For a long successful relationship , is a dull mid life period normal?

[Superdupersquirrel]

A question for all those who have been with a partner for a long time - what would you say are reasonable expectations of what marriage!relationships look like after 20+ years.

DH says that things being fine is enough and it’s normal that things can get boring for a while. Essentially conversation isn’t always that easy, sex is fine but he doesn’t seem particularly excited by me anymore, he’s not particularly into doing any new activities/interests etc.

my DD is now away at college so most of the time is just us and the dog. So nothing is terrible but it’s dull. I’m ashamed to say I miss the affection, laughter, just feels very routine and I’ve tried to bring this up tactfully of course but we don’t see it the same way. He believes it’s just a natural ebb and flow and it will sort itself out. I am happy enough but also at that point in life where you wonder if this is it? Life seems to be going by fast but I’m aware that comparison or the greener grass on the other side is also real.

so I’d just love to know what your normal ups and downs look like.

I think that sounds good. I think sometimes feelings like this can come from not looking after yourself.

Make up 2 lists, 10 things you like doing that make you feel good instantly and 10 things you feel good when they are done (like going for a walk, painting, cleaning out a wardrobe etc.) and aim to do one thing off each list every day.

I was so busy with children and work a few years ago, I couldn’t even think of 10 things. I had forgotten what I actually liked.

Look after yourself and be happy and he is either in or out, but at least you will be happy!

All the best.

20+ years here though we are in our 30s as have been together since teenagers. We are both pretty introverted homebody types so do a lot together. Our kids are tweens and we get more time together than we did 5-10 years ago but often both say we want more. We have a lot of the same interests and are best friends as well as a couple so I think all that helps. We do argue sometimes but they tend to be isolated occasions rather than rough patches if you see what I mean.