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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help - where to start

4 replies

locket2009 · 04/12/2023 18:24

First time posting here but need some advice as to how I get through this

Been married to my (d)h for ten years together for 17. 2x dc ages 14 &12.

We have not been getting in for a long time I am very sociable and like going out etc often with family and back to families house where we will party until small hours . Dh was always part of this but now refuses to participate. In the last year he has taken massive offence if I am out later than say 11pm even though he knows I'm with family so never any hint of anything appropriate. He just takes fence at the time abs has started to cause massive arguments whenever I go out.

After arguments he calls me all sorts of names even in front of the dc things like fat c**etc

He has even locked me out of the house and refused to open the door so I had to sleep in she.

Over the years he has gone into these moods very regularly and often refused to come on preplanned outings with the DC even when they were looking forward to them.

Although we are married it is his house. He is always telling me to get out and he hates me. I pay money towards him monthly pay for g&e and buy all food in the house so make a fair contribution .

Where don't stand if I leave him and how do I go about getting accommodation ? I am really struggling money wise at the minute so probably don't even have enough for deposit although I do work full time .

I just don't know where to start in regards to splitting up. I am heartbroken he hates me so much and says these things but I'm at the point where I think it's unhealthy for my children to hear a man say these things to his wife

OP posts:
Peachtails · 04/12/2023 18:44

You slept in the shed?! What a horrid controlling and abusive man, I'm so sorry you've been through this.

Find out what you can afford to rent (if you ring an estate agent they should be able to tell you what their stress test allows you to rent up to based on annual income). A deposit is usually a month's rent. Or contact your local council and see what the situation is to get help with accommodation via them so you can leave this abusive relationship.

Do you have any savings? Can family help?

If you're married it's not his house, it belongs to both of you and you would be entitled to percentage of it, but it's not something I'm overly clued up on, I'm sure lots of people on here will be though.

locket2009 · 04/12/2023 18:53

Thank you I will ring them tomorrow, probably not the best time of year to be looking but at least I will have an idea

OP posts:
Allthewallsarewhite · 04/12/2023 20:35

Are you able to stay with family? This is an awful situation to live in, I'm so sorry. You may be eligible for social help with housing since you don't own any assets yourself?

locket2009 · 04/12/2023 21:03

I don't really have family to stay with well not any that could put the three of us up . He is not speaking to me atm after another outburst. He is not violent it's more the awful atmosphere and the effect on the dc .

MIL died suddenly almost a year ago and o wonder if that's the cause of some of it but equally it could just be me he no longer likes

I am slowly trying to save for a deposit but will probably be a few months before I have it I could ask family to help but thought it might be best to wait until after Christmas

OP posts:
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