How would you deal with this? Friend's finances

[Dogknowsbest]

I've been friends with this person for years. She's really lovely, supportive and good fun and most of the time this isn't a problem but I am feeling myself starting to feel resentful.

In a nutshell, she went through a really bad break-up around the same time I broke up with my DH. She was in a real financial mess and I helped her out a bit financially. I knew I wouldn't get the money back and was very clear after I had helped her, "this is a one-off and I can't afford to help you out more than this". It was to the tune of £1,000 and she paid me back £500.

Moving on to now, she's in a much better paid job (I'm estimating £50k), all children grown up. One is at home, paying housekeeping and the others are independent. I'm in quite a low paying job, have 2 kids at home but get maintenance from ex and have a bit extra income from money I invested over the years so our actual incomes are probably comparable over a month.

However, occasionally when we go out or when it involves paying for tickets in advance, she will say things like "I'm your poor friend" and go on about how little money she has compared to me. I feel like she expects me to say, it's okay and I don't need the money when in actual fact I do need the money.

I suspect she's done this with another mutual friend, as although we're all really close, said mutual friend now refuses to book seats in advance where an upfront payment is required.

She currently owes me £30 for tickets I booked for a Christmas event we all wanted to go to and I dread asking for it because I know what the answer will be. How would you handle this?

Isn't she just? Smart enough to hang on to her own money, and help herself to yours as well.

When she says 'I'm your poor friend', could you say, with genuine curiosity, 'Do you really think that? From what I know of your finances I think you are more comfortable than me?' See what she says? She might genuinely think it, or think it's a bit of a joke between you, or that you quite like indulging her - people can have very self-serving blind spots. Let her feel a bit embarrassed that you think she's been taking you for a ride and that you don't really like it.

I have a friend like this. She always asks me to book stuff and will say she will send the money but never does. Yet she brought me a coffee a few months ago and asked me to bank transfer her the £3 or whatever it was, as we sat there. Her household income is double mine.

Yes, why are you leaving the “poor friend” remark unchallenged? I’d be pointing out the roles have reversed and she’s now better off, so when can you expect your money back? Apart from that, being strict about getting money up front before you book anything, or saying ‘get your own ticket’ makes sense, otherwise she’s taking the piss.

"LOL give over, I think I'm the poorer one these days" then if needed " you have a good job and no child care to pay for"

She is a schnorrer!

I can't believe you asked for a gift back a few years later! You were the odd and unreasonable one, not her.

You think she is a lovely friend because it's most likely false and just makes it easier to tap you for money. She's a user.

Never pay for anything upfront for her again unless she gives you the cash first.

Well it wasn't really a gift, I wasn't using at the time, but then i wanted to use it again. I didn't wrap it up and give it as a birthday or christmas present. Nowt odd about that!

@Precipice if someone had passed something on to me and then later realised they could use it and asked me for it I would 100 percent give it back , would consider it extremely shitty not to. I was honestly shocked by her behaviour.

@appalledandtired You said you gave it to her, you didn’t say you loaned it to her. You also said “she considered a gift a gift” which to be honest so do I. If someone gifted me something and then asked for it back a few years later, I’d think they were a shitty friend. You don’t ask for gifts back!

This