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Original poster

My family vs new partner

10 replies

Redbell · 03/12/2023 20:16

Probably just a rant!
My family (close + extended) is driving me nuts, and this is the most polite way I can phrase it. Since they found out that I have a new partner they have been nothing but negative about him. My parents met him once only, and apparently that’s all it took to determine a whole lost of reasons why he isn’t good enough. I was obviously present at the encounter and I know that he did absolutely nothing that would have warranted this reaction. Apart from scooping food onto my daughter’s plate not knowing that her GM thinks that it’s only her place to do this.

My DD is 6, he is not the father but has known her for years as we were friends before we became an item. DD adores him and he is the same about her, and I am feeling so annoyed that my family have to pull this shit. They are now pulling the whole “him or us” card with the Christmas break coming up and I’m upset but also tempted to just stick it to them.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 03/12/2023 20:31

Just tell them you are not going to be forced into choosing as they may not like the choice you make

tell them you are very happy and you are sorry they don’t think you deserve that,

Hatty65 · 03/12/2023 20:45

I would give them a cheery, "Oh that's a pity if you don't want to see us over Christmas. DD will be disappointed, but DP and I will make sure she has a good one".

It's incredibly manipulative of them to tell you as an adult with a child who you can and cannot see. Put boundaries in place with them now.

ThankYoufortheDay · 03/12/2023 20:47

What reasons did they give for not liking him apart from the food thing?

Grammarpolicenenaw · 03/12/2023 20:48

But what reasons are they giving? If he treats you and your DD well and makes you happy they don't have any cause to be like this.

Original poster
Redbell · 03/12/2023 21:03

It’s bullshit reasons (sorry).
He’s not a doctor/ lawyer which is the only thing that would impress them. (He still has a good job and career, as do I)
He’s “scary looking” as well apparently. They have really gone through some lengths to badmouth him. There is nothing really apart from them not liking that I chose someone outside of our ethnic group even if they don’t want to admit it. It just makes so angry

OP posts:
takemeoutonight · 03/12/2023 21:07

Redbell · 03/12/2023 21:03

It’s bullshit reasons (sorry).
He’s not a doctor/ lawyer which is the only thing that would impress them. (He still has a good job and career, as do I)
He’s “scary looking” as well apparently. They have really gone through some lengths to badmouth him. There is nothing really apart from them not liking that I chose someone outside of our ethnic group even if they don’t want to admit it. It just makes so angry

So racism on their part then? How can they think that's even remotely ok? I'd point this out to them and be firm. As long as he's respectful to your faith/background and you're respectful to his then there shouldn't be an issue. Your family sound incredibly rude and judgemental sorry.

StrawberryWater · 03/12/2023 21:08

Redbell · 03/12/2023 21:03

It’s bullshit reasons (sorry).
He’s not a doctor/ lawyer which is the only thing that would impress them. (He still has a good job and career, as do I)
He’s “scary looking” as well apparently. They have really gone through some lengths to badmouth him. There is nothing really apart from them not liking that I chose someone outside of our ethnic group even if they don’t want to admit it. It just makes so angry

I think you have your answer there. They don't like him because he's not like them.

They would probably be like that with anyone outside of your ethnic group.

Just distance yourself. They're not nice people.

MaxTalk · 03/12/2023 21:42

takemeoutonight · 03/12/2023 21:07

So racism on their part then? How can they think that's even remotely ok? I'd point this out to them and be firm. As long as he's respectful to your faith/background and you're respectful to his then there shouldn't be an issue. Your family sound incredibly rude and judgemental sorry.

Show quote history

It's not really racism IMO and I see their point of view.

Depends on personalities etc - I am in a mixed relationship and it is very difficult to make things truly work.

takemeoutonight · 03/12/2023 22:00

@MaxTalk I'm intrigued, how is it not racism? I mean that in a genuinely curious way not in an aggressive way.
Surely ethnicity and race are pretty intertwined here so how is it acceptable?

Crushed23 · 03/12/2023 22:06

If you find yourself having to choose between people, always choose the one who isn’t making you choose.

Basically, ditch the racist bores and have a good Christmas. :)

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