Gf is always having a go at me recently

[Robertosalamanca]

I'm being made redundant at work...I've spent the last weekend having interviews daily, getting ready for them all while having to do my own work. My GF's car has a broken light and most evenings I have been taking her to do shopping or taking her to clubs in the evening. I've had very little time to do much else and it's been a stressful week, I'm looking for jobs to keep a roof over our house, I earn 3x as much as my GF and I help her our with money a lot of the time and we can't live on her salary alone unfortunately. Most the money recently I had saved up I always end up helping her out with fixing her car or with other things. I'm stressed, worried about this time of year finding a job and I let cleaning slip a bit such as washing clothes and dishes, it's now the weekend and I said I would do some cleaning but I have 2 interviews Monday I need to get some tests done and sent back before I have them.

I woke up this morning, within an hour my gf is complaining at me to clean my clothes, do the dishes that she isn't going to have s*x with a slob, you haven't done anything all week. I was like I've been busy as hell, taking you places, interviewing for jobs, still working my own job, trying to keep a house over our head and its the weekend I said I would do some cleaning but it's been less than an hour and I would like to relax.

She then called me a slob, said its been an hour I should be cleaning and tidying already, I could have done some during the week. How she doesn't want to be with someone like me who acts like a student, how they are so messy. I feel like I'm struggling to find a job, I'm working hard to provide, I'm even helping her out...I just needed a break, is that too much to ask?

She hates her job as well and keeps telling me she doesn't know what to do...so will be cutting back her work to train up for 2 years in something new, only way we can do that is if I contribute an extra 700 a month. Which is another reason why finding another job quickly was important...but with her complaining at me all the time, even when I'm helping out so much I feel like she shouldn't be...

It seems like my gf is always having a go at me recently over little bits when I contribute and help out a lot of the times, am I being unreasonable? Or is she being ungrateful?

She needs to be your ex gf.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

Sounds like she's being very unreasonable. But I have to ask, what do you mean by taking her to clubs? Is she going out partying, or did I misunderstand?

Would it not be better to get her car light fixed so she is able to take herself to these places, and you can do what you need to?

Ahh clubs as in a book club, slimming world and things

She doesn't have the money/time so hasn't booked it into a garage, keeps telling me to help her out and phone around for her. I haven't got the money to help this month and she has put it off...

As I write this, from this little argument we just had she has just gotten fully dressed up nicely and has gotten in her car to have a drive or go somewhere...not sure if it's to blow off steam or to try to make me worry as she has gone off in the snow first time ever in a rwd car...

She's being very unreasonable and very ungrateful. You've obviously got a strong work ethic, and being made redundant is one of the most stressful things you can go through. Has she given you any support at all?

We'll done for getting though to interview stages, something will come along.

If she can't afford to fix her own car she can't afford a car, different if you're married with combined finances but not the case here.

Throughout live stressful things can always happen, if she can't support you through this now then maybe that's a sign of things to come.

Good luck with the interviews.

I'm trying very hard to think....but I'm not so sure anymore....

Most my time after work is spent making sure she is OK...listening to her about her work and how she hates it...helping her train in a new industry so she can change jobs...helping with money and from/to her clubs....we don't really have s*x anymore as she says she isn't in the mood...that I haven't cleared enough or that I haven't done anything to deserve it....

After writing this I realise I actually do a hell of a lot, I'm always there for her, most evenings are either spent helping her out or making sure she is OK or just listening as she's had a bad day. I even go shopping with her in the evenings as she doesn't want to go alone even when I have work or need to get ready for interviews recently.

Just pulling you up on one thing, you say when you contribute and 'help' out. Often men say they help in the home as if the home upkeep and cleanliness is not their responsibility.

If she feels she's having to do most of that or that you leave it expecting her to do it- then of course she's gonna feel pissed.

That asside, it seems you've been run off your feet this week.

Could you communicate 'I taking today to relax but tonight I will make a start on the stuff I've left needing done. Sorry its got do messy. It's just been a mad week'.

Well...she has kept saying don't worry you will get something stop stressing....I've been awake a lot of these nights due to the stress being unable to sleep.

I've got interviews but it is that time of year when it's just harder to find a job as less of them.

Apart from that...not really, she tells me well done and things but most the time it's complaining that she couldn't sleep as I wasn't in bed or complaining about her work and saying I need to stop worrying/complaining, that and cleaning over the past few days...when it's been solid interviews.

No she bought her car as she needs it to get to work, however unfortunately her old one had an engine issue so I helped up with 2.8k to get a second hand car that has been working fine up until the light issue. You are right we aren't married or with combined finances, she always told me she doesn't like combined finances, wanted to be independent and always feels bad for relying on me, yet at the same time with all the help I give...feels like she takes it for granted and never cares....

She also has a dad...which pretty much gives her like a good few hundred just randomly all the time when ever she complains about money.....

No just been run off my feet with everything going on the past few weeks...and think a break would be nice.

In the past she ended up taking 2 weeks off due to mental health, I made sure to take care of her, do all the washing and cleaning etc.

