It’s actually over

[Supamum3]

I’ve been awake and crying since 4am.

i am in shock and everything feels surreal right now.

dh and I have been together for 14 years and have 3DC.

we have our ups and down like many couples but in the last few years these issues seem to have become more pronounced and come up in every row, all our arguments lead back to the same issues. We had an another row today and it came up again, he says I’m sick of going round in circles I’m not doing it anymore. I responded with if you are not willing change then stop leading me on and be honest. So he did.

and that was it.

said he has had enough and will look for a place to live.

im heartbroken. Deep down I feel like I knew it was coming because we couldn’t resolve this, but I also hoped we would.

i am SAHM with zero savings or income, I don’t know what fuck I am going to do. The life I had is gone and I don’t know what the future looks like l. Feel so helpless.

I’m sorry you are going through this - the end of a marriage is so horribly painful, but it sounds like it has been coming for a while. Are the issues insurmountable? Have you had any counselling?

If it is definitely over you need to think about your financial position. How will custody work? Have you friends/family who can support you?

I didn’t want to leave you unanswered until the wiser women are awake. So sorry this has happened to you.

So sorry. He’s going to have to support you short term until you find a job etc.

I'm so sorry, the realisation is bloody awful - I speak from experience! Don't make any rash decisions, give him time (and yourself) to absorb this. Then in a few days think about the next steps, who's going to love where, the financials and child arrangements. I was also a SAHM and was ever so worried about how I'd survive, truth is I'm better off now than I've ever been! He will need to support you short term, then you can think about re-training and getting back into the workforce. I know it doesn't feel good now but the empowerment of being independent is something else. Hugs xx

Apply for universal credit this morning, see if you can get an advance once the claim is processed.

see if you can do a part time degree through the open uni, if you don’t already have a degree.

look up good solicitors online and try and gather as much financial info as you can, change over accounts for child benefit if it’s not going into your account.

That’s just the practical stuff, really sorry OP this close to Christmas I hope your okay

Thanks for kind words. I actually feel quite numb

we have a family event today which will be very difficult.

as soon as I saw him this morning, I began crying. Don’t know how I’ll get through the day.

@Supamum3 can you stay home and him take the kids?

so you can have some time to yourself, say your not feeling well.

hopefully you can

I have been there. I was 29 and 2 kids under 2, exDH shagged his boss and never came back.

I think you need to ask your husband to have a direct conversation to ensure that you both really are splitting up rather than heat if the moment.

You need to use the turn2us or entitled to calculators online to see what benefits may be applicable.

You can then take that to the mediation table and try and discuss a way forward.

In my own situation I was fortunate enough to have parents who offered to have my kids 2 evenings a week so I could do some bar work just to earn a bit of money and meet people. I'm 10 years down the line from that time now and just about to complete my degree, remarries and another child.

You are married so protected financially

Can you get out of the event by saying you’re unwell and getting H to take the kids?

It is numbing and shocking so you need a bit of space.

I have to attend as it is for the dc. Have escaped to the toilet to have a break. Almost broke down when I saw a friend and she asked how I was.

yes I think we should have a proper ‘this is it conversation’

Family event was not too bad., focus all
energy on dc and was outwardly fine but numbness was hiding within. Barely spoken to eachother I feel sick can’t eat anything

would still be able to apply for UC if we are still living together ? When do I tell people?

im worried he may not financially help me anymore. He pays for most things and would sometimes give me extra for myself if I ask, I didn’t this month and I wish I did. I’m really fucked

@Supamum3 yes you can claim I’d do it tonight so your able to get some money in

You talk about “ the same issue”. Would counselling help ? Regardless of what happens you should try to get a job.

Thank you @oogbkihdeeflkigfviimmm i am going to apply tonight.

thank you @Mylovelygreendress we had therapy on nhs before, this time I’m not sure we can afford it . . . We have been stuck for a while. It won’t be easy to get a job with 3 dc as no family close by, but I know I need to see what options there are