10 yr old DD and friendship group

[SomeonTookMyAnonymousUserName]

DD, 10, is friends with a lovely group of 6 other girls at school.

Their school (annoyingly in my opinion) changes up class groups in some years. I'm sure it's due to resources etc but my kids have all found this difficult (DD, 10, is my youngest).

So last year, DD was moved class with other kids in the class; just none in this friends group. So the rest of the group all stayed together in class and she worked hard with friendships in her new class (she got on fine but no friendships really stuck). That meant she didn't do the work to maintain this friendship group.

They've all been in the same class again since August but, in the past year as the girls have matured, the group have all paired off as 'best friends'. She still fits in with them. I think they like her well enough but she's now on the periphery.

A couple of times she hasn't been invited to parties and this happened again yesterday. She is devastated. (She knows this because they have WhatsApp - monitored by me and her dad - and share pics)

I've said all the 'right' things - I know I need to help her build resilience - but it's been awful. I've sent her to school this morning very upset.

Since August we've talked about being kind, being a good friend, etc. but it's not working. As I say, she's not disliked; she's just not in the 'in-crowd'.

I wonder if it's partly my fault. I'm a bit older than some of the mums, I didn't go to the same school as many of them did and we don't live in the same few streets that some of them do. I'm on the periphery too (which is not a problem- I'm an adult) but I think it's passed on to my kids.

Next year they'll be in high school and things will change but for her that's a long way off.

How do I navigate this with her?

I think you are doing a lot of the right things but do speak to school before the end of term for the start of next term to get her moved into the other class. Unless the school are streaming by ability they should be ok with the move on the basis of pastoral / social development. Be proactive.

Can you invite her friends to social events you are doing at the weekend so that she can retain these friendships outside of school and therefore make break times/ when she sees the friends from the other class easier for her?

Does your daughter have outside of school interests? Maybe some of these friends are doing classes (dancing, brownies etc) that your daughter could join that would help keep the social group together at school even if she isn't in the same class.

It's heartbreaking seeing your child lose friends but I will say my DD around this age 10-11 was hitting puberty and there were a lot of changes even though they stayed in the same class, the dynamics and alliances were shifting all the time due to it being a transition to 'big' school and hormones.
The popular mum thing helps a lot when the children are young but after that it's down to children as if a kid wants to play or hang out with another child at 10 years old they get to express this and have more independence to arrange playdates and invitations than say a 7 or 4 year old.
I am with PP on having her join some classes so she meets new friends, hopefully an activity where children get to talk to each other so for example scout or a craft or cooking club rather than a club where you need to sit and be quiet and listen to the tutor.