I need help navigating Christmas with ex

[Thewildpink]

First Christmas separated and dreading it. The children are 3 and 7. Relationship ended due to infidelity on his part. Not amicable it’s been awful.

He hardly sees the children as he works out of the country and has a girlfriend on another continent. Will be in the uk over Christmas for a few weeks and I just don’t know how to navigate it. I want them to have a relationship with him but I hate how it’s all on his terms. He shows up and just expects us to drop all our plans to facilitate his schedule. Then he gives a vague week where he can have them and that’s as far as it goes. Nothing more going forward:

Advice welcome. I don’t want to cut off ones nose to spite ones face. What would you consider reasonable?

This doesn't sound pleasant at all and I understand why you wouldn't be looking forward to his visit and Christmas. What's reasonable is to arrange a mutually convenient period of time or times that you both agree to when he has the children. Overnight would be reasonable I think as long as he can suitably accommodate them. You don't want them to be crashing on sofas and suffering poor experiences and sleep. What's unreasonable is being left at his beck and call all Christmas with him expecting you to drop everything whenever he decides it's a good day for him. Create a plan and stick with it. Don't allow him to dictate terms and use excuses that he doesn't get to see them.

Thank you for your reply. I think what you are suggesting sounds reasonable: