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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

TW- Brother been referred to Prevent ( and arrested).

31 replies

BadBro · 06/12/2023 13:58

I have put trigger warning due to sensitivity of the subject involving hate speech, and obviously name changed. To summarise a long and sad story, my brother was sectioned nearly 18 months ago and is in a mental health rehab facility. About 2 weeks ago I stumbled on some viciously anti semitic tweets he’d posted in the wake of the Israel Palestine conflict. I rang him to express my concerns and try and inject some sense and reflect the gross unfairness of what he’d written, but it was obvious it wasn’t going to have any impact. A week later I was called by the police asking for his whereabouts, which I gave them. Now he’s been arrested and he’s at a police station. He’s not going to cope well obviously. I’m torn between concern for him and just utter disgust at his behaviour. The best I can hope for is Prevent has some effect. I know he enjoys the attention and power he gets from tweeting, experiences which are sadly lacking from his real life. At the same time I’m tired of his behaviour, and frankly of him. Don’t know what anyone can say but I’m venting.

OP posts:
200Z · 06/12/2023 14:09

Take a step back OP I know it’s hard but he’s in the best hands and the professionals will deal and support him accordingly.

Unfortunately what your brother does is beyond your control and there isn’t a lot you can do to control his behaviour.

Pinkbonbon · 06/12/2023 14:12

Oh dear, what a stressful time op. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Do you think it's the tweet that they arrested him for?

Has he been in the facility for all these 18 months? Could they perhaps take away his access to Internet.

I can't see how anyone in a mental health facility benefits from access to social media tbh.

Have they given him any kind of evaluation as to his mood/mental/personality disorder?

Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 14:46

Thank you both. I was told it was the tweets that caused the arrest. It’s true I can’t control his behaviour but having lived nearly all my life with my only sibling being odd/ depressed/ embarrassing etc you develop a kind of trigger response to every crisis, and since mum died when we were in our 20s and then dad wasn’t a brilliant coper I’ve got into the role of rescuer. The rehab centre are somewhat cagey about diagnoses but have told me they believe he is on the autistic spectrum ,but that is not his only psychiatric problem although they didn’t elaborate.
I think it’s true I need to think about my self protection/ distancing. What’s sad is he has a ( telephone) relationship with DS who sometimes telephones him as he’s studying a subject brother knows a lot about it . DH does not want these calls to continue.

OP posts:
200Z · 06/12/2023 14:50

I don’t blame your husband tbh, especially if the calls are not monitored he could push his views onto your son and get him into trouble at school at the very least.

I would deffo take a step back I know it’s not easy but there is only so much you can do and you have your own family and well being to look out for.

Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 14:53

Thanks 200Z. To cap it all I’ve got covid. I’m effectively his only relative , no one else in the family lives nearby/ makes the effort. If I hadn’t intervened
last year and got him sectioned he could have died such was his self neglect. But I am getting to the end of my willingness and ability to help.

OP posts:
QueenBitch666 · 06/12/2023 14:53

I'm with your husband. Take a step back. I wouldn't want him spreading his poison to your child

200Z · 06/12/2023 14:54

@BadBro honestly no one can blame you it’s not your role, your role is to your own family he’s in the best place

rest up and keep a distance and try and discourage your son from contacting him.

Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 14:58

Thanks it’s good to get other people’s views. Haven’t told the children (DSs, 16 and 20) about all this. Will have to at some point but I think I’ll wait and see how things play out with the police and any caution/ charge/intervention he gets before I say anything. Spoke to my best friend who is extremely level headed and obviously knows my family, that was very helpful too.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 06/12/2023 15:27

You really need to step away. You're not responsible for your brothers actions.
I agree with your DH, telephone contact with your son should cease.
There are no guarantees your DB won't infect your DSs thoughts x

Fassbender2020 · 06/12/2023 15:31

I hope you're alright but please don't refer to autism as a psychiatric problem, that's deeply offensive

Supersimkin2 · 06/12/2023 15:32

Don’t expect change and keep
your well-being intact.

Notwithstanding, be as nice as you can - a Xmas card and some lynx won’t hurt.

Where did he learn to be a Jew Hater? Very odd type of rehab.

Rouleur · 06/12/2023 15:34

Pinkbonbon · 06/12/2023 14:12

Oh dear, what a stressful time op. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Do you think it's the tweet that they arrested him for?

Has he been in the facility for all these 18 months? Could they perhaps take away his access to Internet.

I can't see how anyone in a mental health facility benefits from access to social media tbh.

