This time of year makes me incredibly sad.
Name changed btw, as I don't like it when posters go back through your old posts and try to make them relevant to the current thread. Want to stay on topic.
It always makes me sad, but I never acknowledge it, or allow myself to realise how sad it feels. I always put on a pretence of having lovely family plans for Christmas when I don't. The last few years, I've tried to make good plans, but realistically, it's always been awful.
This year, I've decided not to try, and it will just be me and my young daughter.
Well, I did try a little bit and asked one of my brothers if he'd like to join us for Christmas but he's made his plans with his girlfriend's family in another country- as is usually the case. He got annoyed when I wouldn't agree to cook a meal for my entire family on another day, which he could come to, before he heads off for his big family Christmas with her family. He doesn't want to visit if it's only me and my daughter. I can't force my other family to make the journey to mine so everyone can be in one place. We're not worth the effort apparently. Apparently I'm the bad guy, for having some boundaries, but I think the fact I'm a single mum, with no help, goes over my relatives' heads sometimes. Everyone in my family is single, with no children or responsibilities. No-one works full time, and everyone has enough money and security to get by. It's only me, who has a child, money worries and is looking for a job alongside being a mum. Don't ask me how, but I'm one of the few who didn't fall on my feet or have anyone to help me out. I don't begrudge them anything, but I wish they'd acknowledge things aren't easy for me, and make the effort to visit, for more than a flying hour once a year.
DD has no other relatives in her life. Dad was way too abusive for me to let him anywhere near him. His relatives seem alright from what I've seen on social media, but none of them ever ask after her or send her presents ever.
She'll get all her presents from me and santa, but the rest of the presents show up sporadically throughout the rest of the year, when relatives happen to be passing by. They refuse to post anything. I don't know why. She's got a backlog of birthday presents we've been told to pick up at some point. I don't drive and it's a two hour journey away by public transport to get them.
It's kinda awkward when people ask me what I'm doing for Christmas and I have to say 'nothing'. I know a lot of my neighbours, but there's no one to invite me over for Christmas drinks or anything, in my area, and I don't even have a pub in walking distance.
It'll just be another day in front of the tv. Honestly, that practical side of things, I don't mind. It just makes me so sad when I think of all the family members I have in different places, and no-one wants to invite us, or make an effort for everyone to get together. I tried hosting a couple of times in the past, but the people I invited were nasty (not just to me but my daughter as well), so I can't invite them again. After last Christmas, I ended up on the stately homes thread.
I used to have a wonderful grandparent. She was on her own and we used to always have a special time together. She died before her time. She would have adored my little girl.
I know that I should be enough for my daughter, but things were normal for some of my childhood, with lots of parties, friends and people around us, and I feel sad that she'll never experience that.
Thanks for reading, I don't know how to navigate these feelings, so I just felt that venting might help.