The ways my ex made me feel less than. Eroded my confidence and inflicted so much emotional pain on me. On the flip side he was financially generous and could charm everybody. I would constantly tell myself he isn’t that bad he supports us and isn’t violent. Now I look back and wonder why I was so dismissive. I realise I was scared of losing the lifestyle we had. But I was miserable, I was a wreck. I thought nobody would ever want me I was unlovable.
It’s been a year now and I’ve been branded as abusive and narcissistic. I’ve been pushed to the brink of knowing if I could take anymore. But here I am and I am healing, slowly.
I will never understand how anyone can treat a person so disrespectfully. I never thought I would be the victim of abuse. I thought this was normal. I thought I didn’t deserve any better.
Cheating - made me feel like I was not enough. I was not pretty enough, I was not exciting enough. I was somehow lacking so you had to go elsewhere.
looking up escorts - denying you used them but I think it’s very apparent now that is not true. I even saw a time and arrangement for a city you was in but you made out I was crazy and it was a scam email.
Messaging other women inappropriately - then minimising my feelings towards it and gaslighting. You would rather hurt me than understand that the behaviour was wrong and harmful especially to a women breastfeeding with a baby and toddler. All those emotions, everything you go through in pregnancy. Then wondered why I might act distant towards you after you once again made me feel not enough.
Pregnancy - completely unsupported you was away for 8 months of both pregnancies. I felt alone and scared. I struggled horrifically with vomiting and I actually have no idea how I got through it on top of looking after the baby.
Mental health - you made me feel less than, deficient, like I was weak for struggling. The truth is everyone struggles with mental health at times.
Motherhood - you would constantly try to fix things invalidating what I was feeling rather than giving the validation and acceptance that actually it’s really tough and everyone feels like this. You left me to do all the parenting while you would be working, having dinner, drinks, staying in hotels. You was never here when I needed you even when I begged and was so ill I was almost hospitalised.
Workaholic - you worked and worked and worked all you could see was the ££
Lying about where you were and what you were doing - huge amounts of gaslighting including lying you was in a hotel when I could see you on social media drinking in a bar.