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Original poster

Should I take a step back now?

24 replies

Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 01:29

Is it best I (31f) take a step back from this situation with him (41m)

He doesn’t really look his age he’s 10 years older than me. . He’s not really my usual type. But he’s actually hilarious. I’ve never come across a guy that I find that funny.

Now the issue is. I have quite blunt banter. As in I give as good as I get. I often do it with him at work and I spend around an extra 2 hours at work at the end of the day sometimes just to talk. It’s silly I know but Christ I fancy him. I just have no clue how he feels at all.

I’m so bored of figuring out mixed signals. But the age gap is an issue.

I actively flirt with him though. After the work Xmas do. I got a little drunk there. We had some banter but nothing really happened. Anyway, I know I said some stupid things to him drunk. So I avoided him for about 2 days, cowering my head as I walked past or just generally going back the other way if I saw him coming.

Anyway, he approached me the other day because I was kind of ignoring him. He said. "hey. You ignoring me or something. I always see you walk the other way." Anyway I laughed it off and said "maybe but only because of what you said at the Xmas party". I backed off just to see what he might do. He was the one who re started the convo.

I stayed 2 extra hours after work to talk to him. And I made some very obvious flirting comments. Like I showed him my work and he went "oh fuk me that's a lot" I went "oof steady on. No thanks" he then just laughed at me and I said "come on hurry up I need my laptop back". I said "can't you do two things at once. I could teach you" so a major sexual innuendo tbh. He then just kept laughing at what I said.

Then we spoke about a guy at work who likes my other colleague. He then went "never know. He might like you and be going through her first" I said "no he's not my type anyway." He went "why not. He's close to your age. He's decent and friendly. Has a nice house" I went. "Yeah it's still a no." I said "he's got a bad haircut too" he went. "It's like mine" and I said "yeah but yours is nice his isn't" he then said "see it doesn't hurt to say nice things to me once in a while. (Said sarcastically)”

Later in the convo he mentioned he had met up with an ex, he said honestly we just ended up arguing in the end. I then said an ex from 4 years back still dipping in and out the scene is odd af. And I said they only come back for one thing anyway. I blocked all mine.

In the end, I just joked about his age and he went "why can't you say nice things you cheeky bich"

He then had to speak to someone at work who I know he doesn’t like. I gave him a little look after and he went “I saw that face. Tell me what you’re thinking” or something along those lines.

I told my colleague all about this and she insists that he tries it on with me. I just don’t see it. Also is the age gap odd? Shall I just get a grip and leave it alone now? I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ve always caught feelings very easily.

I could just do with some advice here..

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 03/12/2023 01:37

Did you write a similar post the other day, or are there two of you staying back 2 hours at work to banter?

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 01:37

He's probably worried you don't like him, think he's old, etc. Sounds like he was trying to joke about it to get you to show if you're attracted or not. The age is only an issue if you think it's an issue. You're both old enough so it's not inappropriate. I'm 41 but no one would guess because I don't look or act it. I date younger too, I've never dated anyone over 35 so. I would date older if they didn't act old. It sounds like you might have some fun, just keep in mind if things don't go well it might be awkward at work. If he's decent it won't though. Why don't you try a really casual first date just to see? Take it slow and get to know him first.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 01:41

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 01:37

He's probably worried you don't like him, think he's old, etc. Sounds like he was trying to joke about it to get you to show if you're attracted or not. The age is only an issue if you think it's an issue. You're both old enough so it's not inappropriate. I'm 41 but no one would guess because I don't look or act it. I date younger too, I've never dated anyone over 35 so. I would date older if they didn't act old. It sounds like you might have some fun, just keep in mind if things don't go well it might be awkward at work. If he's decent it won't though. Why don't you try a really casual first date just to see? Take it slow and get to know him first.

See. I’m a woman. I’m too scared of rejection. I don’t really care about the age. I care about not being seen as pretty enough.

OP posts:
hoobanoobie · 03/12/2023 01:41

So at what point after everything you've detailed do you think he's actually showed an interest in you that's more than a friend?
If anything, it reads like you're harassing this bloke when he's given you nothing to go on.
You might want to rethink your boundaries in the workplace and look elsewhere for dating opportunities.
You've been completely inappropriate. Staying an extra two hours when you've nothing to show that's there's a motive towards you that you haven't imagined?
Drop it and leave him alone.

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 01:53

hoobanoobie · 03/12/2023 01:41

So at what point after everything you've detailed do you think he's actually showed an interest in you that's more than a friend?
If anything, it reads like you're harassing this bloke when he's given you nothing to go on.
You might want to rethink your boundaries in the workplace and look elsewhere for dating opportunities.
You've been completely inappropriate. Staying an extra two hours when you've nothing to show that's there's a motive towards you that you haven't imagined?
Drop it and leave him alone.

Totally uncalled for. Hope you disregard OP!

Fairygoblin · 03/12/2023 01:54

I hate to say this but from how you've detailed everything you are coming across as quite intense and a little desperate. You mentioned several times that he laughed, could it have been an awkward, embarrassed type of laugh? I think you should back off and relax and potentially see what happens. Don't stay late again for starters

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 01:57

Fairygoblin · 03/12/2023 01:54

I hate to say this but from how you've detailed everything you are coming across as quite intense and a little desperate. You mentioned several times that he laughed, could it have been an awkward, embarrassed type of laugh? I think you should back off and relax and potentially see what happens. Don't stay late again for starters

Just to make it clear. And extremely clear. I ignored him for a few days. With the intent of backing off. However, he approached me. To ask why I was being that way. He then asked me into his office. And we sat talking for 2 hours. I didn’t just voluntarily go on. I’ve backed off a few times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 01:58

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 01:53

Totally uncalled for. Hope you disregard OP!

Show quote history

I’m not disregarding. It could be true. But I tested the waters by ignoring him for a while.

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 01:58

Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 01:41

See. I’m a woman. I’m too scared of rejection. I don’t really care about the age. I care about not being seen as pretty enough.

Show quote history

See that's what flirting is for. Now you have some rapport or friendship with him, you can turn to being complimentary and really nice. That gives him permission to compliment you back and lets him know you're interested. A decent man won't cross that boundary without knowing for sure it's ok. There's nothing inappropriate about talking, flirting even. Honestly I'm almost jealous, I work from home and never really go out without my kids. It sounds like you're having a lot of fun. I would love that! Even if it didn't go anywhere. Throw him a heartfelt compliment and see what happens.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:05

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 01:58

See that's what flirting is for. Now you have some rapport or friendship with him, you can turn to being complimentary and really nice. That gives him permission to compliment you back and lets him know you're interested. A decent man won't cross that boundary without knowing for sure it's ok. There's nothing inappropriate about talking, flirting even. Honestly I'm almost jealous, I work from home and never really go out without my kids. It sounds like you're having a lot of fun. I would love that! Even if it didn't go anywhere. Throw him a heartfelt compliment and see what happens.

Show quote history

Again, I’d need at least 1 glass of wine before asking him out. I’m all weird and nervous about it. I get confused by signals.

OP posts:
hoobanoobie · 03/12/2023 02:10

@flowerchild2000
I'd be very interested to read exactly what you think I said was uncalled for. You read the same post as I did. Do let me know your take on it. Extra points if you can point out when this man has ever shown any actual romantic interest in the OP.

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 02:12

Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:05

Again, I’d need at least 1 glass of wine before asking him out. I’m all weird and nervous about it. I get confused by signals.

Show quote history

You can do it! Just go slow and leave little hints here and there first to get your courage up.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:15

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 02:12

You can do it! Just go slow and leave little hints here and there first to get your courage up.

Show quote history

Such as😅I’m new to the dating game so I’m gonna need help here

OP posts:
Sholkedabemus · 03/12/2023 02:19

The age gap doesn’t matter. I would try not to over think where this is or isn’t going, relax and just see what happens.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:19

Sholkedabemus · 03/12/2023 02:19

The age gap doesn’t matter. I would try not to over think where this is or isn’t going, relax and just see what happens.

Thing is. I think he tried to ask me to go out before. But I didn’t pick up on it.

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 02:20

Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:15

Such as😅I’m new to the dating game so I’m gonna need help here

Show quote history

Since it's at work I would keep it safe, like don't say anything you wouldn't say to a sibling or friend. Just something harmless like "Did you get a haircut? It looks nice." even if he didn't change his hair at all- totally innocent remark anyone could say to anyone. But if he likes you, it will make his day and likely return with a compliment. It should go naturally from there.

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 02:22

Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:19

Thing is. I think he tried to ask me to go out before. But I didn’t pick up on it.

Show quote history

What did he say?

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 03/12/2023 02:28

flowerchild2000 · 03/12/2023 02:22

What did he say?

Show quote history

Can’t remember. But it was along the lines of getting food I think.

OP posts:
OhGoodie · 03/12/2023 03:37

Only pursue this if you’re prepared to have to leave your job.
It sounds incredibly juvenile and likely to end in tears.
If you don’t like your job and can find another easily, go for it.
If you want to be able to keep working there, start acting more professionally.

PaminaMozart · 03/12/2023 03:41

DustyLee123 · 03/12/2023 01:37

Did you write a similar post the other day, or are there two of you staying back 2 hours at work to banter?

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a distinct sense of deja-vu...

What did you not like about the answers you got last time,@Hammondhugh ?

RantyAnty · 03/12/2023 04:33

Is he married or have a girlfriend?

I probably wouldn't bother as if things at work go sour you'll have to leave your job.

ZekeZeke · 03/12/2023 04:39

You already posted about this

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 03/12/2023 04:44

I really hate people who 'banter' and 'give as good as they get' as a way of flirting. It's not nice to be on the receiving end of. Maybe stop 'blunt bantering' and just be nice to him and see if he picks up the cue? If you're staying after work 2 hours (!) to chat then he knows perfectly well you're interested. Either he's not interested which is why he hasn't asked you out yet or he's picking up on your spiky communication style and doesn't know how to. Tone that down and see what happens. But if nothing happens in the next couple of weeks tone down the staying after work to chat because it's odd if you aren't dating.

Usernamechange1234 · 03/12/2023 06:39

You posted about this a few days ago. Why post again?

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