everyday, and made me feel anxious more than happy, but damn i like so much this man for so much qualities he have, the way he would not get mad at me when i communicated what I feel, the way he would be interested in what I was saying, and he was so smart and super funny, i love our connection even with the hurt. And now I’m asking myself: what if we could work on it together? What if I’m missing on a good relationship? He did tried to reply more fast since 1 week but, still forgot all our calls plans and I have to always remind him, and he still said he always busy… but I miss him so much and like sm about him… So my questions are : was i right to end this, or should’ve i wait for him and try to work on this with him, by sending him a message again, even if it take time and i can being hurt until he resolves his old issues and can finally give me time ? I feel sad, and guilty cause i could maybe still help him, and it could maybe work. And maybe we could have a good relationship in the future. I talked to him for 7 months, and even if i was hurt I’m scared i will miss on something by leaving him right now. I have no experiences in term of relationships so I’m lost, should i continue with him? Or let him go? (He maybe is emotionally unavailable?)