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Original poster

So tell me about dating younger men?

30 replies

lirbravoncant · 04/12/2023 21:36

I am 46 and seem to have lost all traction with men my own age online dating or otherwise. It seems I am just too old for them to get serious about. So that leaves me with the men in their late 50's and 60's who I have tried to date but they are too old and often have ED or we just have nothing in common.

So then there are the younger (mid 20's to mid 30's) men who do message me and even approach me in real life. I do find them attractive but am put off due to stage of life difference and because I assume they are only after me because they think I'll be grateful for any attention I get. I have a grown up daughter and will not be having any more children so I know none of these relationships would be for keeps. I'm tempted but deep down I know for most of these men it is just a sex thing but at least the sex would be good right?

I am not convinced I can have a no strings relationship either and if I ended up seeing a younger man for months at at time and he was nice, treated me well I'd probably end up having feelings for them. Most recently a very attractive 31 year old has been showing interest and has asked me out, I've batted his advances away but am thinking of saying yes.

Has anyone done it, how does it go?

OP posts:
spartanrunnergirl · 04/12/2023 22:30

It can work and be great. I started this thread a while back and my relationship is going great!

Age gap relationships good stories .. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4602684-age-gap-relationships-good-stories

We have a lot of fun, are really into each other, and who knows what the future holds - but it's good now.

Catoo · 04/12/2023 23:09

Yes. It’s been a rollercoaster. I’ve had the most fun of all my relationships. Similar age gap to yours. Love the man. Happy if you want to DM me. I don’t know how to do that but I see people on here say it’s possible!

Hbosh · 05/12/2023 12:37

Honestly, if you're talking about sex being good, my experience is exactly the opposite. The younger the guy, the worse it was! The best sex ever was with men who were older than me.
20 to 30 year olds in my opinion are just not mature enough to realise that someone elses needs also matter in the bedroom (and anywhere else). But maybe that's just me 😆

3sausagedogs · 05/12/2023 12:46

I think you have to be careful. In my experience they are in it for the trophy shag, the ‘MILF’ thing seems to be sadly very popular. Younger guys have a lot of issues and they are very immature. They will obviously want their own children one day, they date multiple beautiful younger women and I have a problem with being with a man who people think might be my son. But dating is hard nowadays and if you find a nice guy, you find a nice guy, you shouldn’t really worry about his age if he’s respectful, got himself together and he treats you right

Popdrop · 05/12/2023 12:51

I presume they're just not interested in a relationship most of them and/or don't want kids. If they wanted marriage and children they'd be looking for someone a similar age. But if they just want sex and a laugh then older will do. Probably Peter Pans

Pinkbonbon · 05/12/2023 16:04

Way I see it, if they're going to be a nightmare, they might as well be hot.

Are the going to take you seriously? Probably not. But realistically that's not much different from men your own are anyway by the sounds of it. Might as well go cougar.

lto2019 · 05/12/2023 16:34

lirbravoncant · 04/12/2023 21:36

I am 46 and seem to have lost all traction with men my own age online dating or otherwise. It seems I am just too old for them to get serious about. So that leaves me with the men in their late 50's and 60's who I have tried to date but they are too old and often have ED or we just have nothing in common.

So then there are the younger (mid 20's to mid 30's) men who do message me and even approach me in real life. I do find them attractive but am put off due to stage of life difference and because I assume they are only after me because they think I'll be grateful for any attention I get. I have a grown up daughter and will not be having any more children so I know none of these relationships would be for keeps. I'm tempted but deep down I know for most of these men it is just a sex thing but at least the sex would be good right?

I am not convinced I can have a no strings relationship either and if I ended up seeing a younger man for months at at time and he was nice, treated me well I'd probably end up having feelings for them. Most recently a very attractive 31 year old has been showing interest and has asked me out, I've batted his advances away but am thinking of saying yes.

Has anyone done it, how does it go?

My ex was 17 years younger than me - it gave me a bit of pause for thought at the start but honestly had no impact on our relationship at all. The reason we split was nothing to do with age. It did help that we were at similar life stages - he had his child early - me late. We were together a long time and for most of that very happy.
I have been asked out by someone else with a similar age gap but think we are at different stages (and I don't fancy him and prefer him as a friend) but if I was wanting a fling I would have gone for it. Neither were into a MILF thing and both just like who they like and have dated younger/same age and older.
I have found now men my age or older just seem so old - in attitude.
I definitely think it should be the individual rather than the age that you make a decision on.

MrsMerryMistletoe · 05/12/2023 16:52

I had a young man trying to persuade me to meet him by asking me if I didn't want the Mrs Robinson experience. What a joker.

Motototo · 05/12/2023 16:57

It’s not great nowadays in my opinion.

My experience of someone in their 20’s when I was 30’s.

  1. little in common
  2. Drugs - so many young people seem to take these now - Coke in his case.
  3. Social media addiction
  4. very little by way of planning etc.

Lasted 5 months and that was it.

IronNeonClasp · 05/12/2023 17:32

Motototo · 05/12/2023 16:57

It’s not great nowadays in my opinion.

My experience of someone in their 20’s when I was 30’s.

  1. little in common
  2. Drugs - so many young people seem to take these now - Coke in his case.
  3. Social media addiction
  4. very little by way of planning etc.

Lasted 5 months and that was it.

Agree with PP. I’m just turned 50 coming out the other side from 4.5 relationship with a 36 year old. Not to sound bitter and knew it could happen but I put him on a pedestal but he was VERY hard work, OCD, lied to my face often and relapsed on Cocaine in the end - running off to mummy and daddy accusing me of a toxic relationship (despite living in my house rent free for 18m)!

He was also on his phone ALL the time.

