Devastated and don't know what to do..... advice please

[Justsurfing]

Morning everyone, hoping for some advice as I just cant think straight at the moment. Sorry for the long post

I met a guy around 8 months ago, completely unexpected, wasn't looking as in the middle of a marriage break up, and he'd literally just come out of a relationship too.

Long story short, I've completely fallen for him, like nothing I've felt before. He's told me he loves me, misses me, wants me to be in his future and part of his children's life. We get on so well in all areas.

He is also in a bit of a situation at the minute and I think he may be a little depressed around trying to juggle life etc having issues with his daughter.

Its all been fine but I felt him pulling away, not texting as much and stupidly I think I've put too much pressure on him and he ended up saying he needed a break. We only see each other once a month as we live a long way apart.

The same day he text me about the break, he messaged me saying he felt so sad. He said he didn't want to end it but he feels he's not enough for me, cant give me the time and attention I need because of his kids situation and work, distance etc. he then asked for a call the next night and he said he was stressed the day before and he still wants me to come to see him next week.

The texting/contact has just about completely stopped though.

Do I go, does this sound like the end or am I overthinking. I feel terrible, cant eat, sleep, shaking I've never felt like this before I don't know how to stop it :-(
I'm worried he says this is our last time seeing each other then having to do a 4 hour drive home absolutely devastated

Think I would believe him when he said he isn't good enough for you and move on.

Justsurfing

time and time I see this , with myself and with girlfriends , on here and with you

you have both come out of something recently

No one is in a healthy headspace
no one !
then this shit happens…..

and remember your boundaries are not going to be healthy mid divorce

anyway we live and learn but it’s a miserable state
I mean your not happy are you ?

whatever way you slice it this relationships making you miserable insecure and anxious

First relationships after a marriage break up are very intense. Feelings get over heightened and sense goes out of the window. They are also very upsetting when they end. Sometimes even more so than the marriage itself. Often these rebound relationships don’t last and a lot of people have to go through this. The best suggestion I could give would be to decline this invite ( He just wants you at his party and probably a shag afterwards being blunt) as it will just mess with your head even more and like you say, it is 4 hrs away. Realistically this isn’t going to work out and you both have kids that you need to consider and probably without being unkind, put first for a while.

Take a while to clear your head and find yourself before dating again.

I don’t think you should travel four hours to see him when he has stopped texting you.

So sorry you’re feeling this way OP. This is really common after leaving a long relationship. After being denied love, excitement, time and all the other aspects of a relationship it’s such a big buzz and can make you feel things you didn’t think you would again. You deserve all of these things from a secure person who feels the exact same way and is prepared to go that extra mile for you.

This relationship has shown you that you can once again be in love and have a special person in your life. Take some time for yourself and really dive into the relationship with yourself. Self reflection and discovery will really put you on a path of self-love and knowing what you deserve and who is allowed access to your heart, body and mind.

Do not put this man’s feelings above yours, gracefully decline the invite and tell him that with the conversations you have been having it’s quite impossible for you to go to an event and pretend that is everything is rosy.

This is also a little learning experience and you can add these negative points (long distance) as something you would avoid in the future. It’s through these short relationships that do really hurt that you’re able to set new boundaries and decide what’s for you and what’s not.

Sending you lots of love and a cuddle!

Don't go and see him.
He's said it's over and given reasons for that so it's over.
By asking you to go to visit him he's trying to keep you on the back burner or using you as a friends with benefits type situation while still managing to be completely honest, on the face of it, because he's made he clear he doesn't want to have a relationship with you.
It's all mixed messages and you will get even more hurt if you continue to have contact with him.

You were with him 8 months and say you saw him once a month, so have basically seen him 8 times. I can imagine that you have really fallen for him because it was the first relationship after the end of your marriage and your feelings were probably all over the place.

Lots of texting can make you feel like you are in a deeper relationship than you actually are.
He said he wants a break ( which is almost alway code for " I want to split up but haven't quite the courage to say it") then says ..what.. essentially that he was stressed and didn't mean it, but that in any event he can't commit fully. And then, oh by the way, drive up to mine and come to my works outing, and then drive yourself home again.
Please have some dignity and don't go. If he really regrets saying what he said, then he can take the opportunity to put himself out and make it up to you.
I think if this is to carry on, he needs to show that he is invested, that he is prepared to make some effort. At the moment I can't see that he is making any effort at all.
I'd text and say something along the lines of "In the circumstances,I think it's best that I don't come to x function with you at the weekend. We can talk in a week or two once things are calmer." And then turn off your phone till after the weekend. If he comes up with a better offer than you driving 4 hours each way, then great. I suspect he won't,though.

I wrote a post similar to yours the other day. I would say do not go to him. I think he wants you to be his plus 1 for his work event nothing more. If he cared for you he wouldn’t be asking for a break because he could lose you. Maybe the long distance is too much. Deal with your marriage break up it all sounds to soon. You will come out of it stronger.

Op, I don’t think you have necessarily been taken for a ride. Sometimes we do have to take a leap, and go for it - and sometimes one person goes off the idea (can happen for genuine and good reasons) while the other doesn’t. That’s love/life, and the person who pulls away can still be a decent person. Give yourself time to recover from both your previous relationship and this one before you consider another relationship, and think through what your boundaries should be going forward - but you don’t have to dread your future honestly, someone else will come along when the time is right.