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Original poster

Divorce finalised today

11 replies

Snowy86 · 06/12/2023 15:52

Separated over two years. Absolutely the right decision and we are very amicable. Finalised today and haven’t stopped crying. Feels like grief. We have both moved on and have new partners. Had a call together earlier and joked about it being over but feel so sad. Anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
clearspilt · 06/12/2023 15:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

barbarahunter · 06/12/2023 15:53

Actually no I didn't feel like that, but my ex was a jerk.

Tara336 · 06/12/2023 15:57

I didn't actually know I had my decree absolute until a couple weeks after it happened (can't remember why). I just felt relief to be honest as EXH had made my life hell through the divorce and although we were on good terms that quickly ended when inhad to ask him to stop phoning and texting me as he was getting quite nasty. We were ok again for a while but now have no contact at all as quite frankly he's a bit of a dick

EggNoggin · 06/12/2023 16:03

My experience was very weird. Six weeks and one day after my decree nisi, I trotted off to the court to (as I thought) apply for the absolute.

They were late opening, then I handed over my documents and waited and waited and waited. I wondered what on earth was going on the woman was taking so long.

Eventually she came back, handed me an envelope, congratulated me on my divorce and said my ex husband would be getting a copy of the absolute through the post!

I stood there, a bit stupified, and said, So, that's it then, I'm divorced?" (I was expecting to hand over the documents and be told they'd post it out to me!)

I celebrated with a book binge in Waterstones! 😀

Original poster
Snowy86 · 06/12/2023 16:27

@EggNoggin I felt a bit of this today! An email felt like such an anti-climax! Like, is that it??
I’ve started processing it a bit now. Think my sadness relates to feeling like I’ve failed at marriage. But I haven’t, we had good times and two amazing kids. The bad outweighed the good in the end. It’s all a process I guess. Thanks to those who’ve replied so far xx

OP posts:
Shesheadingonin · 06/12/2023 16:31

@EggNoggin i felt incredibly sad too after 2 years separation following a 15 year marriage, even though it had to happen and I petitioned it. Thought it was for life. It shocked me how sad I felt but it passed quickly.

Popetthetreehugger · 06/12/2023 16:43

I am think its mourning for the life you sign d up for . I cried for the 18 yr old who looked at a beautiful man , fell in love and had 3 children with him . Not the stranger I divorced 10 years later . It will pass , be kind to yourself.

Flyingfoxgirl · 06/12/2023 16:50

Mine isn't final but here (not in the UK) it's done in stages. All our marital possessions were divided up and we had to sign those contracts - the rest will happen in a few weeks (apparently) but even just that one thing caused me an entire weekend of sobbing, guilt tripping and questioning myself " if I'm feeling like this then is it because the actually isn't what I want?" (Spoiler it is ! We've been separated 18 months and it was at my instigation) . I was in such a state my Dad had to come over after a sleepless night - he had to see me and hear me say again "yes, this is what I want !" . Google divorce guilt and grief- it helped me feel a bit more normal and reassured that it is common to feel like this even if a divorce is absolutely what you want and very much the right decision.
As you say it's grief. When you have an pet put to sleep because age or illness has made impossible for a decent quality of life (for you or the pet) although you know it's for the best you still grieve its death because that pet was once young and healthy and you had some great times with it and lovely memories.

Flyingfoxgirl · 06/12/2023 16:54

Just to add that I also think it's harder if you get on and he hasn't been a dick over the divorce

Original poster
Snowy86 · 06/12/2023 17:47

Thanks everyone! He absolutely hasn’t been a dick at all. Mutual decision, helped me move house, calls for a chat.
I was also 18 @Popetthetreehugger and we were together a really long time. @Shesheadingonin I already feel better this evening surprisingly. Perhaps a weight off my shoulders too x

OP posts:
Tonto37 · 06/12/2023 20:07

Snowy86 · 06/12/2023 16:27

@EggNoggin I felt a bit of this today! An email felt like such an anti-climax! Like, is that it??
I’ve started processing it a bit now. Think my sadness relates to feeling like I’ve failed at marriage. But I haven’t, we had good times and two amazing kids. The bad outweighed the good in the end. It’s all a process I guess. Thanks to those who’ve replied so far xx

At least you were able to move on and have a brighter future. You were obviously unhappy with him. Many people haven't been able to move on for various reasons and are stuck with people they don't want to be with. You have avoided this scenario so fairplay and we'll done, you should be proud.

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