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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Controlling behaviour

17 replies

Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 04/12/2023 22:53

When you’re on a phone call to a friend and your partner calls you, does your partner expect you to drop everything for them and end the call to talk to them?

OP posts:
GarlicMaybeNot · 04/12/2023 22:59

WTF? Does he also expect you to walk backwards in front of him, bowing and calling him Master??

Fivepigeons · 04/12/2023 23:00

No. Unless it's an emergency.

thatwassociopathic · 04/12/2023 23:00

It's a bit subjective. If it was pre arranged, or to organise something imminent like one picking the other up, etc then not so bad. If just any old call and all the time, not good. What's the context?

Jellykat · 04/12/2023 23:03

My abusive controlling ex did, yes.
In fact regardless of what time of day, or where i was, if i didnt reply to a text from him within 5 minutes, all hell broke lose.
You so know its not healthy, judging by your thread title OP!

Original poster
Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 04/12/2023 23:05

He calls me everyday as he’s a lorry driver so has time on his hands. We’re on the phone for ages and I’ve got stuff to do you know? lol. But if I’m say on the phone to my best friend he expects me to end the call and take his call. I’ve never done this by the way but then he moans about it. He messaged me earlier to say he’d rung but because I was on the phone to her majesty (my bestie) it was a no no. I mean is this even normal behaviour??

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/12/2023 23:05

No, love.
Is your partner controlling in other ways?

Original poster
Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 04/12/2023 23:10

My best friend says she can see it a mile off and to be honest I’m beginning to think he is yes. Time to listen to all the red flags 🚩 I think .

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/12/2023 23:12

Have you been with him for long, OP?
Do you live together?

TheShellBeach · 04/12/2023 23:14

Does he refer to your best friend as "Her Majesty"?

Original poster
Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 04/12/2023 23:15

He did tonight yes!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyseverythingsocomplicated · 04/12/2023 23:16

About two years, and no thankfully we don’t!

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 05/12/2023 08:41

Very controlling behaviour indeed! BIG red flag!

Andarna · 05/12/2023 08:52

No, he doesn't even expect me to call back because he knows that I have my own life and my own plans. We're married and have a child.

I don't like the sound of this man. People should still have their own lives, friends and interests outside of any relationship. It sounds like he doesn't respect that and sees you as a thing that he owns.

Bananalanacake · 05/12/2023 10:04

And what does he do if you went on a night out with your friend, would he stop you or call you when you are out to spoil your night.

Hbosh · 05/12/2023 10:20

That sounds unreasonable.
My husband and I try to always answer each other's calls, mostly because of potential emergencies with our kids.
But if either of us is busy doing whatever, we certainly don't expect the other to drop everything just to 'chat' with us.
Does he realise you're your own person and don't exist just to serve him?

WandaWonder · 05/12/2023 10:23

If you start needing labels to explain your relationship yeah I would say end it

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 05/12/2023 10:25

But if I’m say on the phone to my best friend he expects me to end the call and take his call

You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to see what's staring you in the face here, OP.

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