Hello everyone. My head is a bit of a mess. A couple of months ago I posted here about me and my hubby sex life. ( Once or twice a month 1 -2 minutes)His childish behaviour (farting in public places) his cold behaviour towards our children 9 months and 3 years ( sometimes he’s very cold towards the bigger one and often says he behaves like an animal and finds him difficult to handle and doesn’t want to spend much time with them. He is better with the baby (cos he is cute and doesn’t scream or move).He blame it on work but even when he is home I have to organise or force him to do things as he would prefer to watch football and listen to podcasts .We have had multiple arguments because of a boundary that he keeps breaking- I don’t want him to drink or do coke because in the beginning of the year he lost his dad and he started becoming very aggressive when he drinks(throwing chairs or slamming doors or breaking stuff)So after many arguments we decided that when he drinks ( usually on a Friday he will stick to 2 drinks in the pub and he will not bring cans of beer home… but he had lied on multiple times that he has had 2 when I can see his tipsy and had tried to lie about coke and will admit only when I tell him I can see the blood in his nose…( just on couple of occasions) The last time was a couple of weeks ago when I told him that he is a liar and he is no man of his word but he was claiming that it’s not lie if he admitted it after some questioning…And that brings us to the new problem
Cos of this all I feel not wanted not desirable..I feel like I only cook and clean and I don’t even get fcked ..I work 3 days a week and I look after them 3 (cook and clean) while he is so messy.Yes he help with tidy up and wash dishes but he will leave the dishes oily or he will throw his chlotes on the floor and I have to walk after him and the kids.I sat down and said to him 3 days ago how I feel and I told him this whole year sex has been bad (2 minutes) I don’t feel loved and that I don’t think he is In love with me .. I said relationship is fizzled out and I want him to make more effort for us. HE turned around and tell me “oh I feel the same like it’s fizzled out it’s not fair on anyone to be like this .. we always say we make effort but it never works.” I have to admit I have changed as well as I stopped being so bubbly and cuddly and lovey but I told him it’s only because I feel like I’m pouring into his glass and no one is pouring in mine.He always say I do enough and he don’t need anything more from me and that he feels like he can’t give me what I want and feels like he doesn’t do anything right.So we have said that we will try make a bit of effort for the next couple of months and after if it won’t work we will go on a break. The last 4 days I have been cooking meals with a smile putting a bit of make up doing my hair suggesting sex but all I get is him being moody tired and not in the mood. I get we are tired but I want to feel wanted.. I want the kids to feel very loved.He said that he thinks this is how marriage is -we just wait for the kids to grow so it becomes better… I want to enjoy my kids. ( I also work as a nursery teacher so children are so important for me)He is a very good man I am scared that our marriage is going away. We have been together 4 years and married 1 we have 2 children.He works very hard and is kindhearted I don’t know if it’s me being a cnt and maybe I am unreasonable. Any advice will be highly appreciated to tame my overthinking poor mind.