Don't know what to do

[Volbeat]

Ok this is gonna be long but I need to get my thoughts out.

I've known a guy for 20 plus years, we were friends as teens. We went our separate ways from that point as life took us on very different paths. He got back in touch with me in 2019 (I'm now separated, have children etc) and he is single and has been the whole time AFAIK.

We've met up a few times since his initial contact and have stayed in fairly regular contact since. After my break up to my childrens dad, I kind of shut everyone out for a while whilst I was processing everything and healing. Me and this guy remained in touch but our contact dwindled to less just because I needed space to sort my head.

This year we met up again, but only cos I knew he was down my way (he lives miles and miles away). Since then, we've been in frequent contact and we speak on the phone a few times a month for hours at a time.

I think I'm developing feelings for him. I'm reluctant to tell him as I'm unsure if my feelings are genuine. He lives ages away like I said and I have kids and commitments so its silly to think anything ever would happen between us. Just not sure what to do and feel like I need to get rid of these feelings but I'm definitely not risking losing him as a friend, he has been there for me with various things a lot and I value his friendship greatly.

Not sure what the point of this post it. I care deeply for him, he occupies my thoughts a lot. I can see things and think oh, he would like that or he would find this funny. We are both so very entrenched in our own lives and the distance is vast, so I cant see anything more than friendship between us realistically but I do find my feelings intensifying.

He hasn't made a move so I don't think he feels the same way about you.

He isn't the type that would make a move generally. He is very shy. However, I need to get rid of these feelings regardless. Just dont know how to go about it.

I'm unsure if my feelings are genuine

You don't know what to do? Do nothing, if you're not sure how you feel. Why do you feel you need to do anything?

I need to get rid of these feelings

What do you think the purpose of feelings is? Do you think they're just a pesky irritation, unless they fit into what your brain says you 'should' do?

Have you given off any kind of 'I'm not wanting a relationship' vibe in the past that he may have picked up on?

You say that you're in contact more frequently now so maybe the conversations will be a bit more telling.

Would you invite him to stay at yours for a weekend on a friendly term?
You could bob along with the friendship for a while and see how things pan out or grab the bull by the horns and ask him outright how he feels.

The conversations are like what we would usually have. He remembers really obscure things I've said ages ago and reminds me of them from time to time, silly stuff really. Makes me feel a bit mushy inside that he would remember them if that makes sense.

Yes, when he visited me a couple of months ago we chatting about relationships etc and I outright said I couldn't be bothered with one and I'm happy on my own, which was true at the time. Its only recently I've started to develop feelings but I dont know if it's just friend based or because I want more. We live very different lives though, so it would be hard to get anything off the ground and I wouldn't want to broach feelings without being certain myself. He has had a lot of close bereavements recently so I really don't want to put any stress on his plate. I have been there for him as a friend though, through phone calls and general checking in etc.