Mother in law problems

[Twoundertwoandateen]

I’m writing this as I’m at my wits end with my mother in law. Since I got pregnant with my first born (now three) she has been so overbearing and horrible to me. It started when he was born saying mean things such as the pram I bought was ugly, my house wasn’t good enough for a baby, I never spend money, I don’t look after him well enough etc. She made me feel so worthless as a mum and nothing I ever did was good enough in her eyes. I got pregnant pretty quickly afterwards and she was raging - said me and her son would separate and always fight due to the stress of it all - we didn’t in fact the complete opposite we couldn’t be happier. Only thing is I went to send her a picture on my partners phone to her he has taken that morning of the babies - she was calling me names behind my back like lazy c, horrible b**, said I can’t look after my babies (I look after them 4 days a week and work 3) They have never slept over anywhere else but with me. She was making fun of me loads, saying I was an embarrassment etc and just really degrading things to my partner. He was defending me and said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to hurt me. She texted me “apologising” but said I shouldn’t have went through her sons phone and that they were private messages and that’s “just her” I am completely devastated as I’ve never done anything to hurt this woman. All her family I spoke to about it said that’s just her and nothing I ever do will be good enough for her - including her own husband. I can’t stop letting it get between me and my partner though I resent him for what his mum has been saying about me (the horrible messages went on for years) He wants us to spend Boxing Day with her but I can’t bring myself to go and I know it’ll create further drama if I don’t. Can someone please give me advice it’s really getting me down :( I’m so embarrassed I can’t even tell my own family

Do not go. You will 100% regret it. From experience with a mother in law who was a total backstabbing bitch behind my back for no reason, just stop contact with her ASAP. She does not deserve to be part of your life. Your husband is enabling her behaviour and is incredibly weak for not sticking up for you He should not allow her the chance to bad mouth you let alone doing so repeatedly for years. How can she expect access to your precious children when she can speak about their mother this way.

Zero time with her. She is disrespectful. At the end of the day she is also disrespectful of her son. You are one now. No data. No photos nothing.

Don’t let her near the kids either. They don’t need that in their lives.

Sorry you've gone through this . I hate to say it but it it very common and you are doing the right thing by laying down new boundaries now . This behaviour pre dates you. Your lovely Dh had to accept it as a child because he had no power - you do . As your babies grow they will also see that their mum has set boundaries as to how she is treated and follow suit.
You will probably find in years to come that MIL comes round to and uneasy truce but you then have the upper hand and can organise meet ups on your terms.
Sometimes you have to parent the parent or this will go on for decades.

Given your latest post, it seems highly likely that if you allow your children to have contact with her, she will abuse them as she has your DH and his brother. I would cut all contact and explain to your DH that you don't want the children to have contact with her either.

You haven't created any drama. She has. No way would I go over there on boxing day. Or ever again. They know why. There is no explanation needed. Her family and her have made it clear that she'll never change, so live your life MIL and stress free.

You did the right thing in telling her. I'd block her and move on.

Given how she's treated you I'd expect your dh to do the same. Why would he want to maintain a relationship with her after how awful she's been.