Should I end it if I love someone else

[crispsndip]

Hi, trying to work out what the proper thing to do is.

I’m in a relationship, an ok one. It’s calm and I’m happy, in a dating kind of way. It’s my first relationship out of a long marriage. He lives in a different city and it’s low key. I’m 40-something with kids.

But, I am in love with someone else. This isn’t someone who is particularly available and we aren’t going to get together. But nevertheless there it is.

My question is am I morally obliged to break up with my boyfriend on account of being in love with someone else, or should I just keep it secret and try to forget about it?

I’m not sure what the proper thing to do is. I don’t want to squander the chance of actual happiness in the name of a dream, but also don’t want to be unfair.

Personally I think if you've been dating someone for a while and are in love with someone else, it suggests the person you're dating is not the right one for you.

However, depends what you're looking for? If you're not looking for anything serious and are enjoying the person you're dating then I don't see the need to end it - I just highly doubt they'll ever become the love of your life!

That’s kind of what I’m thinking

I'm in love with someone who isn't particularly available.

Does that mean an affair, and is this person in love with you ?

If they are, make a life together, and if he won't then he really doesn't love you.

If he isn't in love with you, then it appears you have tasted some forbidden fruit and were spoiling yourself with somone out of your league in some way.

Unfortunately, once you do this all relationships in comparison will feel lacking.
It's a dream, not reality, we all have to wake up and find our level.

Sorry, sounds blunt but no you are not appreciating the man you are with and therefor are lying to him, that's unkind, a bit like what the love of your life is doing with you.

If you’re not 100% happy in your relationship then it’s not for you, regardless of whether you think you have feelings for someone else.

I think it's very selfish to stay in a relationship with someone you aren't in love with.

I think it's quite cruel..

The person I’m dating isn’t in love with me either, he will only go so far as he ‘likes’ me — it’s a mid level dating thing between two divorced people.

If you're enjoying your relationship and not leading him on with your feelings or the future you could have then carry on. But don't sleep walk into a settling relationship (regardless of your feelings for someone else) out of apathy.

Yes, good point

Exactly what @Bobtheamazinggingerdog said.
You have no moral obligation to be in love with the man you're dating, or not to be in love with anyone else.

You do have a moral obligation to be authentic and honest to this man about it.
If you're not making him any promisses you can't keep, then there's no problem.

Except of course the unresponded love, which may just become a problem for you eventually. You may need time to heal from your love interest not working our, which is hard to do when you're spending time with and dating someone else. Or you may start to feel unsatisfied with the quality of the relationship with the man you're dating compared to the feelings you have for the other person.

But if and when that happens, I'm sure you can find a way to deal with it.