As for more recent, we split the cleaning 50/50 where we can, the last few weeks I've still been doing little bits just not as much. As for the clothes, it's actually my own clothes she is complaining about...and we each have a bathroom, she is complaining about mine. As for dishes yes those are shared, I washed all of them a few days ago, she complained as she wants them all done now, as she always washes up her dishes straight after she eats and the ones in the sink are mine.

And that's exactly what I tried to communicate unfortunately x.x we spoke during the week and I said its been busy once the weekend comes ill do cleaning and tidying up. This morning came and she got upset because I didn't mention any cleaning or tidying in the first hour of getting up....she said about going out to the store, so I put on some clothes to wash and was getting ready, she complained as I didn't mention cleaning at all, I was like OK but I'll clean later I did say this weekend, she told me you never clean you've hardly done anything this week at all, it only takes 5 minutes even if you are busy to do some cleaning, even with your interviews and everything. You could have come down and cleaned this morning...

This sounds like a very one sided relationship, a one where both of you sound miserable.
I would sit down and have a deep and honest conversation with your gf. Really lay it all out, letting her know how you feel, listen to how she feels as well, and try to find out why she is behaving this way. You mentioned that your gf has had past issues with her MH. Could her behaviour be a byproduct of that? If so is she getting any help?
If the result of the conversation isn't a productive one I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with her. Are you happy if this carries on? Would you be less stressed living alone?

You've done the right thing reaching out op, this is a positive first step. You need to safeguard yourself here, and if you want dcs, things will only get alot worse. Before it is too late definately engage step 2, and have that meaningful conversation. This will tell you everything you need to know on whether it is worth remaining in this relationship.

The temptation is to say she's a bit much.

But looking at it from her perspective...she works too, she has slimming world (so maybe worries about her weight and health and attractiveness?) and book club, she's worrying her partner is about to be unemployed and they're going to struggle to put a roof over their heads on just her salary. Her car is screwed and she comes home to find her partner has done no housework all week. Great. Guess that's her job too then. She tries to emotionally support him but he is worried sick too. She worries about him worrying and feels bad she cannot fix this for him.

It certainly sounds like a stressful time and relationships can be tough when life is tough. It certainly sounds like communication is key moving forwards. Otherwise this relationship might come to an end. And that might even be for the best.

Frankly leaving dishes in the sink for days is disgusting and slobbish. No one is too busy to wash up after themselves

It would be good to hear this tiff from the GF's perspective.

It sounds like you are not cleaning up after yourself and leaving a mess in your home. That pisses many people off. I personally don't think it is nice to leave all the dishes and wash them up every few days, I like them done daily too. Equally I don't like clothes left all over the bedroom floor.

But ultimately, it doesn't matter whether I think she is 'right' or you are. If you are unhappy in the relationship, then either discuss and try to understand one another's perspectives and what will make you both happy, or move on from the relationship.

If the interviews are ongoing one a week vs if it's one big one makes a difference - darling please can you pick up my slack for a week while I interview prep vs I won't clean up after myself until
I have a job

You are being taken advantage off

Sorry OP, but you sound like you're making excuses to me.

Clear up after yourself.

I understand that losing your job must be tough and stressing you out a lot.

It's natural to "want a break" from the stress... But the argument seems to be mainly about washing up?

Isn't refusing to wash your dishes all week actually causing you both more stress at this point?

Dirty dishes in the sink affects everyone who uses that kitchen, and it takes ten minutes to clear up.

If you've been saying you'll do them for days then I can see why that'd be annoying to the people you live with.

Hopefully in-between your interview prep this weekend you can find half an hour to do your dishes and put a wash on.

I suggest you read 10 Stupid Things Men Do to Mess up Their Lives by Dr Laura Schlessinger (available on Amazon for a tenner). Good luck with job hunting

A couple of things stood out when I re-read your posts:

I even go shopping with her in the evenings as she doesn't want to go alone even when I have work or need to get ready for interviews recently.

This puzzles me slightly - what kind of shopping does she do in the evenings? Do you mean grocery shopping for the household?

If so, what would you do to get groceries if you were single, interviews or not?

Perhaps a supermarket delivery would help.

We split the cleaning 50/50 where we can, the last few weeks I've still been doing little bits just not as much.

You say you've stopped doing your fair share of cleaning for weeks now. That's quite a long time.

How many times has your gf said she is unhappy doing almost all the cleaning for both of you week after week? I suspect a few times, as her latest comments suggest she is quite exasperated by it all.

I wonder, how would you live if you were single in this situation?

Would you live in a mess with no clean clothes and a sink full of dishes for weeks/months? Fine if you live alone, I guess.

If you lived in a house share, would you expect your housemates to do your chores for you, while you spend weeks prepare for interviews?

Just dump her. If anyone is at the point of writing paragraphs about how crap their boy/girlfriend is, just stop, realise it’s over, move on.
The sole point of a relationship is that it’s meant to enhance your life and be fun.

Yeah you should be able to wash up, it's just basic stuff, especially if your not sleeping just get up and do jobs until your feeling tired enough to sleep.

Good luck with the job hunting, might be best to wait until January if you're able.