How do you know your husband desires you?

[Eventhepiginthelarderagrees]

Because this is an ongoing issue in my marriage.
Despite verbal reassurances, I just don't feel it.
Want to see if I have unrealistic expectations.

Because he wants to have sex with me, enjoys having sex with me, gives me compliments on my appearance (not daily, maybe 2 or 3 times per month). Not sure what else there could be.

Actions speak louder than words. Compliments and verbal reassurance is nice, but actions have more meaning.

Do you guys go on dates?

He compliments me, the way he looks at me, physical touch during the day, he wants to spend time with me and sex obviously.

It’s not going to be like it was in the early days.

You have sex you both enjoy as regularly as suits you both: it’s fine.

It entirely depends on the context and perspective here I think. Why don't you feel it? Does your husband not show you with his words and actions? Or do you have different "love languages"? Do you suffer from low self esteem?

I say shall we have a shag, and he's up for it. He'll also say shall we have a shag and I'm not always up for it but he's okay with that too. I guess I just know we fancy each other because that feeling's always been there and never gone away but if it did, I'd feel very insecure like you're doing and I'd want him to be honest with me not give empty reassurances. So I guess the question is, do you think he's lying when he reassures you, even if it's a white lie? If so, do you want to know the truth and what will you do if it's what you fear?

I just trust that he does. He doesn't really compliment me... and he's not particularly touchy feely..
But when we have sex hes clearly very into it..
I think generally I just trust him and he's been there for me over the years. That means far more to me than him constantly trying to feel me up or making sexy comments.
And as I said the sex is still good so I've no reason to think he doesn't desire me.
The thing is if you are insecure or have low self esteem, no amount of someone telling you compliments is actually going to ever make you feel better because it's not them it's you... it's coming from inside you.
I don't know you so I don't know if that's the case with you or you are genuinely picking up on some change or coldness in him...

I can't really give much guidance just support that I'm the same, he says he does if I ask, but otherwise there's no obvious indication.

Because whatever he's doing, if I get charged/ take my clothes off, he stops to watch

This 😂

Yup, this! And forgets what he was saying.

Because he can’t walk past me in the kitchen without having a little grab or slap of my bum!

Physical touch.. cheeky quips and making the move on me

I don't, because he doesn't.

I thought mine did as he does everything everyone in this post has mentioned, but his recent Google search history showed me he doesn’t fancy me since I’ve gained weight from having our baby. I would have swore that he was obsessed with me otherwise though. 😫 Sadly you can’t tell what a man is thinking but I think we all have a gut feeling and I’ve definitely not felt he’s attracted to me in the last 6+ months.
For you maybe it’s different love languages - you may want words or touch and he may just be complacent and lazy. Also look at how you feel about yourself in general as maybe low self esteem is causing you to feel this.

Why don’t you feel it?

Because he tells me (in my case boyfriend not husband). He will tell me often how gorgeous I am, how much he likes me butt or my boobs. If he can get away with a discrete butt squeeze he does so. He cuddles me, tells me how much he enjoys cuddling me, how much better he feels. If I take my clothes off he will look at me and/or gallop over like a love sick puppy to have a naked cuddle! We also have plenty of great sex and he compliments me before, during and after. I would say that I enjoy all this attention and if I ever told him not to do these things I am confident he would stop. He is never OTT or inappropriate in public.

All of that is just about physical desire. He is also interested in what I do during the day, complimentary of my non-physical assets, keen to enjoy non-sexual physical contact, considerate of me and protective (checks if I need a rest for example or carries all the bags), eager to please and show off what he brings to the party (likes to cook me meals for example) and just generally keen to please me. I would like to think I reciprocate in kind. I am autistic and I guess badly and this is the first relationship in a really long time where I feel completely seen and 100% wanted both physically and emotionally. It's lovely!

He wants sex with me and compliments me.

My ex used to not like me touching him, talking to him, breathing on him, or going out anywhere with him. He watched porn and refused me sex. I think this is a pretty good indication they don't like you 🤔 I am not unattractive and kept myself slim. He just wasn't attracted to me.

Partner not husband yet but so many of the above, touches, cuddles, stops to watch and get a hug if I am getting changed or walk past in undies, compliments- a mix of simple compliments, tongue in cheek teenage remarks about tits etc and some genuinely observant and heartfelt that make me really feel seen. Doing kind things for me, both presents and suchlike, helping with things and really listening with interest. Sex of course but I've been recovering from surgery and able to do it less and none of the other things have reduced so it isn't just about getting sex.

DH gets an erection when we cuddle in bed. From what I understand, not having one myself, you can’t fake it or raise the mast just by deciding to get one - without physical stimulation in that area, you either fancy the person or you don’t, and if you don’t it doesn’t happen. So I’m pretty convinced he does, quite apart from compliments and lovey dovey stuff which I suppose in theory could be faked if dh wanted to. What an awful thought!

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the timing literally could not be worse and when I’m trying just to decompress and get affection it can be annoying to feel it growing against me but I know I’d be devastated if it ever stopped happening 😂

This. All the time. And vice versa. Funnily enough the other week my DP was being a bit quiet and I asked if he was ok and he said "well you walked past me in the hallway either and didn't touch my bum" so he assumed there was something wrong😂When we get on the sofa to watch TV he will automatically lift his arm up for me to get under and cuddle into him. We have sex most days but even on the nights we don't, he pulls me in close to him and kisses my neck as we go to sleep....

I think ultimately you just know and can sense that you both fancy each other?!

Can I ask OP if your husband knows that you desire him? And do you desire him?! Because the most important thing is that it works both ways....