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Original poster

Is this a reasonable request to my hubby?

31 replies

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:32

So my hubby who is retired, has a habit of napping after lunch. His lunch time can be anywhere between 12.30pm and 4pm. He naps in our lounge on the sofa after watching the TV while eating his lunch. So he will occupy the lounge for about 1-2 hrs. While he is napping I will of course be very mindful of any noise I am making and I tread carefully to show consideration. 2 days ago I asked him if he could not ALWAYS sleep on the lounge sofa. We also have 2 spare bedrooms upstairs. I said if the time you were in the lounge was consistent (no criticism intended) I would then know when I wouldn't be doing certain things that may be a bit noisy etc. As you like to be more variable about when you have your lunch, I said 'can you pls sleep upstairs in a room that is more tucked away?' I didn't say not to sleep in the lounge anymore at all, but just could u pls also use the bedroom upstairs as I feel a bit restricted downstairs when you take up the lounge everyday. Theres a perfectly vacant bedroom upstairs etc
Well he has used the bedroom upstairs for the last 2 days but boy has he let me know! Digging comments etc

What do ppl think pls?

OP posts:

theduchessofspork · 02/12/2023 17:36

It’s a reasonable request, especially as the times are inconsistent

The only alternative is you go about your business as usual, and if he wakes up he wakes up. I assume he didn’t want that since he’s using the bedroom. So I’d ignore him, he’ll get over it.

SwedeCaroline · 02/12/2023 17:36

why cant he use his bed?

thesnailandthewhale · 02/12/2023 17:37

I love an afternoon nap on the sofa but if I was to go to my bedroom I would be wide awake

Pinkdelight3 · 02/12/2023 17:39

The request was fine. If he wants to nap in the lounge, I'd make whatever noise was necessary and not tiptoe around so much. Like, not make noise on purpose, but not restrict my activities because he's asleep. That's the prime chunk of the day to be doing stuff downstairs. He can sleep in the bedroom. Btw, assuming he's retired at usual age, that's a looong nap. Is his heart okay? Or does he just stay up late/wake very early? Fine if he's just getting his trad amount of sleep in different ways, but if he's worn out more than usual, might be worth a health check to make sure he's not ailing in some way.

TwilightSkies · 02/12/2023 17:39

I wouldn’t tiptoe around him, I’d carrying on doing what I need to do.
Its always men that pull shit like this.

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:40

Its always men that pull shit like this. Agreed! And us women tiptoe around them!

OP posts:

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:41

Thanks!

OP posts:

Baftler · 02/12/2023 17:43

Get a sofa or lounging chair for the spare bedroom if he feels the nap is different on a sofa than in a bed.

Taking up the lounge every day for hours where he can't be disturbed is selfish if it impacts other people in the house. So he either puts up with the noise, no creeping about by you, or he goes upstairs.

cariadlet · 02/12/2023 17:44

Nothing wrong with an afternoon nap.
DP and I often make the most of being effectively child-free (dd is at uni) to catch up on sleep at the weekends.

The difference between us and the op's dh, is that if either of us fancy a siesta, we'll go to bed for an hour or 2.
Neither of us would expect the other one to tip toe around us.

Rowgtfc72 · 02/12/2023 17:45

Dh sometimes naps on the sofa. I don't make any less noise, nor would he expect me to.

Aubree17 · 02/12/2023 17:45

If this was me I'd want to nap on the sofa. But I'd also expect everyone else to carry on as normal.

Wisterical · 02/12/2023 17:46

YABU because it's not a nap if you go to bed. That'd be a sleep. Sofas are for naps. Going to bed in the daytime is a completely different thing. So you should just get on with your normal activities at their normal volume (I mean what are you actually doing that's so noisy?!) and the napper should just nap on the sofa. If he's a dedicated napper and finds his naps disturbed, well then he move somewhere else anyway.

AdaColeman · 02/12/2023 17:48

Perhaps you should take a siesta also @lovenotwar149 !

Coconutter24 · 02/12/2023 18:22

If he wants to nap on the sofa let him but you certainly shouldn’t be tip toeing around him

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 18:25

shouldn’t be tip toeing around him

I agree.Thats what I will do differently. Thanks!

OP posts:

thedamnseason · 02/12/2023 18:25

Just carry on around him.
I'm a napper but I don't expect the rest of the house to fall silent for me.

If he doesn't like it he'll sleep somewhere else eventually:

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 02/12/2023 18:35

Have you tried not tip toeing around him ? Mines been passed out on the sofa for 3 hours now tbf he is doing a 7 day week this week and we were out last night and pretty much I can do anything EXCEPT vax and he won't stir.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 02/12/2023 18:35

That included having all 5 kids and the dog pandering around too

Epidote · 02/12/2023 18:41

I found your request completely reasonable specially because of the lack of pattern and with spare space to do it.

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 19:02

Thank you. I feel in my heart it IS reasonable too and precisely for the reason that the times are sooo variable

OP posts:

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/12/2023 00:02

Its always men that pull shit like this

HeddaGarbled · 03/12/2023 00:14

Ah, he’s had his lunch, sits down on the sofa and then falls asleep. I think that is perfectly normal and acceptable for someone of retirement age. Getting up to go to a bedroom disrupts that lovely drifting off feeling.

I also think he should be allowed to have his lunch whenever he wants. This is another of the joys of retirement: you don’t have to work to a timetable dictated by someone else.

I agree that you should just carry on with whatever you want to do without tiptoeing around him but I don’t think you should send him to his bedroom.

Channellingsophistication · 03/12/2023 00:34

Yes carry on with what you are doing. He can go to bed if he doesnt like it!

CallieQ · 03/12/2023 01:01

I think don't call him hubby

altmember · 03/12/2023 01:09

Just carry on as normal while he naps, it's amazing what some people will sleep through. And if it does disturb his nap then it's up to him if he wants to move somewhere quieter. What is it that you're doing, learning to play the drums?

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