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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have been used and feel dirty

10 replies

Kezbooth · 02/12/2023 06:17

I have been with my kids dad now for 18years married for 14 years got 5 beautiful kids by him.well I just found out 2 days ago that he stopped trusting me 3 years ago when we was living somewhere else but he has been sleeping in the same bed as me I have been buying things for him and my kids never myself. So stay with me if he stopped trusting me 3 years ago? You are probably all wondering why he stopped trusting me no I haven't cheated on him but he called me a dirty tramp and a cheater and I feel like I can't go out or talk to people without him having a go. Well anyway 3 years ago I was going through my emails it come up that someone started following me on Instagram now I have never had Instagram I have not even got Facebook. So I thought how can that be when I have not got Instagram so I rang the police they said it is easy to get anyone's email address they said to report it to Instagram but I didn't know how? So I asked a friend to do it so we done it now he is there saying that I lied about it when I rang the police in front of him. I feel like I can't do anything talk to no one he has only given me 180 pounds towards Christmas presents for the kids I don't know what I'm going to do for Christmas presents now I told him to go 2 days ago and I don't want him back. Not the way he talks to me I did have Facebook but I deleted it because he was moaning. Its that bad I would rather him hit me then talk to me the way he does and all the nasty vile text I have been getting of him it's unreal so because the phone was in my name I got it cut of I brought him a dog last year for his birthday he cost me enough I paid for a holiday that we should of gone on this year didn't go. I paid for most of the car for upfront payment for a disability car. Do I moan when I don't get nothing for my birthday no I don't but it's like he can't see what I have done for him I can't live like this but I feel bad because he is sleeping in the car in this cold but why should I have him back after all the nasty things he has said. Also he said no wonder your exes beat you I can understand why now how low can he go?

OP posts:
rootsandwings89 · 02/12/2023 06:28

His attitude and behaviour towards you is vile and he is abusing you - emotionally and economically. He is also gaslighting you and seems very manipulative and controlling OP.

Please get in touch with your local domestic abuse service for help. You haven't done anything wrong and deserve better than this, please start planning on how you'll leave him because it won't get any better. Good luck.

rootsandwings89 · 02/12/2023 06:30

Also, he is a fully grown man and if he is choosing to sleep in the car that is his choice and you're not responsible for him. He is likely doing it because he knows it will make you feel guilty. He needs to grow a pair and sort himself out some proper accommodation.

Dj2020 · 02/12/2023 06:38

You've done the right thing it's abuse from him and it needs to stop. Well done for getting him out and don't give in, sounds like he will never change. Be strong.

category12 · 02/12/2023 07:04

He may not beat you like your exes but it sounds like it's still an emotionally abusive relationship.

He's an adult man, he can sort out somewhere to go rather than the car if he wants to. Don't be guilted into having him back by him acting all dramatic.

AllEars112232 · 02/12/2023 07:37

In so sorry that his bag behaviour had made you feel used and dirty.
But you don't need to feel like that because he's the one with the bad attitude, bit you.
You can hold your head high because your have acted like a decent person whereas he had not.
Let him find somewhere else to live. He is an adult and is responsible for his own welfare.

Prioritise yourself and the kids. Find your local domestic abuse organisation and get help from them to rebuild your life. You'll go from strength to strength now he's out of your life.

Seaoftroubles · 02/12/2023 07:54

I echo what others have said, you are in an abusive relationship OP. I'm glad you told him to leave, it's his choice if he wants to sleep in the car so don't feel bad about that as you have done nothing wrong. Please contact Womens Aid for support and advice.

Nicole1111 · 02/12/2023 08:22

I hope you’re ending this relationship for good as it is so abusive. I would also strongly recommend you do the freedom programme. You can do it online for a small fee or you can go to your local children’s centre and see if they’ll let you do the one they run, although that is dependent on the ages of your children.

I have been used and feel dirty
Lookingoutside · 02/12/2023 12:06

You’re not dirty. You’re definitely not dirty.

Please try to put that feeling aside 🫂❤️

Original poster
Kezbooth · 02/12/2023 23:05

Thank you means alot

OP posts:
Original poster
Kezbooth · 02/12/2023 23:11

Thanks everyone. I'm not having him back I've had enough all my life I have been treated nasty by men I'm not having it no more. My kids have been alot more happy since he has not been here . I'm a strong woman I don't need no man only my kids I will start putting things in place. I'm not having him here no more and the house is in a sole tenancy that's my name on it so I done the right thing there. Thank you all 😘

OP posts:
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