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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unsure about what to do

6 replies

Heathermerryweather · 06/12/2023 16:19

I've never done anything like this before writing on a forum but I just am at the end of my tether and I'm bit sure what to do

I've been in a relationship for 5 plus years with someone and when we decided to get engaged it all went sour

when asked to choose the ring I wanted I have to be honest it wasn't expensive by any means but to me it was beautiful he decided he wanted to get it engraved before he proposed and hid it in his car for safe keeping as we were going to take a long drive to the coast that weekend

His sister had overheard us one the phone talking about getting engaged and blurted it out to his mum who when he came downstairs later said so your sister tells me your getting engaged please tell me you haven't got her pregnant (which when I was told this made me feel awful)

a couple of days before hand he had showed his younger sister she was 25 at the time and mother the ring he described how his younger sister playfully kept pretending to steal it and put it on her own finger which when I heard that set alarm bells ringing the next night his younger sister forgot to padlock the gate and her bike was stolen along with the ring the cars back door was found open in the morning she had asked a couple of days beforehand where he was keeping it and he told her
Police gave a crime ref and dusted for prints but nothing came of it.His suspicion has always been towards his younger sister as money,dvds,cigarettes and food.had gone missing from his bedroom in the past
fast forward 3 years later after a bust up with her drug dealing boyfriend that side of the family mum dad and sister decided to pack up and move over 100 miles away we were invited to a goodbye brunch at a restuarant at the end of the brunch when everyone was saying there goodbyes his mum takes him to one side and places a ring into his hand it was a god awful looking thing and he came back to the car and said mum wants you to have this as she was clearing things out and thought you would like it is this his mum finally after years of denial finally admitting her daughter stole the engagement ring??

There is however another possible answer as there are always two sides to every story and as he has been caught out by myself lying before is this another whopper ??

OP posts:
category12 · 06/12/2023 16:53

Well, it might just mean she suspected her dd of stealing it and thought either way this other ring would make up for it a bit.

There's no real way of knowing, is there? It's not conclusive.

She might just have thought you missed out on a ring, so it'd be nice to pass this one on.

You also suspect your partner did something with the ring (sold it? lost it? gave it away?)

Did you ever get another ring? Did you ever get married/are you planning a wedding?

ChateauDuMont · 06/12/2023 17:32

Your partner allowed his younger sister who had previous form for bad behaviour to try on a ring he was planning to propose with?

That's horrible and even if the ring hadn't been stolen I would have been annoyed it had been tried on by his sister before being given to me.

Doesn't sound like him or his family have boundaries or respect for others.

category12 · 06/12/2023 18:17

ChateauDuMont · 06/12/2023 17:32

Your partner allowed his younger sister who had previous form for bad behaviour to try on a ring he was planning to propose with?

That's horrible and even if the ring hadn't been stolen I would have been annoyed it had been tried on by his sister before being given to me.

Doesn't sound like him or his family have boundaries or respect for others.

That's a bit OTT, isn't it? It's not like it's OP's knickers. It's likely been tried on by other people before the bf bought it. If it were an antique, someone might have died with it on. Why's it such a terrible thing for someone else to try it on?

GreyCarpet · 06/12/2023 18:56

category12 · 06/12/2023 18:17

That's a bit OTT, isn't it? It's not like it's OP's knickers. It's likely been tried on by other people before the bf bought it. If it were an antique, someone might have died with it on. Why's it such a terrible thing for someone else to try it on?

Really?

If someone bought a ring for me, I wouldn't care if it had been previously owned or even tried on with an intention to possibly buy by anyone else but the context the OP describes is disrespectful. I wouldn't like it either.

Once he had bought it with the intention of proposing, the only woman to wear it should have been his proposed bride to be.

Burntouted · 06/12/2023 19:38

Don't marry him. End things.

Don't marry into that family, and continue to be with that type of person.

Angeldust99 · 30/06/2024 18:27

Run away. Remove yourself from this situation and never look back

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