How do I convince my DH he needs to make some lifestyle changes

[thegoodwife1970]

My DH sleeps in a separate bed from me -mainly because he snores very loudly but also he sits up in his sleep tosses and turns and shouts and yells in his sleep.
He's a smoker - doesn't drink - although he has had drinking issues and drug abuse in the past. He last got drunk/binged in New Year's Eve and I'm dreading this NYE.
He's about five stone overweight and I have tried to get him to eat more healthily.
He says I'm nagging him but it's very hard for me to watch this and affects myself and our two DC 10 and 14..

You can't make someone change

I’m interested in this as I’m in a similar position. I’m genuinely worried about his health. I put earplugs in so I can sleep.

my DH is really considerate, pulls his weight at home, goes to the gym 3 times a week but he can eat for England.

he’s pre diabetic. This week I did say how concerned I am that he won’t make old age. His mum died of a stroke. He has high blood pressure. He’s got all the risk factors (although doesn’t smoke)

he does all the cooking.

he’s clever. He knows the situation.

I don’t know what the answer is as I’m genuinely worried he won’t make old age, and if he does I’ll be his carer as he’ll be disabled.

You cant.

He already knows there is an issue. He isn't bothered enough to change.

You can't make him change, he has to want to do it for himself. I was the same very overweight, diebetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, my husband kept telling me how worried he was about my health, but I wouldn't listen, well not until I began to feel really ill, then I knew myself it was time to do something about it, so had weightloss surgery and it's transformed my life.

GP to get a sleep apnoa referral I think

Whenever I go on a health drive, my husband always follows.

I start these changes without any expectations on him. Obviously I'll talk to him ahead if time. Might say things will be different because I'll be doing (or won't be doing) XYZ, but he can just carry on as normal and that will be fine.

Without exception within a week or two he's decided to follow my lead.

First step would be getting a sleep study done. Apnea can be the cause of quite a lot of health issues. Being overweight can also be the reason for apnea though.

I’m not the op but I think the first thing the GP would advise my DH to do is lose weight. I’m not sure a study would be helpful without tackling his weight first.

Nagging is a word people use when they want you to shut up Op, no, you can't make him change but being 5 stone overweight will have a significant effect on his health. You can't share a bed so this is already a problem in your relationship, time to be straight with him, he may be happy to hide his head in the sand but he can't make you join in

If he leaves you responsible for buying meals then dont buy in anything unhealthy and if he resorts to takeaway then let him have one on his own. He might just do it anyway and not feel embarrassed but at least you won't be complicit in it.