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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Online dating success stories please!

37 replies

shalligiveupagain · 03/12/2023 15:03

After several years of being single I decided to give online dating another go but close to giving up already. The majority of people on there just seem to want someone to invite them over for a shag, if they even want to actually meet someone in real life at all.

Anyway, thought I had found one worth a shot, messaged for a few days, all very nice, flirty without being over the top, all good. But he then tried to turn it into sexting before we had even met, something I'm not into, particularly before the first date. I set my boundary and all seemed ok but he now seems to have lost interest, not messaging as much, etc.

Is there anyone left out there who wants to find something genuine with someone? I like the sexual side of a relationship as much as the next person but don't want to conduct it over a phone.

Anyone managed to meet someone decent who respected boundaries? (no judgement on sexting, just not for me)

OP posts:

SamW98 · 04/12/2023 08:20

shalligiveupagain · 04/12/2023 08:16

@PermanentTemporary plenty of fish

In my experience POF is the worst for unsolicited messages as you don’t have to match.

Wyy not try Bumble as the woman messages first so you have a bit more control? Others like Hinge. That didn't work for me but it’s another where you can filter better but there’s a lot less men.

jojogoesbust · 04/12/2023 11:15

I had been on and off for 2 years. I had most success with Tinder, but after some awful dates, ghosting and the rest i logged in one Sunday afternoon in April to have a break and delete my account after another disaster story. I had a message from someone i had matched with but he hadnt been online. As he worked pretty much next door to me we met for a coffee next day. We have been dating since then , are very much in love so it does work i think its a numbers game :)

Betteroutdoors · 04/12/2023 12:35

Initially met someone in 2017 following a traumatic relationship break up, effectively that turned into a bit of a situation ship on both sides, on and off but nothing awful (and I still slightly regret we didn't at least stay in touch as friends) and lasted until 2019.

Dated someone else for a couple of months in a "off" period, he was lovely but overly keen and not right for me. I really hope he met someone lovely who appreciated him.

Then decided I needed to properly give something a try, no settling for something not quite right and "place holder" in 2019. Went on a few dates, chatted a bit, and then me my other half. Took it reasonably slowly for 6 months, was starting to get more established for the early part of 2020 and then COVID hit and we basically ended up moving in together.

I agree it is a numbers game and really not being scared to walk away or conversely give things a chance...good luck

SpringleDingle · 04/12/2023 13:07

I met my husband on match.com back on 2005 and we were married for 12 years. Now divorced but I don't blame OLD for that!!

I met my last boyfriend OLD and he turned out to be a headfuck. I needed far better red flag spotting skills. I've done my homework and I think my boundaries are where they need to be now.

Met my current boyfriend almost a year ago on Bumble. He is a nerd. He is not an Adonis. He is not loaded but is gainfully employed and adults his own life. He is, however, the kindest and most loving partner I can imagine. He genuinely cares for me, looks out for me, does lovely things for me. He is emotionally available, not a commitment phobe and I feel very lucky. I am a nerd, not a supermodel, autistic, employed, adult, single parent. I'm definitely a catch for the right person and it is wonderful to find someone who appreciates me. The sex is damned good too!

CollagenQueen · 04/12/2023 13:14

Yes! I met my DH on Plenty of Fish. He is a solid, dependable, trustworthy man with a good job, and a good background. We have been together 15 years and are still very happy. Currently counting down to retirement and lots of travel.

Personally, I wouldn't meet anyone that shows any sleaze or wants to sext. Weed them out early doors. Maybe even say that you don't want any of that on your profile?

My son (26) met his GF on Tinder. They have been together over 3 years and are still going strong.

CollagenQueen · 04/12/2023 13:14

Oh, and FIL (75) met his partner on OLD (not sure which site) and they have been together about 7 years.

Woodenwonder · 04/12/2023 13:16

Met my DH on Tinder 9 years ago. we messaged for a month back and forth before meeting. There was no sexting at all in that time. We slept together on the first date spontaneously as it goes, but it all worked out and we never looked back.

I only liked him and one other guy on there and matched with them both and I think I made the right decision as , as nice as the other guy was, he did try on getting a bit rude in messages (Nothing too much, still respectful) and that was the decider for me.

I do think it's changed a lot now from what I hear, particularly after covid. People have become quite insular and self-sufficient in being alone emotionally I think thanks to lockdown, which leads to a situation where it's a case of getting immediate physical needs met superceeding the need or want for a deeper connection, particularly in older men.

Original poster

shalligiveupagain · 04/12/2023 21:56

Thanks for all your replies. I have set up a profile on Bumble now and spelt out even more clearly what I'm not looking for so 🤞

OP posts:

QueSyrahSyrah · 04/12/2023 21:58

I kissed a lot of frogs first but eventually I found a keeper. Almost 4 years later we're married with a baby on the way

alloalloo · 04/12/2023 22:15

I found Bumble best too. I think it's important to include lots of photos and to write something. I didn't try to be anything except myself. I only swiped right on ones who "spoke" to me, so not just looks but especially what they said about themselves. I consider myself very lucky to have met someone so lovely, but I know I'm a good catch too 😊

alloalloo · 04/12/2023 22:22

There is an ongoing thread about OLD that you might want to join 😊

Dating Thread 244 <<www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4944000-dating-thread-244>>

Hope that works!

Easterdaffsx · 04/12/2023 23:01

I was single for a few years after 25 years married
Joined OLD site and went on one date a month ish for almost two years
Every date sort from one was lovely but I was only after just that ... a date / dinner / friendship initially
Made some great friends
Got a a bit fed up and left but was being pursued by a never married guy with no dc and I was 47
Long story short we went on a date 7 years ago and now very happily married x x x
Feel so flipping lucky I'm still grinning and actually sitting up in bed with a baileys wearing my Wifey t shirt

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