The ‘toxicity’ came about as I wanted more commitment and to know if we were going to move In together / combine funds (currently share my bedroom with my son).

I believe he knew his get out card all along and never gave a flying fuck about my kids and I although happily let me look after him all that time: his mental wellbeing, me feeding him and being a ‘partner’ etc etc…

I ghosted him and he ghosted me. It’s been very challenging.

IronNeonClasp · 05/12/2023 17:36

BUT I have noticed the amount of money I’ve saved on food 🤣 And house is on market so did give me a kick up the arse I guess.

Watchkeys · 05/12/2023 17:40

I don't think you can generalise. Can you be generalised for him, as 'an older woman', and do you fit the mould? Or might there be lots of 'older women' who are very different?

Getthethrowonthesofa · 05/12/2023 17:43

31 and 46 I think is fine, it’s not likely to last, but why not. I think if you start to move down to mid 20s then it becomes a bit ick and not right. But 30s is fine in my view.

Original poster
lirbravoncant · 05/12/2023 17:44

Getthethrowonthesofa · 05/12/2023 17:43

31 and 46 I think is fine, it’s not likely to last, but why not. I think if you start to move down to mid 20s then it becomes a bit ick and not right. But 30s is fine in my view.

I agree 20's does seem way to young.

OP posts:
debelost1 · 05/12/2023 18:00

He's 31 and I'm 43. Started off as a bit of fun which turned into the most amazing connection ever and best relationship I've ever had. Was single 3 years before meeting him and never thought of dating younger guys but met him
And wow! Don't write anything off with the younger ones. He's treat me better than men my age who I dated and committed fairly quickly rather than the dithering about which a lot of men do! Happy to say a year down the line things are still as amazing and looking forward to our future together.

TwirlyWitch · 05/12/2023 18:06

Agree about not writing the idea off! I took a gamble against my rational thinking ( 6 years older than my son ffs) and I’m in a wonderful relationship with a man 15 years younger. It can work!

spookehtooth · 05/12/2023 18:33

From the perspective of the receiving end, it seems to be popular! I wasn't entirely happy some months back with noticing the majority of interest in me was coming from women older than me.
Recently I decided to have a go at embracing the fact, and increased the upper range of my filter to look at the potential options. I've come to the conclusion its worth leaving them that way and applying my usual rules for swiping left or right

Original poster
lirbravoncant · 05/12/2023 21:24

@spookehtooth Its interesting that you have decided to give older women a chance but it also sounds like that isn't really what you are looking or hoping for. So would it just be a short term thing you would be interested in with someone older assuming you want children in future?

OP posts:
JudyGemstone · 05/12/2023 22:51

I met my partner 9 years ago when he was 24 and I was 35, so 11 year age gap and just the right side of the half your age plus 7 rule!
Again was a bit of fun at first with no expectations but turned into more organically.

He doesn’t use cocaine or social media at all btw, and is great in bed.

before him I was on tinder and hooked up with a few younger men, they were all lovely guys tbh.

would recommend!

DGConsultant · 05/12/2023 23:09

Your ideal profile is probably someone in their thirties, professional, no plans for kids, ostensibly solvent, enjoys sex mutually but that's not the only motivating factor, wide social circle to draw upon, career focused, has a busy calendar of hobbies but wants to share them. It's difficult, but far from impossible. I'd start by concentrating on guys 31 to 45, most guys are relatively mature if they're successful at that age. Online date, but meet early to ensure chemistry. When I was online dating, that's the age range I set my profile at for women. Most guys don't mind an older partner, if they are intelligent and mature, and there's a connection and you enjoy spending time together. Good luck. A lot of women find this difficult.

spookehtooth · 06/12/2023 00:16

lirbravoncant · 05/12/2023 21:24

@spookehtooth Its interesting that you have decided to give older women a chance but it also sounds like that isn't really what you are looking or hoping for. So would it just be a short term thing you would be interested in with someone older assuming you want children in future?

Good questions. I have 2 adult step children from the last long relationship, so its not something I'm looking for. However its not a hard no either, if it was someone younger. I wouldn't say not looking or hoping either, age is just something you need to make a decision on. I guess I'm just being more open minded about it than I have been, that I might find someone I like beyond those fairly arbitrary numbers I set. Obviously incentivised by interest in me, but not solely determined by it. I'm not going to meet someone unless I imagine it'll work and I'd be happy if it did

I don't think about duration, I find the idea of even thinking about it strange. I'm only really thinking about whether I like someone, and if they like me to then see where it goes. I prefer to be grounded in the present, rather than get caught up in making plans about something I'm not really in control of

altmember · 06/12/2023 02:52

Men in their 20s approaching a 46 yo are almost certainly just looking for fun. Men in their 30s could be that or serious - late 30s to 46 isn't an eyebrow raising age gap for a proper relationship.

Sholkedabemus · 06/12/2023 03:10

I dated a guy 15 years younger than me. It did wonders for my self esteem. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere but I just enjoyed it. My advice for OLD, is to relax, have a thick skin, and enjoy it. I met my DH on a dating site but before I met him I had a lot of fun.

User43219 · 06/12/2023 08:05

I was thinking about this, this morning. If a younger guy wants a family he isn't going to be interested in a 46 year old like me. But if he doesn't or he already has children he might be. That goes for men my own age as well though.

I can't imagine having much in common with a 56 year old or even a 60 year who are nearing retirement or winding down to retirement (there are the odd exceptions) but someone 30 or 32 I'd have loads in common with. Maybe I haven't grown up and have a Peter Pan complex.

I do look young for my age and people who don't know me always assume I'm mid 30s so that doesn't help.

mermaidsrule8 · 08/06/2024 01:47

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