Scared of making the wrong decision

[CrowMagnum]

I'm 10 years married, no DC

My relationship is fine in many ways but in other ways not. Nothing huge problems of abuse or anything, though I sometimes feel emotionally manipulated.

DH is very anxious and unhappy with life in general. He's not very emotionally available or communicative. I feel I'm left to do all the emotional work and am generally responsible for the 'mood' at home. Eg if I've had a bad day at work or am feeling a bit down, his mood will be low. I feel like I'm responsible for his emotional state. He's a worrier, we can't do anything spontaneous because he has to meticulously plan things. Sex is ok at best, and infrequent.

but...

He's generally supportive of me, and has financially supported me through retraining. He's told me he'd happily support me again for a while as I'm unhappy in my job. He does more than his fair share in the home, he pays the majority of things, including luxuries as he out earns me by a lot. He's materially generous. And will do pretty much anything for me in a practical sense. He loves me in his own way. I care deeply for him but I think my feelings have become platonic.

I have, materially at least, an incredible life. I can do whatever I want, afford pretty much what I want, not worry about COL, bills etc. I can pursue my interests without restriction. In this regard, my life would be much harder. I might not be able to buy my own home, might not be able to pursue my hobbies etc. I'm scared of losing all that.

But I feel lonely and unfulfilled in many ways too. I can't understand how DH can be happy when I feel otherwise. He says he is...

What should I do :(

No amount of hobbies can make up for being in an unhappy, unemotionally-fulfilling relationship IMO

Can you get couples counselling and see if you can work on the relationship?
is he doing anything about his anxiety?

Since you can afford it, I highly recommend getting therapy for yourself and your husband.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, and if you can find a way to strengthen your marriage, you should at least try.

We went to couples therapy this time last year, I was surprised he agreed to go. For a while I felt better because we were taking a positive step. But basically nothing has changed with him, despite him saying he would work on it. I'm still in therapy.

The 'happiness' level of our relationship seems to hinge on my mood, which varies wildly because sometimes I focus on the good parts of my life but sometimes I can't help but focus on the parts I feel are missing.

This is my concern though, that the grass isn't always greener. I'm just low level unhappy a lot of the time, I find myself increasingly feeling contempt for him and resentment.

I've recently realised that a male friend has become a source of emotional support that is missing from my marriage. So I've had to step back from a friendship that I value because it's crossing a line. Ehile I absolutely will not pursue anything, I'm resentful that I can't, which is awful

With your last update I personally think you should leave