Loss of my two closest friends

[itsgoodtobehome]

I have been in a friendship group with A & B for the best part of 30 years. We have been through all of life's milestones together - meeting partners, getting dumped, finding our DHs, hen parties, weddings, been each others bridesmaids, babies, godmothers etc etc. A & B knew each other before I knew them, but it's never been an issue, and I always respected that they had a friendship outside of our group. Likewise, I would do things separately with either one of them, depending on shared and common interests.

We all obviously have our own other friends outside of our friendship (we don't all live that near to each other any more) which is absolutely normal. However, in the last couple of years, B has integrated into a group of A's friends, and now it seems that they do everything together that we used to.

I'm so sad at seeing pictures of them all having weekends away together, nights out etc in exactly the way we used to. I don't get invited, and they don't make any effort to arrange anything with me. I just feel like I have been replaced in the friendship group by these other women.

To top it all, friend A had a 'big' birthday last year, and I wasn't invited. The realisation that I had not been included in one of our life milestones really upset me. I have spoken to her about it since, but she shrugged it off and said it was no big deal. She did apologise for upsetting me, but the friendship feels really one-sided, and she hasn't really made much effort since. I really think my friendship with A is over.

I'm on the fence with B, as I was included in her milestone birthday celebrations, and she is aware of how I feel about the A situation, but still continues to gush about this great new circle of friends (who are actually really A's friends that she has infiltrated).

I may not have explained this very well, and it probably sounds quite childish from someone who is old enough to know better. But the summary is that I feel that I have been ejected from our friendship group and replaced by a better offer.

Am I reasonable to feel like this? Should I fight for it? Or just let it go?

I would just stop making an effort with A and focus your energy on your other friends or on making new friends who treat you how you would like to be treating. It's wasted energy as she has sent you a clear message by excluding you. I would unfollow on social media as well. It sucks but sometimes a friendship has run its course and there is no easy way to end a friendship.

No, there's no fighting for it, they've dropped you for the most part. Chasing after them will just make it worse. It's upsetting and you must feel hurt, but let it go.

I think you need to focus on building other friendships and meeting new people.

Maybe keep in touch with B, but more loosely/casually and invest less. Maybe mute them both on social media, or certainly A.

Let them go, fade them out and concentrate on people who love you for you.

Honestly you will be glad you did! I had a friend of 30 years who I let go, don't miss her one bit now .. See her for what she is.

🙂

They know what they are doing and are also rubbing it in with their social media photos. It all sounds a bit Mean Girls.
There isn’t any saving it. When someone purposely excludes someone for a prolonged time, they wont suddenly change their minds. They have replaced you. One of my friends did the same. It’s horrible to be on the receiving end of.

Fuck them both and let them go

it will hurt to start with
but better with no contact than always feeling shit and left out

id unfollow both effective now
and kind of remove them from your line of sight and get on with things

dont text them , and delete the conversation

trust me you will feel better for it x

They're bitches.

Leave them to it, they ll find a new person to exclude in their group or hopefully turn on each other.

@RoyalMailAreShit yes that's exactly it. I have even referred to them as Mean Girls when I have described to DH how I feel. I never thought this behaviour would happen at our ages!!

I have heard about this increasingly. I think there is a term for it. It’s understable that it hurts but try to forge other more meaningful relationships. These types of people are not genuine, would you really want to be in the mean girls gang?

"still continues to gush about this great new circle of friends (who are actually really A's friends that she has infiltrated)."

Well... that's ususlaly how friends are made. You "infiltrate" other groups. I think the three of you sound like school girls at the playground, really.

The bottom line is they are extremely shallow.

Let them go, they don’t deserve your depth of loyalty and care.

Don’t give up hope, there are lots of good genuine people out there, you just need to find one or two special ones, and you will.