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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dd is pregnant.

38 replies

sunshinesupermum · 01/12/2023 17:30

DD2 is pregnant. She has been in a good relationship with her partner for 4 years but the pregnancy is unplanned. She will be nearly 40 when the baby arrives and they are renting a tiny house with a lease ending in April. They will need to move.
She has never wanted a child of her own because of her mental health, having suffered two breakdowns before meeting her partner. She says she can barely look after herself let alone a child and has only recently found herself in a job she really likes with good prospects.
She (and her partner) have difficult decisions to make in the next few weeks.
I am going to stay with her soon as her partner will be away (I know, rotten timing) How can I best support her?

OP posts:

Sugargliderwombat · 01/12/2023 20:53

Naptrappedmummy · 01/12/2023 18:59

I would advise her what you think she should do. But say it’s up to her and you will back her whatever she chooses. I know people will say ‘oh don’t do that, leave it entirely up to her’ but if your own mum can’t give you advice on big decisions then who can? Sometimes it’s helpful to hear opinions from people you trust rather than nothing.

Wait for her to ask for advice! What is it about being pregnant and unsolicited advice starting from the very first second?

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 01/12/2023 20:57

I'd advise her, but make it clear that ultimately you will support her whatever she decides. If she wants to talk, let her, but if she doesn't don't try and force it.

HamBone · 01/12/2023 21:12

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 01/12/2023 20:57

I'd advise her, but make it clear that ultimately you will support her whatever she decides. If she wants to talk, let her, but if she doesn't don't try and force it.

Yes, the OP should emotionally support her DD whatever she decides, @LambriniBobinIsleworth

But at 75 and living two hours away, she can’t realistically provide much practical support. Just my personal opinion, I personally don’t think it’s right to ask an older person to provide practical support.

Original poster

sunshinesupermum · 01/12/2023 21:29

Sugargliderwombat As soon as DD told me she wanted advice and support from me.

OP posts:

Kellogg1 · 01/12/2023 21:55

GeniusDog · 01/12/2023 19:17

The friend isn't going to tell anyone else!

Thats what your daughter thought when she told you.

Grow up with your sh**y comments

SwordToFlamethrower · 01/12/2023 21:55

Only give your opinion if she wants one!

Please don't offer it without her consent.

Say something like "would you like my advice and support or just my support?"

Then do what she asks.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/12/2023 22:02

I’d suggest that an counsellor might be a good resource for her and offer to fund/find one for her.

Then lots of love and support.

ttcat37 · 01/12/2023 22:09

sunshinesupermum · 01/12/2023 19:59

I am 75. DD will be 40 when/if the baby arrives Changednayme

It's my opinion that a termination will be best too
StoleABibleAndShaggedThePriest

Edited

Don’t ever share this opinion with her. Even if she asks.

Original poster

sunshinesupermum · 01/12/2023 22:50

Rainbowqueen I offered that when she told me she was pregnant but fortunately she has an NHS CBT therapist already and CBT worked for her in the past.

OP posts:

Luckynumbereight · 02/12/2023 11:57

If this baby is born there may be a huge chance that you will end up caring for it, OP.

keye · 02/12/2023 12:03

Luckynumbereight · 02/12/2023 11:57

If this baby is born there may be a huge chance that you will end up caring for it, OP.

OP is 75, she isn't going to be raising a baby.

HamBone · 02/12/2023 17:35

keye · 02/12/2023 12:03

OP is 75, she isn't going to be raising a baby.

Show quote history

Exactly, @keye. As I said upthread, the decision may hinge on the father’s willingness to take on a lot of the parental responsibilities. Someone will need to provide longterm practical support, but it can’t be the OP.

Original poster

sunshinesupermum · 02/12/2023 18:36

I don't know DDs partner well enough to judge what his parental capabilities are. I've been reassured that he cares for DD up until now, but as pp have stated there is no way I can physically help them with a baby so they have to decide themselves whether they can cope. His mum lives in the same city but goes to Spain a lot and I'm pretty sure DD won't be wanting her help as she is 'very particular' with everything in its place etc.

OP posts:

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