So in short, I’ve come to the realisation that my parents were emotionally absent. For various reasons, cultural, financial stress, one parent possibly ND, but they just didn’t show or express care or love or an interest in their children.
I had a strained relationship with DF for many years but overall on better terms with them both.
BUT, I feel like I am not normal. Growing up I was socially awkward and had a very sheltered life so it’s not surprising that so did not understand social norms and social interaction. I would laugh at things that weren’t actually funny for example. I couldn’t really understand people’s emotions.
Now as an adult and mother, I’m worried I haven’t properly connected with my children. I’m definitely affectionate and made a lot of effort to spend quality time with my children, to create a happy home environment m. It’s hard to describe but it feels like I was attentive, but not fully and completely present. We have had a lot of upsets recently as DC1 is a teen, and Im ashamed to say I’m either having a shouting match with them or crying because I don’t know how to deal with them/the attitude/perceived disrespect.
I realise now that I have not managed to control my own emotions, I’m easily upset and in tears, easily angered. I just didn’t learn it.
I also don’t know how to empathise, which is why I’m struggling with teen DC.
How do I now, as an adult learn to manage my emotions and how to empathise with others? (I’m not an inconsiderate person, but just struggle to guess how someone is feeling without them spelling it out for me I think)
Has anyone come across good books to help with this?
(I will add that I can see some ADHD behaviours in myself, but not diagnosed. I don’t know how much that would affect emotions/empathy.)
TIA