Confused?

[pespitwo]

Hi all posting for other opinons as family and friends don't get it.
April last year I started a relationship with a wonderful man who lives an 1 and 30 minutes away we've always been rocky and split then back together etc.
we go weeks without seeing each other sometimes due to conflicting plans and 4 children being involved 3 mine 1 his.
I am now at the stage of wanting abit more than 2 days every few weeks and he said great every weekend but I want more... I would like another child as I am still young enough he is dead set no more.
I just feel like the amount we see each other and wanting different things can it work 😭
Anyone been in similar situations xx

Why do you want more when we've always been rocky and split then back together etc. ?

Without sounding like a silly teen I do really love him @keye x

Why? The relationship sounds horrible

Why would you even consider bringing a child into the world based on a relationship that is rocky and on/off and you only see each other when it suits?

The relationship sounds rubbish and is going nowhere. And you have four children between you, enough now.

Theres got to be more to life than this for you.

This isn’t good enough for you or anyone.

Rocky relationship
seeing each other a few times a month
Him not wanting kids

there’s got to be more for you. Have hope and leave

You are a single mother of 3.
And want another?
With an on-off guy who is totally uncommitted?

What's the famous MN saying?
Ah. I've remembered...

Give your head a wobble!!

Family don’t get it?
or family don’t agree with you and think you’re being daft wanting another child when you already have 3 and the relationship sounds flaky?

How exactly do you imagine this panning out?

You have three children already. You want another but he definitely doesn't and has been clear about this

You and he live an hour and a half apart amd see each other for a couple of days every few weeks.

You describe this, frankly, non relationship as 'rocky'.

I don't even know where to begin tbh. I'll start with, I think you should be listening to your family and grow up a bit.

I have also 'dated' men who lived a similar distance from me and saw for a couple of days every few weeks. It was largely because I had no intention of having a proper relationship with any of them and it was just a bit of a fun escape for a couple of days now and again without any sort of commitment.

I wouldn't have bothered if they had been 'rocky' and I certainly wasn't thinking about children. I also know I dont want any more and nothing could have changed mind.

I thinkyou need to look at this from a clearer perspective than "but I love him!" And listen to what he is telling you.

I don't understand what there is to be confused about. He's been clear he doesn't want more children. Mind you I'm confused as to why you want to progress a rocky relationship.

You need to face up to what rocky really means. My guess is he disappears when you ask for more and then comes back and you're grateful "because I love him". Is it the challenge of getting him to change so that proves you're worth it?

What do you love about him? What does he do for you? What's good about this (other than sex)?

Time for some soul searching.

It sounds to me like you're romanticizing the hardship, like you want to prove that love conquers all and you want the validation of being chosen despite the odds. Statements like "but I love him!" and "my friends and family don't get it" is par for the course with that type of mindset.

Which would be one thing if it were just you, but you have three little ones to consider. They deserve stability in their lives. If you're going to introduce a partner into their world, it needs to be someone who's safe, consistent, and reliable. Don't subject them to the turbulence of whatever this is because you feel your feelings for him trump reason.

There really isn't much to be confused about. Read your thread back and imagine it was written by a close friend. What would you advise her to do?

@yellowsmileyface you've said just what I meant. And I know what I'm talking about because I used to do the same. All ended in tears - mine.

He's got three kids already! It's not surprising he doesn't want any more. Three is enough.

Apologies I misread...it's you with three already.
Ok...I have three too, and while we're all different, I don't want more. Can't imagine wanting to have FIVE between us. It's a LOT.

@pespitwo

posting for other opinons as family and friends don't get it.

OP I suspect that your family do "get it" and see this on/off relationship with clearer eyes than you do. Sounds like the opinions on this thread are also being far more realistic than you want to be and, very probably, echoing what you've already been told by the people in real life who've given you good advice you don't want to hear. 🌹

Rocky ,split etc yet you want a child ?

I don't wanna sound judgy but 4 kids between you is enough no? You can't force someone a situation to work and you aren't on the same page

Pretty much what everyone else has said. Not going to judge you wanting another kid as long as you can afford it and give the child the stability they need. I don’t know what your financial situation is but you certainly can’t provide the stability in this teen wreck of a relationship.
Above all else HE DOESN’T WANT ANYMORE KIDS. It’s that simple. If you do then either go to a clinic and get a donor, or find someone who does want kids (and 3 step kids). Forcing or tricking someone into having a kid never works, so this relationship is dead if you aren’t prepared to give up on having another. But the kid is the main issue, everything else sounds broken anyway. It’s a no-strings, low commitment thing you’ve got going. Don’t confuse this with a close, intimate bond just because you’ve wasted so much time on it.

He said he’ll see you every weekend.
Why not try that first? You’ll find out if you have solid relationship that way.

If you are certain you want more children, he’s not the man for you, and you need to move on.