Scared to date

[3sausagedogs]

I have a date tonight and I’m scared. It’s been a month since my ex brutally cut me off for no reason and I still find times when I feel sad about what happened. I joined a dating app and I have a date tonight. He seems nice etc but I’m scared that going on a date will just make me miss my ex more. Does this sound crazy? I need to move on, my ex is blocked etc but I’m scared this will set me back. Anyone else experienced this??

I would say if you are still giving your ex so much headspace then you’re probably not ready to date right now.

Its only been a month - I would advise taking a bit of time out to be at peace with yourself first.

He really didn’t have a reason
i don’t want to go into it again but he went from one extreme to the next without warning

How long were you with your ex?
Was this a long relationship that ended very abruptly with no explanation? Because in that case I think it's way too soon for you to be dating anyone else. You haven't gotten over this loss yet.
Or was this a brief thing, nothing serious, but you have a habit of holding on to the past and not letting things go? in that case i'd also suggest you don't start dating now and work on yourself first.

We met in Feb and became a thing about April. We saw each other loads and met kids etc and he asked me to move in with him. 4 days later he goes missing. He refused to tell me what happened just that he didn’t want me anymore.
I feel like it would be nice to meet someone who was actually nice, as the last one wasn’t and I’m not gonna do that sat on my arse every evening watch Married At First Sight so I’ve joined an app

Hey OP, I went back on apps after a bad break up. Met someone EXCEPTIONAL and I'm super happy. So please go for it: I wasn't scared I was excited but realistic that it might not work. Good luck!

He really didn’t have a reason. I can almost guarantee he did have a reason he just did not want to tell you.

but good for you for getting back out there. Enjoy the date and see how it goes, just take it easy for a while.

I was in a similar situation to you. Broke up with my ex, absolutely heartbroken but decided to get on the apps about a month later when I was feeling slightly better thinking it would help me move on.

Honestly, it put my back to square one. Had a date with a guy which was just a bit disappointing - he was nice enough but I wasn't attracted to him and it just made me miss my ex even more. Went home, cried, and deleted the apps.

I think I'm just going to compare everyone I meet to my ex at the moment and it's just going to make me feel worse about not having him. I'm going to give it another couple of months before trying again.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do with your date.

Yes
i split with my ex and dated someone else
i wasn’t actually that into him but he filled the void
then he dumped me !
I was upset obvs
then when my ex before (that i did like but messed my head ) resurfaced I went back to him
then he dumped me !

and now im not dating for a while

see how you get on
but a pause for healing does not harm anyone

I agree, it is a bit soon. However, as you have made the date it would not be fair to stand the guy up at short notice. I expect you are out with him now.

Whatever you do, don't talk about your ex too much to anyone you date.

I am really sorry things didn't work out for you and wish you all the best for the future.

Hope you date goes well. I often use online dating as something to keep my mind busy and to move on from the last relationship. Don’t over think it, it’s a date, just enjoy the persons company, it doesn’t have to lead to anything. You never know you might make a new friend if not a future partner? I met my best friend through online dating.

Thank you for all the advice x I went and he was really nice!! I didn’t massively fancy him but he was really nice to spend the evening with and I didn’t think about my ex x I felt like he was actually just nice and that was quite refreshing x

That's great! Do you think you'll see him again?

I would say I need to date other people and I’m quite excited to do that now x He was really nice and it opened my eyes up to dating a different type of guy!! All the guys I’ve dated before all seem to be full of the same self importance and bull shit - he wasn’t like that x

What's up with being single for a while, until you're not scared? Are you obliged to date, for some reason?

You aren't in the position to date, or enter another relationship yet.

You aren't over your ex, nor have you begun the healing process..to be able move on.

Things won't possibly go successfully until you do.

Don't use people to try and make your ex jealous or want to come back to you...

Don't try to jump into relationships because you aren't comfortable with being single .. (it's probably best if you were single for awhile...like a year or more) You just got out of a relationship recently and looking to jump into another ...possibly soon.

Also...

Don't use people as distractions...

Distractions to avoid or procrastinate from doing the work to be healthy enough to date, to be in a relationship again( if you choose), to gain self respect, worth, and esteem, to heal, to grow, to mature, to feel comfortable, etc...

I think as long as you are honest with people, you respect them and you take things slow I think it’s fine to date. I’ve spent nearly 6 years on my own after a painful divorce and I was very happy to be single. I put my kids, me and my work as priorities.
I don’t see any harm in going out for a drink with people and even making friends and seeing what happens x
I blocked my ex and I’m not doing anything to get anyone jealous.

I don’t see any harm in going out for a drink with people and even making friends and seeing what happens

You are literally posting about your fear of dating. Do you enjoy being scared? It's not about what harm you see in it, it's about recognising that life is yours, and you do with it as you please... as in, you do what pleases you. You don't force yourself to do stuff that's scary to you, for no discernible reason.

I think fair play to you putting yourself back out there. My relationship ended a few months back and I am nowhere near ready, currently feels like I never ever will be but I admire your bravery x

You'd only known your ex for three months before you moved in together? You really need to take it a lot more slowly, especially if there are children involved.

He asked me twice to move in with him and I said no both times. I own my own house and I work hard for it and I would never move someone in that quick! It’s not the right thing for me or my children