What's Normal with dating nowadays?

[RockinAroundthejoint]

Just curious. I'll come out of a23yec relationship so clueless.

Dating.
2 people start dating c then having sex. One or both individuation then start seeing some one else a and also having sex with theĝm.
Why is it now so prevalent? Different attitudes, fear of waking you

Er, just because it can happen, doesn't mean it's any more right now than it ever was. Unless they've put on a profile, just want casual dating.
If they claim long term or looking for a relationship and still do that, they lied to get a shag - a tale as old as the hills, so no change.
The trick is to spot the type before sex, now that's a minefield and I don't have the answer but you do your best by observation for longer before jumping in, or you can just hope for the best and maybe get lucky.

Thanks @Opentooffers . It's just I now hear many stories that so many people are playing the field freely before before they decide to commit to each other and have a conversion where they agree to be exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend. This is so very different to me and I'm not sure how common it is in real terms..

Hello.

I'm actually one of those playing the field - I became single last year, had some time off, back to it now, got a profile etc - got 14 matches - some of them write, a lot do not - I used to get emotionally invested, thinking 'oh he sounds nice' etc - but my work friends told me, meet them before investing - and then you're in a situation, like I am now, where three write and I ought to meet them all to see if any of them are right for me. Some disappeared, some liked other women better and said goodbye, some I unmatched with as didn't think worth meeting as can see they are nice but not for me - its a minefield and you need thick skin but its also excitant - high risk / high reward.

It's awkward and I posted a thread on how other people cope with it, and the advice was, less angst and more enjoyment.

Personally I’m not sleeping with anyone while they’re still on the apps or seeing other people. That’s me and I’m not judging anyone else who sees it differently.

I think it’s best to be clear from outset what your expectations are. Yes some people lie but they usually trip themselves up. In my experience, men who turn the chat sexual very quickly are usually the ones looking for a casual shag even if they say otherwise.

Ultimately it’s what you feel comfortable with but I’d rather be single than get involved in multi dating.

I think the advent of Tinder and other apps have made it easier to meet multiple people at once, so the issue comes up more now.

In the olden days (also known as the year 2000), you met someone in the pub, went out a couple of times, and then one of two things happened first, either you slept together, or introduced your girlfriend to your mates and that was that, you were exclusive.

Now, you're on Tinder, you've got 3 conversations on the go, and you arrange to meet up with all of them over a 2 week period. You really like Option 1, so arrange to meet up with them again. Option 2 turns out to be a disaster, so they're out of the equation, but you may as well just meet Option 3, just in case Option 1 ghosts you.

Option 3 turns out to be great too, the conversation was better with option 1 but by god option 3 is hot. You've got another date with Option 1, if that goes well then you'll show Option 3 the door. But then Option 3 asks if you fancy a drink tonight. You do, and you end up sleeping together. It's really good, but you think you still like Option 1 more.

But what if you drop Option 3 and then Option 1 turns out to be crap in bed, you've ruined what might be a good thing for something that might fizzle out. So you dangle Option 3 for a bit until you've slept with Option 1, and then you can make a decision. You were right about Option 1, he's definitely the one for you, so you let down Option 3 gently, but then Option 1 ghosts you and you're soundly back at square 1.

This is why conversations need to be so much more explicit now. Are you still on apps, are you dating with anyone else, sleeping with anyone else. And then you set your boundaries based on that.