Have they given him any kind of evaluation as to his mood/mental/personality disorder?

It's a hospital not a prison ffs. Patients in hospital are allowed to use the internet and phones. If he's committed a criminal offence using the internet then a caught may order his access to the internet is restricted, but it's not up to hospital staff to do this.

Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 15:44

@Supersimkin2 the rehab facility obviously has nothing to do with with his anti semitism. He’s been into conspiracy theories for a long time, of the “ the BBC is a government mouthpiece I prefer Russia Today” variety. It seems to have developed into something darker lately.

OP posts:
Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 15:49

Fair point @Fassbender2020 autism is not in itself a psychiatric disorder. It is the only diagnosis he has been given at the facility ( that I know of).

OP posts:
Angrycat2768 · 06/12/2023 15:59

I would be very careful of him speaking to your DS if he has been referred to Prevent. Schools, colleges and Universities have a duty to refer students who they fear are being radicalised, so contact with someone who has been referred to Prevent, or your DS writing something in an essay or something could lead to them being flagged themselves.

Fassbender2020 · 06/12/2023 16:05

BadBro · 06/12/2023 15:49

Fair point @Fassbender2020 autism is not in itself a psychiatric disorder. It is the only diagnosis he has been given at the facility ( that I know of).

Yes, it's not a psychiatric disorder at all so there must be some sort of illness he has that keeps him in a mental health facility. I wish you luck, it doesn't sound like an enviable situation

Devonshiregal · 06/12/2023 16:26

So tough for you! so sorry to hear all this.

You say you’re disgusted by his behaviour/comments which of course are awful, but I’d bare in mind the guy almost killed himself through self-neglect and had to be sectioned - this is not someone who is rational and competent tweeting hideous stuff. This is a mentally unwell man tweeting nonsense. So I’d just remove the disgust/embarrassment thing from your mind for your own sake.

you need to protect yourself first and your husband is well within his rights to not want your son to be contacting your brother. From personal experience I how hard it must be but you have to put up somewhat of a shield to this.

he’s your brother, it’s ok to love him. It’s ok to hate him/his mental illness. It’s ok to want to be there and not want to be there.

maybe see if your husband has any ideas of how you could be involved but not be dragged down all the time. He might have some more insight than you do as to what’s in your best interests.

Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 17:03

Thanks @Devonshiregal . DH came home and we managed to have a laugh about it. He’s such an unlikely character to be in prison it made us think of the film “Get Hard” and the laugh was a relief. Although I don’t think he’ll actually go to prison ( hope not anyway).

OP posts:
FatFatMary · 06/12/2023 17:06

Wow that’s crazy getting arrested over something you said online

FatFatMary · 06/12/2023 17:15

Did you see the tweets ?

Original poster
BadBro · 06/12/2023 17:19

Yes, pretty nasty. I obviously won’t be repeating them here.

OP posts:
SquirrelBlue · 06/12/2023 17:20

If he's in a mental health rehab, I'm surprised he was even arrested. I've worked in those facilities before and we've had police turn up to ask about things patients have posted. No one has been arrested yet though.
It doesn't mean you take away people's access to the internet. How archaic. It means that you work with them to support them to prevent this stuff happening again. He's in a rehabilitation place - that's to help you to adjust to living back in the community. Taking away the internet (besides being massively and unnecessarily restrictive) would also be really unhelpful when helping people to learn how to live in the community.
Unfortunately sometimes there are blips along the way. This is a blip. Services are in place and the professionals are doing their job.

Look after yourself BadBro. Don't try to argue it out with him, it's only going to cause you more stress. If DS wants to continue with the calls, it might be worth talking with him about what's happened and discuss how you want to handle it. I think it would be a shame to blanket ban those calls if they're positive for DS and your brother and hopefully keeping the communication open with DS about it should reduce the risk for him. You could always ensure the calls are on speaker so you can hear too if you're worried, or arrange for DS to be in the same room as one of you during the call to monitor it a bit. Even if you're not paying attention to the call, you might be able to pick up concerns from DS's responses.

LaBorde · 06/12/2023 17:24

So one post says the rehab centre have told you they believe he is on the autistic spectrum.

Then another post says it the only diagnosis he has been given.

Which is it, as there’s a big difference.

feralunderclass · 06/12/2023 17:28

If he's white British it's quite unlikely anything will happen. Even more so if he has a poor MH history.

feralunderclass · 06/12/2023 17:28

And hugs to you OP, it sounds as if you gave a lot going on 💐