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Relationships

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Original poster

Love bombed then ghosted

15 replies

Kittycat90 · 05/12/2023 16:12

Hi all

I [33F] have managed to get myself into a very messy situation. I recently ended a relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years and we lived together. He did not want to get married, buy a house and have children and I couldn’t see myself being happy with this so ended things about 6 weeks ago.

However to make things more complicated I had developed strong feelings for a male friend that I know about 2 years. I was hugely attracted to him and we had such a strong connection but he was also in a relationship. Nothing physical ever happened between us while in our relationships but there was a lot of flirting and it was probably the start of an emotional affair that I feel very guilty about.

He ended his relationship a few weeks before mine and was away. When he came back I told him my relationship was over and we met each other that day. What happened next was an outpouring of love from his side basically telling me he has always loved me wants a future with me etc. The logic part of my brain was telling me it was too much too soon but I felt so strongly for him I was happy to go at this fast pace. Over the next few weeks we spent time together every day, he would send texts and we started sleeping together.

After a week though I felt a change in his energy. He didn’t look at me the same and wasn’t texting as much although we still met up. A few days ago he told me his ex still thinks they are on a break instead of over as he said he couldn’t totally finish with her as her mental health is fragile. He now said he needs to sort out that situation and we need to slow things down as we moved too fast.

I am absolutely heartbroken that he came on so strong, told me I was his soulmate and would marry me and has now taken that all away. I am struggling to eat and sleep and my anxiety has gone through the roof. Part of me feels I deserve this and it’s karma for leaving my boyfriend but I am struggling to cope. I am hurt and broken and also feel I have lost a friend. Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

pictoosh · 05/12/2023 16:17

Aw he's having an affair with you. He knows you are into him and he took advantage. He hasn't finished with his girlfriend at all.
What a liar and a lead-on.

Epidote · 05/12/2023 16:20

You have been taking for a fool, no love bombed and ghosted. Re gain control of your life ditching him.

Watchkeys · 05/12/2023 16:23

You're not in a messy situation. You had a fling and it's over, because he wasn't respectful.

Stop dramatising. It's going to hurt for a while, and then you'll start to feel better. Be nice to yourself, allow yourself to indulge in what you want to for a little while; a break, Netflix, Minstrels, etc, and wait. Things will improve.

pictoosh · 05/12/2023 16:26

Agree that you're not in a 'messy' situation...it's perfectly clear. It's only going to be messy if you insist on hanging on in there hoping for a different outcome...which would be very silly and only messy for you.

Aprilx · 05/12/2023 16:30

Also agree that this is not a particularly messy situation. It is pretty straight forward, you entered a new relationship, it didn’t work out, he ended it. It happens to most of us, be good to yourself, keep busy, it will pass.

ChanelNo19EDT · 05/12/2023 16:33

Oh what a shabby article he is.

SamW98 · 05/12/2023 16:34

It’s not messy and it’s not karma. Basically an attached bloke who knew you had a thing for him told you lies to get you into bed, you had a bit of fun together and that’s all it was.

He was a twat but put it down to experience, block him, take time to get your head straight and move on.

PaminaMozart · 05/12/2023 16:40

Part of me feels I deserve this and it’s karma for leaving my boyfriend

The two are only connected in the sense that your feelings for the other man provided the impetus to leave an unsatisfactory relationship.

CheekyHobson · 05/12/2023 16:42

He's an impulsive and manipulative jerk.

Don't hurt yourself further by waiting around to see if his relationship ends and he follows through on his grandiose declarations, because that won't happen unless she becomes thoroughly fed up with him and dumps him herself, or he wears her down to such a shell of herself that she has nothing left to give.

It's no surprise her mental health is fragile, I'm sure he's contributed to that.

You can already see it's love-bombing, and it's such a massive red flag that you shouldn't ignore it.

Ofcourseshecan · 05/12/2023 16:45

Part of me feels I deserve this and it’s karma for leaving my boyfriend

No, OP. You were right to leave your bf because you wanted to move to the next stage and he didn’t. Better to end it now than when you’re too late to have children.

I’m sorry you were then lovebombed and dumped by this other man. He was a user, not a friend. So again, better to find that out now.

Two bullets dodged, and you are free now to find someone better. Best of luck.

MrsMerryMistletoe · 05/12/2023 16:49

He knew he was on a break and he has lied to you - what a prick!

Timeout22 · 05/12/2023 16:54

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sure it felt lovely and exciting and that's horrible but be grateful it didn't drag on. Don't let him fool you again and try come back when he gets lonely or his girlfriend leaves him. It's probably for the best as after ending a long term relationship some space before another person would do you some good x

Starryskies1 · 05/12/2023 17:00

It sounds like he led you on and you fell for it. He kept his options open with his gf. You ended your relationship and he did not. Obviously the grass isn’t always greener. You have had a lucky escape. Consider what you do need and think of yourself moving forward.

Seaoftroubles · 05/12/2023 17:39

OP its not karma, you did the right thing ending things with your ex as you wanted different things.This 'old friend' took advantage of you and love bombed you whilst keeping his girlfriend on the back burner. He has behaved shamelessly towards you and his girlfriend and you know now he is no friend! Honestly you have dodged a bullet here but you are well rid of this user.

Burntouted · 05/12/2023 23:45

"Nothing physical ever happened between us while in our relationships but there was a lot of flirting and it was probably the start of an emotional affair"

Your poor boyfriend. His poor girlfriend.
You are not innocent.

Soo...both of you were cheating and behaving inappropriately while in relationships...

Then you drop your boyfriend, then despite your intuition and logical mind screaming at you that this wasn't a good idea, you ignored it and proceeded with this guy.

This alleged single guy at the time, perhaps liked you(or used you) entertained a short fling with you, decided it wasn't working out, and ended things.

Respectfully, you're not in a messy situation...It can get messy if you refuse to accept its over, are holding on to hope and optimism. If you're still involved with him and communicating with him, it is best to end things permanently with him.

We live, we learn.
Use this as a learning lesson.

Don't cheat nor behave inappropriate next relationship...leave as soon as you realize it's not working out..

Please don't get back or seek out your ex boyfriend now.

Also, trust your intuition.

Perhaps therapy would be beneficial for you.

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