Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He is dreaming of USA

11 replies

Mimi198 · 05/12/2023 01:43

We both live in Canada and we had 4 dates so far but known eachother for 2 years .Tonight, for the first time he shared an old dream of his, moving to USA. He visited Florida a few years ago and since then, he had the dream to move there some day. I didnt know what to say apart from the grass is always greener elsewhere to wich he responded "it is not done anyway". I know he's just à date for the moment but I really care about him and I do feel something special with him I never had with any guy. What can I do ? Would you continue dating or drop the gun already?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 05/12/2023 03:01

Well, in what way did he share it? Maybe he was testing the waters to see if you'd say 'I'd also like to move there one day' or 'wow that sounds fun, count me in if you'd like company'.

4 dates in is very early days so I wouldn't stress just yet.

I will tell you my story though just jncaee it ever becomes relevant. So...my first partner, if you can call him that as tbh I never knew where i stood with him. I was young and naive. All I knew was I adored him and we spent most weekends together. Well, he would always mention wanting to move to America. And it made me feel... 'not enough'. He wouldn't say 'we' he'd say 'i'. As if he didn't see me as part of his future.

(I'm adding this next bit as it will become relevant) He'd also do other like talk about his ex as if she was the one that got away (even though he would also slag her off at any given opportunity too). And he would say things to compare me with other women thar weren't nice. Like 'why can't you dress like her' ect...

There is something called narcissistic triangulation - which is when abusive men use other people or even, PLACES to make you feel 'not enough'. To knock you of balance and leave you wondering where you stand with them. Commonly they use exs or people on the TV. But places are a possibility too.

Eventually I realised he was a selfish jerk amd not capable of caring for me the way I did him so i left him. He actually, married an American women. And years later we had a brief conversation where - he tried to triangulate me AGAINST HER!
And I realised then, she is going through now, exactly what I was all those years ago. He's likely saying to her he misses home all the time.

Because its not about the person or the place - some people are just never happy with who is infront of them or where they are. Because they don't want to be. They don't have it in them. They always want something else. And that's not your fault.

So, just be aware thar things like this can become apparent. And if they do then, run. Because its not thar you are lacking anything. It's that THEY are.

Now I hope he's not similar to my ex but just ve aware if you continue to date and he continues to say these things.

Also be aware that...he may even be hinting that you guys aren't going to last.
And he's too wimpy to say.

Just take things slow going forwards. Hopefully it'll all work out. Maybe one day you'll be in America with him thinking back to this :)

Mimi198 · 05/12/2023 03:17

He is still in uni, if everything goes well, he will be a teacher in 2 years. The thing is, as i write these lines, the situation is hard for teachers where we live. There are on strike since november 23rd. So he was sharing about his dream because of that partiular situation. Dreaming of a better future in Florida

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 05/12/2023 03:22

I live in the US and the last profession I'd recommend getting into is teaching. My best friend is a teacher as well. It's a seriously bad situation. No strikes at the moment but still badly underpaid, overworked, just the worst. I don't think he's very realistic.

Lizzieregina · 05/12/2023 03:49

flowerchild2000 · 05/12/2023 03:22

I live in the US and the last profession I'd recommend getting into is teaching. My best friend is a teacher as well. It's a seriously bad situation. No strikes at the moment but still badly underpaid, overworked, just the worst. I don't think he's very realistic.

Amen to this! And a teacher in Florida, can’t think of a worse choice!

I don’t know if Canadians get any special treatment if coming to the US, but work visas are really hard to get too.

CrappyBarbara · 05/12/2023 04:05

I am American and I’ve spent a fair bit of time in Florida over the years. You couldn’t pay me enough to live there. For half of the year the weather is beautiful but for the other half it is unbearably hot and humid. Dangerous hurricanes are a very real possibility and becoming more frequent every year. As a result the cost of insuring property is exorbitant — if you can even get insurance at all. Not to mention the people… Florida bas a large population of gun-toting Trump supporters maybe you’re one of them — I’m not 🤷🏻‍♀️ as well as just generally anti-social people. It’s hard to explain but there is just a really unpleasant feeling, not everywhere but in a lot of places. There are shady for-profit drug rehab centers on every corner. The state education system is terrible. Yet despite all of those things Florida has been experiencing a population boom which means the property values are through the roof and climbing. It ain’t cheap.

I know this isn’t exactly your question but if I met someone who was seriously cinsudering moving to Florida I wouldn’t stay with him because I know I never will. If you are open to the idea that’s different.

flowerchild2000 · 05/12/2023 04:16

CrappyBarbara reminded me, just google "Florida man" lol..

Pinkbonbon · 05/12/2023 04:24

Lol guys...maybe I should skip that florida vacation I was thinking about xD

Mimi198 · 05/12/2023 04:27

I will never leave what I have here for a man. Its just that apart from that silly dream of his, I feel connected to him in a way I never experienced before and don't want to drop the gun for something that may never happen. At the same time, I don't want to build something with this guy if his dream come true

OP posts:
renthead · 05/12/2023 06:58

Presumably you live in Quebec? Quebecois do have a well-known love affair with Florida, so this isn't that surprising to me.

But also it sounds like he is young and maybe just dreaming a little? I don't think this is a reason to stop dating someone at such an early stage!

The situation for teachers in some other parts of Canada is very good, BC for example.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2023 07:56

So are you the same age as he is? If so, it's very common not to have felt such strong feelings before. It doesn't mean he is special though.

Whataretalkingabout · 07/12/2023 23:18

Give him a couple more weeks. He's not moving tomorrow.

Florida is an huge amazing and varied state. I have family there. It draws all kinds of people so you cannot make broad sweeping generalizations about it, like pp. It is definitely a fun place for a winter holiday.

If and when he decides to move there @Mimi198 , you will have plenty of time to visit and make up your own mind.

But after 4 dates don't you think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself??

New posts on this thread. Refresh page