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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner;

17 replies

tbc2025 · 01/12/2023 12:55

My partner; Shouts at me Belittles me Humiliates me Criticises me Undermimes my decision in front of kids Controlls all the money and wont let me have any of my wages Makes me feel guilty for having a hobby Goes out constantly Refuses loving interactions Insists i do 50/50 with everything even though i work more hours.

What should I do?

OP posts:
crackfoxy · 01/12/2023 13:01

Leave

SandstoneLimes · 01/12/2023 13:05

@crackfoxy nailed it

Twosticksandstring · 01/12/2023 13:05

Open your own bank account Get your wages paid into that account. Consult Womens Aid. Make plans to leave. Talk to Police.

Allthewallsarewhite · 01/12/2023 16:37

100% agree with this, as this is definitely abuse, but bear in mind that the police might not be able to actually do a lot. However you could get a restraining order even if there's no physical abuse, and that would give you the space and freedom to regain access to your wages and get your affairs in order.

Talk to people in your environment (that you trust) about this as well. Secrecy about what goes on behind closed doors gives the abuser all the power.

GoingOffOnATangent · 01/12/2023 16:41

You seem to have a good clear view that he's a relentless arse... What aspect of the decision on what to do are you unsure about?
It's it practical advice you want?
Many people in this situation are stuck because they aren't sure if their dissatisfaction with their partners behaviour is reasonable or not... Seems you're past that point so what are you needing advice on?

Aguinnessplease · 01/12/2023 16:42

Easiest way to get to the right answer - what would you advise you sister, your best friend, or your daughter to do if they described their life similar to how you just have?

category12 · 01/12/2023 17:06

He's controlling and emotionally/verbally/financially abusive. you should split up with him.

What's your housing situation?

Bananalanacake · 01/12/2023 17:17

I'm assuming they are his kids. Who owns the property you live in

AllAroundMyCat · 01/12/2023 17:27

Talk to Womens Aid.

sosomcsoso · 01/12/2023 17:31

Get your wages in your own bank for starters
Then kick the fucker out

JoanMacIntosh · 01/12/2023 17:32

Leave him, as soon as possible. You set the example to your children, you can’t have them growing up believing this is what a relationship is.

Loiteringwithoutintent · 01/12/2023 23:08

Who says OP is female?

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/12/2023 23:15

You could leave and have a happy life or you could stay and have a miserable life. It's your choice really

wendyelliott · 01/12/2023 23:18

I think OP is male.

Catoo · 02/12/2023 00:01

wendyelliott · 01/12/2023 23:18

I think OP is male.

Definitely male. Thinks he’s making some kind of point. I’d be refusing those loving interactions also.

B1rd · 02/12/2023 00:14

Your man is the lowest of all men. Get your wages into your own account and LTB. You really have found a man at the bottom of the pool. You can do so much better. Truly, anything would be better than him.

CallieQ · 02/12/2023 01:05

LTB

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