Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

No interest in sex after having baby

12 replies

BabyElephantish · 03/12/2023 19:00

I have always enjoyed sex and was pretty adventurous. DH and I had a great sex life.

However since having a baby I have no interest at all. I still very much love DH so I can't understand why there is almost zero desire to be intimate. It's not just him I have no interest in, there's no desire for sex with anyone. I struggle to feel any sort of arousal.

DD is almost 11months old now. Will the desire ever come back? How much more time do I give it?

DH is being very understanding but of course he misses the connection and I do too. I'm not happy to accept having sex once every couple of months as the new normal in our relationship.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do?

OP posts:

TheLurpackYears · 03/12/2023 19:04

Have your periods come back? Low oestrogen =low libido.
Are you absolutely exhausted? Do you do equal amounts of labour?

wineoclock90 · 03/12/2023 19:06

Do you breastfeed?

cbbo · 03/12/2023 19:22

Are you breastfeeding? Is so, that will play huge role in low sex drive!!!
I am the same, zero sexual desire, but hoping it will return once I stop breastfeeding

Original poster

BabyElephantish · 03/12/2023 20:22

I'm probably going to sound like a right fool now...yes I'm still breastfeeding and I am exhausted as DD is a terrible sleeper.
I've had 5 regular periods now so I'm guessing they are back for good.

Is it really as simple as that? Maybe it is simply a case of time will fix it.

OP posts:

hellsBells246 · 03/12/2023 20:41

Well, there's your answer!! Nobody will feel rampant when they're exhausted and their sex hormones are low.

It will come back when you stop breastfeeding and when you get more sleep, don't worry!

Zanatdy · 03/12/2023 20:47

That’s exactly why if still bf, I didn’t feel like having sex at all when bf, maybe natures way of ensuring gaps between children

Geranium1984 · 03/12/2023 20:47

I've got a 12mo and a toddler and neither me or DH have much interest! I feel so touched out by the end of the day from a toddler jumping all over me and a baby still breastfeeding and up in the night. I just want to go to bed! We are both exhausted.

Saltysnack2003 · 03/12/2023 21:20

My daughter is 14 months old and I have found exactly the same. I listened to the "don't buy her flowers" podcast and they are quite open about this topic on one of the episodes. They said how normal it is to never feel like it, ever. I found this so reassuring as I really thought there was something seriously wrong with me. They give some really good advice on the podcast to help. Worth a listen.

DiabeticFirstBaby · 04/12/2023 02:12

My LG is 2.5 years and we haven't actually had sex since I was pregnant. I'm still breastfeeding and have 0 drive at all. I also had a really traumatic birth with a large tear and it's been a healing process. By the end of the day me and DH are exhausted and we just haven't got round to it. It does worry me a bit but also ready it's very normal. I'm hoping to stop BF soon tho so hoping it will help!

Nofilteritwonthelp · 04/12/2023 02:17

Don't beat yourself up, I'd say this is pretty normal. You've just had a huge physical and emotional ordeal having a baby, sleep deprivation and general exhaustion. You could always see your GP to get some advice.

flowerchild2000 · 04/12/2023 02:21

I'm pretty sure it's hormonal as I saw a huge shift after stopping breastfeeding and my hormones went back to sort of normal. So between 1-12 mo postpartum I couldn't stand the thought of being touched but after that went back to normal, with fluctuations throughout the month with my cycle. I've heard good things about herbal supplements that balance hormones, you could research that and make sure you can take them with any meds you might be on. Things like diet and exercise help too.

thebestinterest · 04/12/2023 02:26

OP, it’s tough!!
I was right where you are - not feeling it, just blehhh. Pretty out of character for me, as my sex life was very healthy with DH pre baby.

Honestly, even though I struggled with arousal, I still made time to make love with my DP post baby because it was important for our relationship.

It’s hard to fully give in though, but try to remember that it will pass. In fact, there was a time around the 9-12 mo mark where I was starting to think I wasn’t attracted to my DH anymore.

Just have an open dialogue and explain how you’re feeling, and if you can bare it, try to be together in that way.

16 mos later and I can tell you that my drive is returning.

Good luck x

Flip